Atin.

i simply don't get it.

2008-09-20T14:39:00.000+08:00

life has been hard. what's going on people ? really i don't understand. i mean like, everything has change. as fast as lightning i would say. i can't even remember when we were on good terms. now we're like strangers. what's going on !? i've been questioning myself this but it has not been answered. i guess you want it that way. take care than.

and now she is accusing me. urgh ! why must you do that ? you don't even know the real fact bitch ! sorry to say that but really. i can't stand your attitude. what has got over you girl ? i don't get it why you suddenly change. and why must you say that kind of things about me ? pls laaa ehkkk. i don't do whatever you said about me okay. look at yourself, are you even perfect yourself ? so, you're cursing me huh and you think your friend is better off than me. suit you than. cos i swear that yours will end soon bitch ! sad seyyyh you did this to me. *wipe tears* i thought you know me but my guess was wrong. say whatever you want cos whatever you say is not true ! i guess your friend is just jealous of me cos of you know what. oh whatever laa ehk.

i don't know what's happening to me. am i ..... ? i don't know. oh well. time will tell everything.

Gosh. Perché mi sento geloso quando afferma che perdere lui? quello che sta succedendo a me? posso davvero fare di lui l'amore Io? Non lo so. veramente. ogni momento in cui un messaggio viene in ero sperando che è da lui. ogni volta che sono andato online Spero che sarà on-line. ogni volta che i incontrarlo Vorrei essere con lui, semper. ogni volta che si invia un messaggio mi vorrei sorriso. a volte i desideri egli potrebbe essere il mio, in eterno. Perché pensare che modo? io sono veramente innamorato di lui? non vi è ancora una volta ha detto "ti amo" e non so se intendevo farlo. No, non siamo ora in allegato. siamo ancora amici. egli ha detto di perdere me e sì, mi mancherà anche lui. ha detto che come egli desidera Vorrei seguire lui con i suoi amici. ha detto egli è veramente felice quando ci incontriamo perché arrivare a vedere me. egli sabato davvero vicino accanto a me quando eravamo posti a sedere. ha ricoperto le mie braccia quando si attraversano le strade. ha aiutato a tenere i miei file fino a raggiungere i casa. egli mi ha mandato a casa. egli mi buonanotte inviare messaggi con "abbracci" immaginando che egli è abbracciare me. Mi sento così in amore. ma non so se è solo infatuazione. Non ho voglia di vederlo con altre ragazze. Immagino che io amo lui. Oh mio dio! Ti amo ragazzo! desiderio è stato il mio.

i can't believe you said that of me ! ):

why ? i don't understand.

2008-09-19T15:12:00.004+08:00

TGIF bebeh !

went to school with zalikha and iknowsheknows. i don't wish to type it out here. it's confidential. anyway, school was err, urm, no comment -.-!

MT was boring. was like talking with cikgu with the others. than maths, 2 periods was a-okay. but grrrr ! i was called twice to go down to general office. tired you know. my class is already on the 4th floor and to the 1st floor and the journey to office from class is quite a distance. geee. okay whatever. O levels fees paid. class photos order paid. prom night fee, tawakal jek laaa. am not going.

after school, bus-ed home with gernette. i don't feel good. gaaaah ~ sicksicksick -.-!

and oh, my hp is sick. i'll reply if i can. i'll receive sms-es late. so, im sorry if i reply your msgs late. my apologies. anything, call me up using my house phone number yea ?

why is everything so messed up ? why do we have to turn out this way ? why must it only happens at this point of time ? why are you blaming one another when you yourself have made mistakes ? why are you scolding vulgarities without knowing the real truth ? why are you like this ? why have you change ? why oh why ?

kay da. tired. bye !

doltish ?

2008-09-18T21:42:00.001+08:00

went back to school today after being absent for two days. geee. thanks classmates for you concern. apprecitae it loads (: and nadz, thanks for asking just now at the canteen (: so, as usual went to school with zalikha. i was early werly yaw ! haha. and so i waited like one dumbass. hahaha. joke jek joke ye.

i thought of completing my art in the morning but nahhh. im not in the mood. so ya, chit chat with zalikha and than the rest came. and guess what ? a dog came to our school ! yea i know it's no big deal cos it's only a dog. but hey, im freaking scared of dogs ! we're like "ahhhh ! aku takot !" some sort that way laaa and that includes me. hah !

morning assembly as usual. prizes and stuffs and i get bored down there -.-! blablabla and back to class. chemistry was okay. it's just that i can't concentrate for no apparent reason o.O PE was boring. no PE basically cos more than half the class were in uniform. chit chat with gernette. recess, sat somewhere at the art gallery with zalikha and talked about iknowsheknow. than wani came. chit chat till bell rings and off to MT class. pe mendak siots. watched "cuci" for two periods. next was maths. it was a-okay. it's just that i hate curve sketching. urgh ! last period was english ; no comment.

after school went to level 3 study area and did my art. thanks gernette for helping ! :D handed in and bus-ed home with gernette. she cut and arrange my artworks. thanks again girl !

back home, had my bath, changed and bus-ed to meet farid (:
sorry again for being late.
and oh, you're featured too yea !

mean what you say ! time will tell everything.

aper yang aku da luda aku tk kn jilat balik ! phm !?

trying to forget it.

2008-09-17T20:15:00.000+08:00

i skip school, like again. i miss school. seriously. no joke. oh well, i miss zalikha more. babe, meet ya tomorrow aites. and yes, tomorrow is thursday ; 8:30 start and dismissed at 1:40. wooohooo ! and danggg, homeworks are still undone. but i guess i won't be able to do it tonight. the medicine is super strong i tell you. after eating, i'll be off to lalaland soon after.

anyway, met farid today. and you people know what, i saw many people riding today. i was like, grrrr ! okay nevermind. only certain people knows what i meant by that. to people who knows, keep it hush ! paiseyyyh ! :X and oh, the monkeys at yishun park very irritating ! sheeesh ! andand, nice meeting ya friend (:

after that, went to meet yana. aku rindu sama kau byk byk hor ! had fun babe today ! hang out again soon yea ? (: and all the best babe ! you know what i mean bebeh.

back to school tomorrow. so can't wait. okay okay. sounds so not me wanting to go to school. haha !

oh well. im done for now. lazy to type more. kay da. diam. bye !

im trying dearest(s)

2008-09-16T14:01:00.010+08:00

ina, thanks ehk for editing my blogskin (: and babe, kau panjangkan aku nyer links ? ni da kes mendak to the core kan. haha !

Skipped school today. like how many times have i absent myself from school this year ? countless times. all of it is due to fever, bad/dry coughing, vomitting, gastric. im always sick ; physically weak since the start of 2008. what's happening ?

currently ; fever's going down. dry coughing. splitting headache. the world is spinning. gosh. my throat hurts like hell. and now my voice sounds so man -.-! so burokkk siakkk. okay whatever atin. im feeling rather weak and i take ages to type this paragraph. gosh. im suppose to be resting but there's no one at home to entertain me and im stuck at home alone while my friends are in school "enjoying" lessons. hah ! damn, i miss 5 periods of art today ! am i suppose to be happy or something ? nevermind.

boredom is killing me. mama warned me to stay at home and rest and not go out to meet friends or what. urgh ! but i know she cares for me. awwww. aku sayang mama aku okay (: i can't break-fast with her again today ): she will be having her BA class tonight. nmpk nyer nan adeq aku yang irritating lagik (: i miss my mama, a lot and also my papa *sobs*

why do people nowadays call everyone their BESTFRIENDS when they barely know each other !? mad or what ? pls laa ehk. im not your typical girlfriend whom you can say im your bestfriend. yea, i do love making new friends. and sure i love them, sincerely. but i still "choose" my friends. yea, you people may have thousands of bestfriends but i'll only call them my bestfriends if we understand each other, willing to go through thick and thin, will be there for you when you're down. i find these kind of people doltish ? ya cos, everyone they say is their bestfriends ? oh c'mon ! stop it laa ehk. it's not as if you know me well enough babe/dude. we're friends but not bestfriends. so sorry i have to say that. but really, i find it stupid when you say that im your bestfriend when we barely know each other. gosh !
say whatever you want laaa ehk. i don't give a big fcuk to it okay.
my only two bestfriends ; zalikha and yana. i love them to bits i tell you. kacao drg aku smack kang !
but no worries, cos i love my friends too okay and oh, plus my partners and twins. you know who.
weeeeeee ! ~
k da. diam. kalo tak happy. ble g jahanam uh. aku tk heran.

aisyah, sorry ehk. im not into that uh babe. sorry again. im into the rock/hardcore side and i don't dance. i only dance for the sake of dancing. you get what i mean *wink*

*UPDATED - 6:33PM.

zalikha called me and i suspect something is not quite right cos of the time. you people don't have to know. so ya, went down to meet her and talked at my blk void deck. seriously, i was shock.
babe, relax. chill. you still have me. i understand what you're going through. whatever it is don't let it affect your studies. i want the old you back sis. cheer up okay syg (: aku sayang kau.

anyway, she accompanied to POSB and than to the clinic. im just too lazy to go to polyclinic. so ya, i just head to the private clinic few blocks away from my house and i know it's gonna cost me a bomb -.-! went to see the doc and if needed, im gonna have to be referred to a hospital for further checkups. i did not know that it was that serious.
and the medicine which is only a few pills cost me 23 bucks !! -.-"

after that, went out again cos i remembered that i've not paid the library fines. went to the library and i was like, OMG ! i need to pay 17 bucks ! dangggg -.-! oh well. paid everything. i lost my money due to that. urgh. i cud only blame myself *boring face*

and oh, farid ! saw you already. sorry asyek tk nmpk. peace ! (: and damn, you're fast ! haha !

and today was suppose to be..... but.... nevermind )':

unexpected-ly.

2008-09-15T17:47:00.008+08:00

2008.

2007.

random-ness.

Malay paper 2 prelim was okay. anyway, paper finished at 9:30am. art and blablabla. i was oh-so-tired and head straight home. slept for a while than went out to meet friends. than met zalikha.and so we crap and chit-chat like we always do. 811-ed to northpoint. it feels like T3 though it's still upgrading. but really. okay okay forget about what i've said. anyway, at that point of time i was super hungry *tummy rumbling* i thought of buying something to eat but nooooo, i wanna fast. heee ^_^ 800-ed home.

met yana while on the way walking home. chit-chat for a while and i head home. im so tired today. i don't know why. im sick, again -.-! having fever plus cough. can i skip school tomorrow ? i mean, get an MC like duhhh. im so not looking forward for tuesday. i've yet to complete the 6 A2 size mounting boards and i've yet to start on my EOY. *pulls face*

seriously, so many unexpected things happened. oh gosh. im shock myself. i really did not expect it will turn out this way. told zalikha, everything. yes, everything. mcm mcm kn zal. tak sangke aku. oh well. at least now.... *shrugs shoulders*

geee. i hate my new hair. i want my old hair back. i want my hair to grow FAST. and pls, no extensions for me. so fake laaa okay. OKAY WHATEVER. oh shit, susu ask me to dye my hair black, like again -.-!

hari raya is in less in a month's time and im not in the mood. maybe cos of exams ? but really, im not looking forward to 1st day of hari raya. i just hate it. urgh ! don't ask me why. certain people will know the rationale. kay da. diam. hush.

problems after problems. oh gosh. friends seemed to grow further apart. why oh why ? we use to be so close when we're in lower sec days but now, we're like strangers. you said negative things about me but how about yourself ? are you even perfect yourself ? think will you. hey, in the first place you would not have to ignore me and stuffs. you could just say it to me right. you left me hanging there. you changed a lot buddy. pls, get back to the old you. okay, i'll guess this is the life you want. with your kekasih always. fine than. go and be with him 24/7. i'll bother you no more. im sick and tired of it. goodbye !

friends, pls dont fight or quarell. it hurts me to see you people having misunderstandings. i love you friends okay.

aku jealous tgk couple couple. nta laa asl. tibe tibe jek rase cm ginik. it will be sweet if your bf/gf will grow old with you. till death do you and your bf/gf apart. just like my cuzzy. she and her bf had been dating since both of them were in secondary school and now they are happily married with a baby boy. isn't that sweet. awww. it's not easy to find the one like duhhhh but some people are really blessed.

eh, what's with people nowadays ? do looks really matter huh huh huh ? other than in showbiz. but hey, looks dosen't mean everything. i mean like, it won't gurantee you happiness or stuffs. i hate it when people starts criticisng about how others look. hey, look yourself in the mirror. stop thinking that you're one handsome dude or pretty chic. prasan siols. stop it sudah ehkk. you're making me feeling nauseas. say whatever shits for all you want about me cos i am me and that makes me unique. at least i know i look different from others and you would have to share the "same face" with others. hah ! people who thinks looks are everything, you're welcome to leave cos i don't think i wanna make friends with people like you. shoooooooooooooo !

i wanna go to ROCKSTAR LAND that appears in my dream ;D

and oh, happy sweet 16 liting ! :D

my family.

2008-09-14T20:45:00.000+08:00

my family, my everything. i love them more than anything else in this world. i miss my papa very much ):

Half empty.

2008-09-13T23:58:00.010+08:00

Half empty.

*DELETED SOME PARTS.

sorry if i did not pick up your calls and reply sms-es late today. my apologies. been busy with art. psst, sorry if im not myself. so sorry and thank you for putting up with my fugging attitude. thank you for understanding.

i recorded my marks for all my exams in my diary and i cried. how on Earth did i ended up this way ? im oh so proud and happy when i see my sec 1 and 2 results. all oh so ever perfect. a B for english, history and science. an A for maths, malay and art. how i wish those will be the marks for my upper sec life. and even better, my O level marks. for sure i could enter into the poly i wanted with the course i want.
and now, an F for practically every subject. OMG !
i wish i could be like the old me. where i would put aside some time to revise and study every single day. where i would be hardworking and do all task given by teachers properly. where i would not slack and laze around so much. where i won't be mixing around with bad companies. where i won't get into trouble.
im trying to be the old me once again. i need your help friends. lead me to the right path in life. im regretting much.
i promise to change. to be a better person. insyallah.

sorry for my quiet comportment these past few days. i dont know laa ehk. but... nvm. i just need time. i promise, i'll be what like i use to be. hope you friends understand. i just want peace at the moment. i need time to sort out my thoughts. i want to set my mind at ease so that i could concentrate on all the consequential events. i want everything to be back in place.
it's just too much for me to take. im not ready for all these. i have no one to depend on ): i have to face everything on my own *sigh*
no one cared when im going through difficult and vulnerable moments. no one seemed to be there for me. no one seemed to ask how am i. no one seemed to see that im not invisible.
*wipe tears*

i look different from my pictures. so yea, i understand if you could not recognise me when im outside. haha :D

and and don't ask me to make decisions cos i just don't like it. don't ask why. hah. just tell me what you wanna do and i'll give you my opinions or stuffs from there yea ? okay go !

i miss _______.

2008-09-12T23:00:00.008+08:00

TGIF !

i thought of skipping school today to stay at home and rest cos my fever have not subside. but something made me go to school. oh well. and so, off to to school with zalikha. and oh, sorry babe aku lambat.

school was alright ; MT, watched "uyung" like again -.-! maths ; i suffered 2 periods. sheeesh. can someone make me UNDERSTAND maths ? not much time left. O levels just round the corner *pulls face* english was alright. more comprehensions on its way. oh gosh. recess, went to seat somewhere at level 3 with the girls. zalikha, phm ehk babe. tgk pe tgk skali dier muncul naeq uh. HAHAHHAHA ! (the joke with zalikha) history, free period. elson and wei shen, both of them, hahaha. 1st wife and 4th wife. LOL. Lskills was wayyyyyyyyyy to boring. set targets. geee. i hate that part cos i've never achieve my target since sec3. oh well.

and so, after dismissal i went down to level 3 to meet zalikha. 811-ed than 800-ed home. put our stuffs and meet at the usual place at 1:30pm. bus-ed to LJS. take-away and we walk and walk and walk and walk from yishun interchange to our homes -.-! found a place at one of the void decks. after eating we wander around. played at the fitness area. fun okay ! haha :D slacked at yishun library. zalikha found a book about weknowwhat. hahahahahhahaha ! blablabla and than head home.

i quickly went to have my bath, got change and off to nenek and atok's house. haidil ader ! geram nyer ! cute pe mamat. da besar mesti hansem oiie. i did not eat anything cos i've had my lunch + dinner with zalikha. sat down there with my fam, grands and relatives watching TV. blablablabla and than bus-ed home.

**************

zalikha ; babe, yang tu 2 video kau kasi tgk tu. kekek to the max sak. aku dalam bilik sorang sorang tawe cm org giler tau. hahaha ! and ohh, gerek uh tadik. puseng puseng pat tah pe bende cm orang giler. hahha ! and one more thing, about youknowwhat. seme nyer will be fine. just do what you have to do yea. aku tanak nanti ending dier, youknowkan.

and oh, happy 5mths to wani and wan.

2008-09-11T21:41:00.000+08:00

alright people. aku mendak -.-!

anyway, school's alright. i guess. i thought im fine. but ended up weeping in school. i broke down in front of the other OPSS mates. i really can't hold on any longer. my eyes became puffy and red. gosh. during silent reading, i cried once again. why am i so weak ?
zalikha, thanks for comforting and the hug babe. you're sucha great friend. hope our friendship will never end. insyallah.

back to class. i totally forgot about the pic and it fell on the ground ; at the parade square. im so not gonna retrieve it back. it just breaks my heart. cooled down and yea, im okay.

chemistry was sucha boring one. i did nothing except daydreaming. PE, was okay. many of us in 4b1 did not do PE. yeaa, im not in the mood to play. and oh, wei shen, i won't cry over that matter anymore. thanks yea dude. maths, free period. was stuck in class. i went over to seat beside gernette and start reading my storybook. jabbowockeez[?] i loike yaw :D the dance i mean. english was like usual. went through comprehension. mrs liu was busy giving us answers and explaining it but i was busy writing my diary and i shut my ears.

after dismissal, went to art studio to collect EOY question paper. yes ! there's the topic that's related to what im doing for my O's. topic that i chose ; Intricate cross sections. i just have to draw more observations on parts of clocks, mp3 player, radio and blablablabla. mdm loy, i need your help !

and oh, i saw kak yanna today ! yay ! happy seyyyh :D

**************
i look different from my pictures. say whatever you want cos it's me. i am who i am. ugly or good-looking it's still me. and oh, i don't go around showing my boobies laaa minah. pe yang fake siol !? aku pe original laaa okay. natural laa ehkk. nta nta kau pe boobs tu plastic siots. cocok samer sini nk kasi besar. tolong laaa ehkkk. jgn nk wad fitnah uhhh. aku pe psl uh aku nak kuwa nan saper. kau saper nk perintah aku !? get a life bitch !

**************
"the grass is greener on the other side" i disagree. really. i've learnt my lesson. and im not gonna repeat it, again. i had enough ! im regretting much. but, there's no use regretting. each time i think about it, i'll start to tear. but yea, no use crying over spilled milk. im turning over a new leaf. to be a better person.

i dont feel good. fever on and off. i wanna skip school tomorrow, can mama ? this always happens when im having anything major to go through. EOY and O levels coming soon. i cant afford to fall sick.

im....
i guess i shall not elaborate on it. i'll be writing about it in my personal diary. i wanna make it private for this part.

2008-09-10T18:30:00.007+08:00

i rather be alone than being surrounded with two-faced bastards. don't ever claim that i'm your friend. sucka !

and so today, school as per normal. i almost forgot that school were as per normal :/ exam mood still ? hah. nahhhh. anyway, went to school with zalikha. manage to catch the bus on time. phew ~

school was a bore for me. 2 periods of chemistry was suck-ish. maths, free period cos mr chia had to see a parent. i wrote a super long essay on what im feeling right now. emo much ? no okay. im just feeling so-not-loved. physics was alright as always. recess, went to eat with zalikha and pearl. duhhhh we're not fasting for some reasons. history, free period. mr nair was not in school. freaking bored laaa. english was okay. 13/30 for compo test. wasted ! 2 marks and i have passed. sheeesh. MT was errr, no comment. SS was alright.

during the last period, we got back our report books. yeaaa, i did well, NOT. but happy i could say cos there's improvement. but there's still that i diprove[?] gosh ! i gotta buck up !

english ; U still ):
maths ; 28.9 and now, 44. but im happy stiil (:
malay ; not included cos i've just taken prelim also EOY ytd.
C. science ; U. cos of chemistry i failed ):
C. humanities ; U to C5 (:
art ; B4.

****************
thanks for all your encouragement friends. you know who you are. i need them so much. i love you friends.

****************
zalikha bby, you gotta be strong. i want the old you back friend. cheer up yea ? don't worry cos our friendship is never gonna end. if there's anything, you can find me. i'll be there for you. i love you babe.
hakim dearest, thank you for being there for me. ily dearest.
yana hunney, you too yea. gonna miss you friend. take kaiire. and insyallah i'll be okay.
abg irul, stay for good. pls pls pls pls ? adeq needs you.

****************
i wanna shift house ! i can't stand it any longer ! i need my freedom ! i need my life !

it's killing me.

2008-09-09T17:47:00.001+08:00

woke up at 9am. bathe and got ready for school. met up with zalikha whose having recess at that time at the school foyer. found a place to sit and i told her everything. i thought i would never cry over that matter but i just did when i told her about it )': thanks for listening babe (: i love you so much.

today, prelim maths paper 2. the paper ? urmm, no comment. i know what's my overall result will be for maths. prepared for it and got used to it. *sigh*
but danggg, i've got no time to finish the questions that i know how to do. grrrrr ! 2 and a half hours is seriously not enough for me to finish maths paper. geeee.

anyway, paper ended at 1:30. waited for zalikha to finish school and went off together. and oh before that, rasul ask me to open up something but ended up getting "electric shock" it's not really that kind of shock but really felt like one. hahahahahaha. funny seyyyh.

back to the story, zalikha and myself was about to walk to the staircase near the hall but ended up walking down the staff room staircase cos of susu. our reaction was like, nvm but funny. haha ! naseb cepat elak, kalo tak kene caught tok rambot, stokin, skirt, uniform. haiyyoooo.

811-ed than 800-ed back home. before that, we went to the library but found out that there's just too many people. so yea, decided to head back home.

MSN-ing right now.
zalikha, we'll have the trip after my O's yeaaa ? sabar ye. bulan puase lagik. ehem ehem, you'll know it sooon. hahahaha !
rafiz, thanks yea kawan (:

the song playing in my blog ; it's oh so true.

thank you.

2008-09-08T19:17:00.001+08:00

and so today, had MT paper 1 prelim. went to school with pearl. the paper was okay. but i doubt i do well. anyway, i've tried my best. jyeeeah :D but i struggled with karangan. my mind was blank. there's 3 to choose from but none had me going. i had no ideas for any of it. i just choose anyone of it and started writing. writing shits i guess -.-!

came back home. than dapat dapat datang bulan plakkkk. lerrrrrrr ! batal puase aku. sheeesh. okay whatever.

tomorrow will be having prelim maths paper 2 -.-!

and oh, im moving on (: for the time being, im maintaning my status. sorry guys, cos i still love him.

thanks fyzie for the advice and stuffs (: and oh, thanks hazreel and amsy for wishing me luck (:
and faieq, buck up on your malay dok :D

dearest hakim,
you wanna take care of me still ? i was shock when you sms me that cos i thought you never want to bother about me. i teared cos there's someone who still cares about me who is sick. but really, like i said, if you have found someone else you want to be with. tell me, i'll understand. i'll give you my blessings. thank you for all the love and concern you have given me. i love you still, bby. NH still exist in my heart.

lovelovelove.

2008-09-08T16:48:00.004+08:00

zalikha told me about it. yeaaa, nice song.

and oh my fazzy sis, aku sayang kau. aku rindu kau laaaa ): and ya, meet you tomorrow at the school foyer yea (: rindu uh g school nan kau. heh ^^

im weak.

2008-09-07T20:02:00.000+08:00

i'm okay now ? no idea myself. geee. i don't understand myself. am i for real when i said that ? i don't know. sheeesh. oh c'mon atin ! argh. i could go bonkers over this.

it's over now. so over. *sigh* oh well. what can i do. i just have to accept the fact but the real fact is, i can't. i'm just not strong enough to move on with this oh-no-life life. ohimsuchadumbo. what can i do ? seriously. im lost. i need a map. anyone ? okay, don't bother. im just talking crap. but hey, there's something behind it. figure it out if you're a kpo freak. thanks.

i shed tears no more over that matter. okay, that's a good thing i guess. but i don't know for how long will the shed-no-tears-over-that last. i doubt it will be a permanent one. im weak. don't have to say it. i know it. *sigh* weak sak aku. urgh ! im trying my best to stay strong but to no avail. geee -.-!

i guess i've moved on ? oh no, wait. i have not. adeq said something and it triggers my emotion *wipe tears* why oh why must you talk about it ? im trying to forget it. adeq oiie ! i gotta stop the tears from flowing. *wipe tears*

i gotta move on ! i gotta come back to reality !
but somehow, i'm too scared to face the reality. it's too much for me.

i'm doubly sure and know that i can't rely on those words. it's reality mind you. i'm in the real world not in some fantasy land or something. wake up atin !

no doubt im missing that so much that i shed tears. i want it to be like the last time. it all falls apart. everything's gone. in a blink of an eye )':

i'm contented that the situation is still the same after what had happened. but how long will it last. i could see the difference in the behaviour and attitude. how sad. i doubt it's gonna be a life-long thing. but i really hope and wish that it will be a life-long thing.

who will be the kind soul whose willing to go through thick and thin with me. show me the real meaning of life. show me the path out of my dark misery. show that i'm loved, treasured and appreciated. show that i'm a useful person. show that i'm not a loser in life.
but, do such someone exist ?

****************
and so, today is the last day of the holidays or rather break. dangggg. i've not spent my time wisely. gosh. i've been slacking !? argh. O levels are just round the corner *pulls face!*

tomorrow, malay prelim. im not confident though i'll be re-taking my malay O. from a C6 to an A2 ; possible ? hope a miracle will happen. but im hoping for a B4 at least. maybe i'll re-take one more time next year ; sec5. i'll see how it goes.

i've yet to break my fast for the past few days. weeeee ~

****************
okay. that's it. i had enough of it. im moving on !

weakness.

2008-09-06T23:22:00.000+08:00

Perché non ha messaggio me cari? Sono qui in attesa per il tuo messaggio. yeah, i know non siamo più una coppia ma Continuo a pensare che tu sei il mio amante. I Still non potrebbe portare a me dire che sei solo un amico. i non potrebbe farlo perché il mio amore per voi è molto più di un amico.

i know i can't hope so much on this but really, i can't help myself. oh God. what am i suppose to do now ? im confused. i've never felt this way until this happens. am i wrong to behave or react that way ? am i wrong ? someone please tell me.

So che si tratta solo di messaggistica e animali, ma tutto questo significa tanto per me. almeno con quello, non mi manca così tanto che se mi si oh perdere così tanto in cui non potrebbe descrivere le parole. I perdere tu tanto miei cari.
se non sei il mio primo ma voglio che tu sia il mio ultimo che ho veramente l'amore. il mio amore per te è vero cari. a meno che, di aver trovato qualcun altro. meglio di me, forse. I guess, auguro tutto il meglio di. Sarò pianto per dirti la verità. ti amo tanto ed è vero e mi auguro che ti senti allo stesso modo per me il modo in cui mi sento per voi.

i don't understand myself. i guess i've changed ? for the better in that particular matter ? it's a good thing than. at least i won't be like i use to be the last time. but sadly, it has to turn out this way. *sigh* oh well. retribution for me ? i guess i deserve it.

i got this feeling that egli torna alla sua vecchia fiamma. after that dream, i woke up and tears kept flowing non stop. i can't help myself, once again. i thought i was strong enough to conquer this misery but i was wrong. i don't even know myself. i really hope that my dream will not happen cos if it does, i do not know what to do. i'll break down real bad to tell you. i may look tough on the outside but the fact is im rather sentimental and sensetive girl. i get hurt easily. i could say that's one of my weakness. *sigh*

Non potevo perdere lui. desidero lui ad essere dalla mia parte. desidero che sia parte di me. desidero lui a far parte della mia vita. desidero lui a vedere attraverso di me. Voglio andare con spessore sottile e con lui. desidero lui a pulire la mia via lacrime quando sono triste. i want a lui mi abbraccio. i volere lui to bacio me. Desidero ricevere messaggi buona da lui. i want a tenere la sua mano per sempre. Desidero ricevere messaggi di buon mattino da lui. Mi piace il modo in cui egli mi chiamano bambino. Mi piace il modo in cui ha call me cari. Mi piace il suo modo di dire ti amo a me. desidero lui ad essere il mio, per sempre. cos i amarlo così tanto e il mio amore per lui è vero.

****************
was suppose to meet yana, irul, syasya, yul, fiq at gombak but found out that he is coming down. so i decided not to come. sebok jek dier tu. *bite !* sorry yea friends. you friends know the reason behind it.

so, waited for adeq at the bustop with mama cos she has her madrasah. bus-ed to grandparents' and break fast there. nenek buatkn aku roti pudding. sedapppp ^_^ blablablabla than went to buy some stuffs and bus-ed home.

my MSN account is getting way too crowded. sheeesh. add but did not chat. wth siaaa. a total of 354 contacts ! seriously, no joke. im gonna delete hundreds of you. and please don't re-add unless you wanna talk and keep in touch. i hate mutes laaa siakk. waste space aku jekk laaa orang orang nie. laen kali, tanak chat jgn add ! phm !?

same goes to friendster. im gonna delete hundreds of you. mutes will be deleted. as simple as that. and please, don't re-add after being deleted cos you're just wasting your time and my precious time accepting you, sending you comments and stuffs but in the end you shut up. sheeesh !

sept 8 ; O malay prelim -.-! im lazy for prelims. alemaaaaaak ! paper 1 lagiiik. matilaa ginik. aku dala "power" giler babi dalam karangan. baeq kaper. siaaak jekk. what worries me most is my maths. no hope laaaa *sigh* confirm next year re-take uhhh. alaaaaa ! malas sak aku nan maths. urgh !

i wanna turn back time. oh God. im going bonkers like sooooon. i wanna be in a normal NA class not some through train class. mepek okay that kind of stream. seriously uh. if not, after N i wanna go ITE than proceed to taking private O. but that doltish stream backfired my future plans. rabakkkk. binget tau tak !

handphone aku skrg prangai cm babi. geram tau tak. super irritating if the handphone can't work properly. i wanna buy a new one but im short of cash. i seriously need a job. mama, pls let me go and work. since you're not gonna give me extra pocket money i need to earn my own cash.

sorry, no one can borrow my laptop unless im with you.

i don't think im going shopping-crazy this year end. gonna cancel it. and dang, my birthday falls on dec and i can't enjoy. geee ): i doubt my O results will turn out well. i won't be able to be happy and smiling with that kind of results right ? crazy siaaa if im like that.

i wish i was born on the 14 dec instead of 13 cos 14 is my favourite number and 14 sounds like my name, Fatin. OKAY LAME. hahahahahaha.

it's gonna be sunday sooooon and than comes monday. omggggg. school -.-! i hate school ! ):

i wish.

2008-09-06T00:50:00.004+08:00

i feel like weeping for no particular rationale. is it because i miss him too much ? or is it because i find there's no more meaning for me to move on with life ? or am i too stress up with studies ? i seriously don't know. i'm becoming more saccharine these days. emo, not okay. they are both two different meanings.
i blaspheme i don't know what is wrong. but i feel like sobbing everytime. or breaking down i would say.

i wish there's someone who would stay with me and be with me through thick and thin.
):

only you.

2008-09-05T12:54:00.000+08:00

woohoo ! yesterday was awesome. thank you guys, you made my day.

nenek aku cakap, "pasir masok dalam lobang jubor nanti" hahahahahahahahahaha !

back to today.
nothing much has happen cos im stuck at home (duhhh). woke up late cos im really super ultra exhausted. partly cos im sick. i hate it when im sick. i can't do this i can't do that. boring you know ! oh well. anyway, thank you for the concern people.

i did not fast today. personal assistant ask me not to cos im sick. concern concern ; awwww. kiter syg dier laaa seyyh (:

ayun adeq sedareku, sorry ehk. i need my laptop for art research. really sorry.

mama out working. adeq out schooling. and im in, blogging, listening to songs. mendak oi people.

oh my goodness ! i've yet to start on my homeworks. *pulls face* im oh-so-lazy.
* 3 maths papers !
* complete 6 mounting boards for art !
danggg ! im oh-so-dead now. i've yet to colour my observation drawings and i have 20++ to colour ! *pulls face even longer*

having fever still ; 37.9. feeling awful and im alone some more. *toot* uh. sheeesh. as if no one cared about me. naseb naseb.

non mi sono mai sentito così dolce amore. i dubbi sono caduti in amore, molte volte, ma l'amore mi avete dato era così dolce e puro. oh ci si sente così vero. dopo una rottura, sì che i grido, ma sarò bene in un po 'di tempo. ma dopo le divisioni con voi, mi è stato così male. è come se un coltello aveva trafitto attraverso il mio cuore. i pianto non è stata fermata. non ho potuto aiutare me stesso. anche in pubblico ho pianto. Non mi preoccupo di loro perché si tratta di me e non loro. ci sono molti ragazzi prima di te, ma tu sei il mio primo vero amore. Non ho mai vuole perdere. tu sei il mio unico e solo bambino amore. ti amo così tanto oh, Dio solo lo sa.

missing you always, bby.

2008-09-04T13:48:00.003+08:00

im still hurt deep inside. only God knows and understands me.
yana & irul, thank you for being there the whole night.
steadies, all of you were there. thank you so much.
aan & wan, thank you for those msgs.
to those who cheered me up, thank you. i love every single one of you.

currently, having fever + flu + blocked nose + bad cough. im in a bad shape, but friends, i'll still be meeting you people for breaking fast yea. this always has to happen during fasting month. asl puase jek, saket saket aku seme datang. sheesh. cabaran. insyallah i can fast full-day today.

stuck at home, alone. mendak-to-the-core. im not allowed to go out today -.-" oh well. i don't care. im going out later. im suppose to be resting but my hands are too itchy to touch my laptop *wide grin*

school re-opens, there will be prelims. only God knows how nervous and scared i am. no words could describe it. i so wanna go back to my primary school days where im almost free from problems and i won't have to go through so much misery.

i have this urge to talk about my past life. i miss my primary school days, a lot. only when im in NVPS and not ~~NBPS~~. sorry, no offence yea to those who came from that school. when im in NB, i always got bullied and yes, i was a timid girl at that time. i kept quiet everytime, youknowwho pinches me and stuffs till one day i got super fed-up i told my parents about it. my late father got angry, he went to the school to complain and i quit from that school. bad memories.

i was than transferred to NVPS. everything's great when i was in that school. made a lot of friends. people there were great. even the teachers there were great people. i had loads of fun plus great memories in that school. i so miss my NVPS friends, so much. i build up my confidence there. i miss those teacher's day parties we did for our teachers. i miss going to that haunted SR with you friends. i miss going to school with my lil sis and go to the hall and line up at our respective classes. i miss hanging out in the toilets with you girls. i miss having PE with classmates and friends. i miss going for CCA on every saturday ; creative hands. i miss pottery lessons. i miss the times where i got A for malay, a B for revised syllabus science, C for english and a D for maths where i suck at that subject.

i wish the button 'backspace' works in real life.

bby, if you're reading this, i have one request ; can we continue msg-ing like we use to when we were together ?
i miss you, so much.

Tags reply

4 Sep 08, 13:12
Guest: cheer up. if he's meant to be yours, he will come back to you. smile. no more cryings yea.
atin reply ; thanks.

4 Sep 08, 09:38
the other 7: had to part from him.u've been crying non stop.ur eyes r getting puffy n u're getting tired.u cnt go on lyk dis sis.be brave n strong; move on.u styl haf us. we love u.
4 Sep 08, 09:37
the other 7: babe,we've never seen u cry dis much n it hurts us to c u in dis situation.but,u've to move on.he's not d only guy left.thr r styl others.we noe its hard but we cud c dat u're serious bout hym but u h
atin reply ; yes, im serious this time round but it had to end this way. the fact is, i still am )': i love you friends too.

4 Sep 08, 09:34
irul: tough.but u gotta move on sis.i'll b thr 4 u oryte.i love u, my blood baby sis.
4 Sep 08, 09:33
irul: atin my baby sis.cheer up.there's others out thr waiting 4 u.but i agree wit yana,u muz haf love him so much dat u cried so much n even in d public.i've never seen u felt so hurt like now.i noe its to
atin reply ; yes. i dont give a hoot to the public. im so hurt and i need to let it out. say whatever they want cos they don't know the real situation. thanks abg. adeq loves you too.

4 Sep 08, 09:21
yana: b strong. cheer up bby.mb,iloveyou.
4 Sep 08, 09:21
yana: atin my dear,be sad no more.u styl haf me.life has to go on.i cud see dat u love him very much only God knows.coz i've never seen u felt so hurt n cud not stop crying n i noe dat even today u're cryin
atin reply ; yes, i love him very much. no doubt im still )': thanks sis. i love you too.

4 Sep 08, 06:12
aan chikanoz: baby dun b sad ok
atin reply ; thanks kawan.

you might never see me again.

can anyone tell me the real meaning of true love ?

2008-09-03T22:36:00.003+08:00

i still can't accept the fact that we're not like before. it hurts you know. it's a big blow to me. it's like so sudden that everything's gone and yes, i hate you for doing that. i kept saying i hate you but no, the more i say i hate you the more i love you. i've never felt so hurt after a seperation. you mean so much to me.
i cried the whole day ; as im reading your msgs, as im waiting for the bus, as im on my way to somewhere in the bus, as im walking to somewhere and even now, as im typing, tears are still flowing. i don't give a damn to what the public say when they saw tears flowing down my cheeks. i can't help myself cos i love you, so much but i had to part from you. the tears have not stop flowing.
i tried to forget everything but i can't. i missed you so much.
i thought it will be the end of me having to go through another breakup but it has to happen, once again.
it feels so different without receiving your sms-es. i miss your sweet msgs. i miss talking craps with you. i miss everything about you. it's not even a day but im already missing all of it. most of all, the one i miss is, you.

)':

nazirul hakim, i love you still.
missing you always.

for the sake of it.

2008-09-01T14:42:00.000+08:00

got it from liting's blog.

4b1 '08 !

31 aug 2008
manage to get some sleep at 4:15. woke up around 10+. baths and stuffs and out with mama and adeq to meet nenek and atok. went to hajjah maimunah restaurant to have lunch.

long queue, had to wait long before getting seats. food, nice :D

after that, walked around and i swear i almost fall asleep. i was down there feeling super ultra bored. that's so not my place. oh well. what to do. thanks to boyfriend and yana for keeping me company through sms-ing.

blablabla and than nenek and atok bus-ed home while mama, adeq and myself mrt-ed to ang mo kio hub. finally, i got that red crumpler to replace my lost one. thanks mama !

1 sept 2008
im just gonna be random. blogging for the sake of blogging.

today, the start of fasting month. after ramadhan, it's gonna be hari raya and im so not looking forward to it. puase da start, no more vulgarities and talking horny (pesan dari iqa) HAHAHAHAHAHA. anyway, selamat ber-fasting to all muslims !

gonna rot at home. wanna go out, but lazy. wanna go online, but lazy. wanna do homework, but not in the mood. wanna hog on the phone, but lazy. okay whatever. going to grandparents' place for breaking fast later. harjuna will be there. oh-so-cute boi ! geram oi ! plus, cousins will be there too. i miss them laaa.

one week break ; so lil time with so many things to complete. i hate school. i hate studies. i hate academics. goodness ! why are studies freaking important ? how i wish the world could be carefree. that will be freaking awesome yaw. okay, fantasy-s i know, like once again. homeworks homeworks homeworks. only those occupy me. grrrr -.-" have not even started on my maths. art, not even 1 mounting board is full ! and i have to complete 6 boards !
* 24 oct : O maths paper 1 !
* 30 oct : O maths paper 2 !
* 5 nov : O MT paper 1 & 2 !
and still i have next year O levels to worry. gosh.

my savings are going down. blame me for having itchy hands. geeeee -.-" mama, im passing you my ATM card to you. help me keep it. far away from me. i tend to *press pin number* whenever im out, often. i gotta learn to SAVE. okay, i gotta stop buying stuffs. i mean my wants that is. gotta control. i pity my mama. sorry mama, atin will try my best.

adeq 14. aku 16. (only we know, so don't be a kpo freak) i wanna stop at 19. i don't wanna be 20 and above. 20 with the 2 in front sounds so old. but but, i do want to grow up. okay, contradicting i know. i wanna take driving license. i wanna ride a motorbike but mama won't allow me too. hmph ): RANDOM-ness.

i wanna earn lots lots of money so that i could take care of mama and she won't hve to work so hard anymore. i want her to rest and enjoy life. that's a way for me to thank her for taking care of me. for putting up with nonsense. for being super patient with me. for giving money for my school and transportation and even on my wants. for saving me from being nagged by teachers. for protecting me. for teaching the rights and wrongs. for putting me through school and willing to pay for my education fees when we're financially unstable at one point of time. for staying up late at night accompanying me doing my homeworks. for being there when i needed someone. for seeing me though my darkest and most vulnerable moments.
frankly, i hate it when you nag/scold/control me. but i do know you did that cos you love me and want nothing bad to happen to me. aku sayang mama aku (:
pssst ; she's also my best-est shopping partner :DD

and to that someone, i want to fight with you, NO MORE. im getting sick and tired of it. and i think this is stupid. like seriously uh. i guess im stupid enough to fight with you. sheesh ! shame on me. okay whatever it is i don't care. say or do whatever you want. and to add on it, it is fasting month. i don't want my "points" to be deducted cos of you. oh well. im moving on. you're just another stranger to me.

my studies ; progress's deteriorating. im so ashamed. all my other sec4 cousins are doing much better than myself. wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy better i would say. *sigh* but, who cares, im gonna do my best (: it reminds me of what my grandma told me yesterday over lunch ; "atin masok ITE pon takpe. ITE pon skrg standard da tinggi. kerje keras je. lps ITE boleh masok poly. lps tu kalau ade rezeki, atin boleh blaja luar negeri. i have faith in you. nenek nk tgk cucu perempuan pertame nenek berjaye. nenek slalu doakn untok cucu nenek. semoge berjaye" i find it cute and she's very supportive. nenek aku gerek ! :D

JUSTIFY.

okay, let me get straight to the point ; i miss my bby.

2008-08-31T03:34:00.004+08:00

it's 3:15 in the morning now and i still can't sleep. my eyes are still wide awake. i don't know why. anyway, since im wide awake, i decided to blog ; whatever i could think of that is. oh well.

i don't know the real situation right now. we seem to be drifting apart. we're no more like we use to be. you're different now. very different. why ? is it because of me ? tell me than. i won't be ticking you off or something.
i don't want us to drift further. pls, come back. i want the old you, back.

now, we're no more sisters. get that straight. you don't deserve it cos you don't treasure our friendship. now, fcuk off and go to hell. i never wanna see you ever again. enough of your fugging nonsense. enough is enough. i've put up with you for over 2 years and now it's OVER. i don't want to have a friend like you. im ashamed to have a friend like you.

friendster ; BORING. gonna delete friends after my O's. anonymous people won't be accepted. sex maniacs can fcuk off. i don't know why they have to do this !? my goodness ! get a lyfe suckas ! mutes will be deleted. i don't mind having only 10 friends left so long they talk and keep in touch.

MSN ; will only be online if i need to. anything else, find me after O's. stop bugging me to go online. thank you.

i've been hogging on the phone for like hours till now. lucky it's my house phone or i'll cry if i receive my hp bills. thengzx for keeping me company babe (:

i need a job, but mama do not allow me to work. oh well. she wants me to concentrate on my studies. thoughtful mother (:

im so gonna throw that bag away ! (only some knows what i mean)

there will be one week break. no remedials. homeworks there is -.-"

frankly, i hate it when im asked a question. just say it to me and i'll see if i agree or disagree. okay. i hate to do planning, seriously. cos, i don't like to lead the way. whatever it is, im no pushover.

they couldn't care less as long as someone wil bleed.

reasonable.

2008-08-30T22:23:00.002+08:00

woke up kinda early. had my bath, a long one. got ready and stuffs. around +/- 9am, went out with mama and adeq. mrt-ed to jurong and taxi-ed to international business park, acer. send adeq's laptop for repair. blablabla. than walked to IMM for lunch.

after lunch, walked around. after that, 143-ed to orchard. aku, mak aku, adeq aku kat bus interchange btol pe slenger bac. malu siots. main purpose was to go to borders. so ya, walked there and wow ! books, i like !

i took super long time to buy a book. A BOOK i mean. haha. rabak aku tau. there's like so many books i wanted to buy but i gotta save too right. bought a book titled, GOTHIC which cost me 17 bucks. yes, im into horror, mysteries and even romance. im the sentimental type too okay. heee. also, i bought a pocket file. cute okay.

a friend told me that the books there are expensive ? i was like, no. the books are not expensive. the pricing there are rather reasonable laaa friend. pe jekkk. sometimes even popular sell a lot more expensive.

after that, mrt-ed to woodlands. walked around causeway point. but still, adeq have not make up her mind on buying a birthday present. great -.-" 965-ed back to yishun and head to northpoint. bought double chocolate frappe :D kiter tige lalu tempat yang samer nta brape kali cm org bodoh laa seyyyh. haha. 800-ed home. home sweet home, NOT.

b, i don't care about other hot guys.
cos, i already have you.
and you are the only guy that i want to be with.
i love you.
i miss you syg.

mine or them ?

2008-08-29T15:13:00.004+08:00

it's gonna be a rather wordy post.

school.
and so OPSS celebrated teacher's day today plus aces day. funfunfunfun i tell you. had the N6 cluster dance inter-school competition in the morning. it was awesome yaw. had fun though i can't really dance :D "put the corky". hahahahahahahahaha ! many versions of that song. oh well, don't get it ? nevermind. only 4b1 understands.

the teacher's day performance was great i could say. seriously i had fun today. was screaming and shouting. ex students of OPSS came back. teachers winning awards for the "gan-chiong", "never give chance", "loud", "story teller" etc. teachers. great fun i tell you.

and oh, 4B1 is the champion in the whole of sec4/5 cohort for the inter-school competition N6 cluster dance ! woooohooooo ! 4B1 rocks laaaa okay ! :DDDD

Nothing seems right.
yea, nothing seems to go RIGHT. i get kinda fcuked up, like seriously. i don't know if it's my fault or is it the people around me. im clueless. someone tell me pls ? i don't want to be called the baddie. it's sad you know.

i guess im turning back to my old ways. rabak. oh no. i broke my promise. im sucha letdown. sorry to those concern. give me another chance will you ? let me try again. i regret much. and this time im dead serious. i wanna change. for the better that is. but it's hard you know. you should know cos you've been through what im going through.

that's the case and i think you dont have the right to reprimand me. you should give me time. as time pass im sure im gonna make it. im remorse right now. i cried so hard last night cos i know im sucha letdown. sorry for all those attitudes i gave. i really don't mean it. forgive me, will you ?

i guess, it's best that i leave ? but i know that i have to tackle it, fast. there's not much time left. prelims are still not over. end of year coming real soon. than O levels comes. im too stressed up. i suck at academics. i suck at tackling problems. i suck at controlling my temper. i suck at controlling my mood swings. i guess i suck at everything. im nothing good. i know.

but hey, im gonna be a useful person in time to come. just give me time.

i can, not.
it feels as if that im not eventhough that i am. haix. i feel as if im not treasured ): i don't know if i should tell you. im scared to do so. i use to talk starightforward but for this matter, i can't. im afraid to lose you.

im really sorry D:

i really am. i guess im wrong. i thought it would turn put fine but it turns out to be a disastrous one. i dont know what happened but on behalf of everyone im saying sorry. but i assure you that everything's gonna be fine after this. and don't worry cos im not gonna bother you anymore. i did not take this as a fight or anything else. ily friend. but, what can i say. frankly, ihy for accusing me with no reasons or whatsoever. but i could do nothing about it. move on i guess. take care my friend. bye.

miss.misses.

irul, steadies will be missing you. we're sorry that we can't help. but whatever it is you're still part of us and you'll always be my abg angkat who is always there for me. steadies love you. very much. you take care. we'll be waiting for you. 3 years, make it a fast one God. im missing my abg.

myself.atin.fatin.

i don't know. nowadays, i could not even understand me. frustrating you know. im vexed enough and still there are those who are bugging me. shitheads. im going through a lot. yes, a lot. im not ready to face any challenges though im a growing girl. i have so lil confidence in myself. and it's not a good sign. i feel oh-so-passive. that's so not me. mama says imma aggresive one and i agree on that. im rather agressive than passive and at times im said to be assertive. oh, how i wish i could stay that way but i can't. cos im aggresive. i sometimes think about only me and only me. i heck care to whatever that is happening around me. yea, you could say that im selfish. am i too self-centered ? tell me, honestly. i need to change, to be a better person. im really sorry if i offended any of you. im saying sorry from the bottom of my heart. im sincere. i won't repeat it. no doubt, revenge is my bestfriend. you could say im doltish or whatsoever. but really, revenge is what i do. only if i want to that is. im being frank here. don't think imma monster laaa. im just like every other human being on Earth.

it's okay if you love me no more. it's okay if you bother about me no more. it's okay if you dont return my msgs. i guess i deserve it.

)':

2008-08-28T22:55:00.001+08:00

saper makan cili terase pedas laa kn.

went to school with zalikha. before that i went to meet yana. thengzx so muchness babe. aku sayang kau siots ^^ once again, THANK YOU.

and so, slack at the canteen before assembly. zalikha brought nasi samabl goreng[?] she asked me to eat with her. so ya, ate with her including wani. and that was my FIRST TIME eating rice in school before assembly. haha.

no assembly, back to class cos it was raining. and again for the FIRST TIME i finish reading the newspapers ; every section which includes, straits time, life, home. haha.

lessons as per normal. chemistry first. i failed my test by four marks. wasted ! ): PE was fun ! dancedancedance. 4B1 rocks okay ! :D MT, 2 periods. freaking bored i tell you. i get so restless but in the end i fall asleep. great, nice weather to sleep in. maths was okay. and i know im gonna fail my prelim ): english, going through summary and stuffs.

stayed back for a while to write some words on the cards for the teachers that some 4b1 mates made. after that, blablabla. cut long story short. walked with liting, gernette and bird. than bus-ed home with gernette.

met irul on the way. it's been long since we met bro. imy laaa. and don't worry, your lil sis here is alright. she's strong like her bro (: anyway, you be strong. you're strong anyway (: me and the rest will be waiting for you. take care.

Afgan. ST12. UNGU. D'masiv. Didi. Flop Poppy. Gigi. Sixth Sense. Sofaz. Vagetoz ; current fav band(s)/singer(s).

and oh, happy 5mths to zalikha and irfan (:

no mood uh. bye !

lost.

2008-08-27T17:37:00.000+08:00

i'll give you my best. promise.
im trying.

today, maths P1 prelim, O.

slept only at 1am. woke up at 7am to did a bit more revision but still, i have no confidence. arrived school around 9:30am. 4b1 had chemistry test. i guess i flunk this test too ?

at 10:45am, went up to the hall for prelim. i was so freaking nervous but manage to cool myself. i have too many thoughts running through my mind. i can't concentrate. my mind is distutbed by all the probs. i get really frustrated that i gave up many questions. damn ! i know that im not gonna pass this paper ): i've tried not to think about it but it keeps coming back. i've tried my best to concentrate. i've tried. really.

i guess i have to buck up on paper 2 ? gosh !

family. i can't stand any longer. im sorry to those who asked. it's a private matter. anyway, thank you for your concern.

no! la mia pancia è sempre più grande! desidero snellire!

i can't believe im already taking O's and it's sucha pressure.

damnit laa. handphone broken down, ONCE AGAIN and it's a new one. urgh. memory stick go hay wire. pictures all gone. songs all disappear. oh great ! *sarcastic-ly.
i wanna new handphone, pretty pleassssssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeee.

sorry, no late night calls aye. im not gonna pick up. if it's important call my house or sms me first.

fever, again. pfffft.

hotmail ; checked yesterday and today i receive 95 new messages ! okay, im lazy so i'll reply soooooon okay.
MSN ; might be creating a new one.

im dead bored laaa !

sick still.

2008-08-26T16:56:00.003+08:00

giddy + feeling nauseous + cold.

maths and english was alright. MT and physics, free periods ; freaking bored. recess ; aru nak makan. tempat orang da conquer. damn. so, bought bread and sat outside art studio with zalikha and nadz.

and so, art ; 5 periods. was pretty fine. mdm loy ; on course. so 4b1 art students are being independent. for the whole 5 periods, i was doing nothing except cutting my drawings to be pasted on the mounting boards. my fingers are aching i tell you. elson sat beside me cos he wants to listen to my mp4 too. techno laa oii ;D and dragon ; non stop saying "aku tak tau. *toot* *toot*" than he ask me what he was saying cos he do not understand. hahahahahahahhaha !

i have a total of 17 observation drawings only. no modifications. loads more to go laa seyyyh.

tomorrow ; O level prelim, maths paper 1 !
damn. im not prepared, seriously. im so dead.

will be able to arrive school by 10:30 am tomorrow but 4b1 had not done chemistry test, we have to get to school by 9:30 am. geee -.-"

books ; long over dued ! goodness, mama gonna roar again -.-"
money ; saving ;D
school ; not fine but okay.
family ; no comment.
friends ; super fine ;D
english ; improving, i guess.
maths ; no comment -.-"
malay ; passing.
physics ; passing ;D
chemistry ; failing D:
history ; passing ;D
social studies ; not so bad.
art ; passing ;D
OKAY RANDOM.

2008-08-25T17:00:00.000+08:00

yes, everything.

running a temperature of 38 degrees yesterday night. this morning i though i could get an MC and slack at home but surprisingly im feeling so much better ; fever, gone. back to 36.5 degrees. weird cos i did not swallow any panadols or whatsoever. oh well.

anyway, school was alright. kinda boring though ; overall that is. had english test ; compo re-test. hopefully i pass ? i think i write a bit too long and some parts go hay wire. ah ! great. okay whatever. chemistry was alright i guess. have yet to finish the thick stack of revision worksheets. PE was kinda fun i could say. did the dance, jyeah ! SS was bored cos i did not bring my notes, like AGAIN. before that, daus was like demo-ing how to wear a bra. wth. funny okay. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. maths, free period. physics, as always fine. received back our test papers and im disappointed with mine. just pass. grrr !

anyway, 1:40 school's dismissed ; for some classes only. went home straight with gernette. started to feel giddy and my temperature went up again to 38 degrees. im freaking bored, so i decided to blog when im suppose to be in lalaland. one thing, i hate having to take those bitter pills. yucks !

and yes, whatever that is written on the pic is oh-so-true. oh well. i don't know what should i be doing. confused at the moment. everything's in a mess. all tangled up and i don't know if it could ever be seperated, once again.

aku stress. aku fed up. aku marah. aku binget. aku sedeh. aku ~~gembira~~. life's not fair.

i have lots of things to be done. homeworks homeworks homeworks homeworks ! i'll go bonkers anytime, soooooooon. art, undone. maths, halfway through. malay, halfway through. chemistry, 1/4 done. i need help in art. seriously. mdm loy is away and i have no one to ask. she's always away at the wrong time i tell you. frustrating you know !

my hair is showing signs that it's dye-d. im so not gonna dye it black, like AGAIN. im not gonna bother about the hairchecks or whatsoever. ni seme le gi jahanam. i want to grow longer laa siots. quick quick quick ! -.-" maybe going rebonding again, at the end of the year. mama ask me to go for big curls :O

oh shit, i lost my house keys. mama is so gonna roar at me :X geee, i guess i have to pay with my own bucks for replacement. a total of 24 bucks ! aku da pokai laa seyyyh.

i got puffy eyes. im not gonna elaborate more.
):

and oh, why do you have to care what concept do i follow. my prob laa okay. i don't need your so called advice or whatsoever. just mind your own besswax okay. stop all your fugging nonsense. go fcuk yourself okay ?

im gonna create another box on my wants. it's gonna motivate me to save save save save save ! okay i know it's kinda lame. but who cares ;D

thanks for your company.

2008-08-24T21:25:00.001+08:00

2nd post of the day.

and so went out with zalikha. met her at 3pm usual place and head to woodlands library. 965-ed there and saw haikal (pri school friend) and his friends. said hello. chat and stuffs. did homework at woodlands library. did my maths and still, it's finished, not. okay whatever.

and oh, zalikha pass me a letter. awwww, so sweet of you. my one and only fazzy sis. i love you yea (:

after that mrt-ed to sembawang library. she borrowed books and mrt-ed back to causeway point. and the part when the mrt door was about to close. i know zalikha knows. malu siols. hahahahaha.

walked around causeway point. bought double choc frappe ; at last ! ;D i seriously have loads of things i wanna buy. zalikha knows. heh ^^

- that samsung camera ; 349 bucks.

- that headphone ; 39 bucks.

- that PUMA bag ; 71 bucks.

and loads more. save save save save save save !

after that 969-ed back to yishun. walked around northpoint. than 800-ed home. went crazy taking pics in the bus and laughing like no one's business. oh well. who cares. haha.

aku sayang zalikha oi ! ;D

the misery.

2008-08-24T13:55:00.003+08:00

it's starting all over again and i don't know how much longer can i take. the pain in my heart is unbearable. soon, it will be broken into pieces once again. my heart's been mended but it has to be broken once again. i cant stand it any longer. in a crude manner, it sucks having to face all these fugging misery. but no matter what, im gonna stay strong cos my love ones are here, supporting me and cheering me up. i don't know what's gonna happen to me without you great people. maybe you might never see me again. i know the way i think is shallow but the problem made me think that way.

i guess im breaking down once again. why oh why must it happen to myself ? ni la ujian bagiku. aku rela menerimanya. insyallah aku dapat menerimanya dengan tabah.

i love you mama. i love you adeq. i love you papa. even if i have no friends, i still have them. only them will see me through my life. it's just that papa has left us, forever. papa, no matter what, i love you still. i miss you. i miss you so much that i cried. i cried every night thinking of you. how i regretted treating you that way. those cries, that explains my puffy eyes.

oh god, pls give me the strength to move on. im still young and too weak to face all of these.
with all these surfacing out, i cant concentrate on my studies. prelims coming real soon, followed by end-of-year and lastly O maths and malay. how am i gonna concentrate ?

i have no one else to turn to. everyone else are busy with their own stuffs and some are even facing some problems. what is this world turning to ?

i miss boyfriend so much ):

confused.

2008-08-23T20:24:00.003+08:00

a picture tells a thousand words. but to me, it dosen't.

im currently with yana plus my laptop at my void deck. it's a lucky thing wireless internet exist. at least i could bring my laptop out when i feel fugged up at home like right now. thank you for sacrificing the trip to accompany me. ily. thengzx to yana's company or you people might never see me again.

sorry friends, i won't be joining you friends to see the fireworks. im not in the mood. we'll catch it next year aye. sorry once again. i don't want to spoil the happy mood to a sad/angry one with my current mood right now. you friends have fun aites.

i can't stand having to face the four walls 24/7. i need my life back ! get it ? sorry for being rude but i can lie no more. im a kid no more. im turning sixteen this year and not some 3 year-old-kid like hello. i can't believe that im treated this way. i feel so ashame of my friends don't you know that.

problems. and i thought it's over. i won't elaborate what had happened today. it makes my blood boil when i come to think of that. i always feel like running away from home. my home is never a home to me since i move in to 200+. it's more like a prison to me. i wanna get out of this house ! ASAP !

Dear tragedy, what more do you want from me ?

i don't know if you know. but i guess i just say it. i don't know how much longer can i hold on. frankly, im pissed off with you. i sometimes think that you're faking your situation. sorry to say that but that's just how i felt. i know that you feel that im doubting you but really, that's not the case. don't you understand ? i guess you dont ? try putting yourself in my shoes. what would you feel ? i feel that im neglected. i feel that im not important to you. i feel that im not treasured. i feel that.. okay i'll stop cos this will go on and on. i wish you could be like the others. i feel jealous of my friends don't you know that ? i guess not. oh well. i don't know if what you're saying is true. i can't describe what im feeling right now. i've been questioning myself ; should i or should i not ? no one can help me on this. it concerns my life and obviously i cant ask you cos it concerns you too. i feel like crying right now. i feel so lonely. though i have friends around but still they are just people to have fun with. they have their own life to lead.
ho bisogno di te. ho bisogno di essere dalla mia parte. i bisogno a rimanere con me. ho bisogno di voi abbraccio a me quando sono giù. ho bisogno di bacio me per dimostrare che mi amate. ho bisogno di te. ho bisogno di te così tanto. non posso portare io stesso a dire i volere rottura con te solo perché la libertà di cosa. non posso farlo perché ti amo. il mio amore per te è puro. francamente, sei il mio primo vero amore. come per il mio passato ama, non mi sono mai sentito così. non sei la mia prima, ma sei il mio primo vero amore e voglio trascorso il resto della mia vita con te. Sono allegate, ma non credo, come ho allegato. *sobs*
i can't take this anymore !

oh great. i fugging hate you for doing that. thanks la ehk ! don't give me those fugging promises when you know you can't keep it. it pissed me off ! stop saying sorry to me cos i know it's gonna be a repeated thing. i don't wanna speak these words but sorry i have to.

you may see im enjoying myself and happy always but the fact is, im crying on the inside. buckets full of tears and still it has not stopped. i may look like imma strong person but the fact is im not. im going through what im going through the last time, once again. *wipe tears*

I GIVE UP !

bby, im glad you came into my life.
im sorry for that attitude i gave you today, really i am.
i feel so bad.
and you're sucha an understanding guy.
thank you. thank you so much for being understanding.
i don't know what to say. you're sucha great guy and no one has ever treated me like the way you do.
thank you for everything my dear.
im not giving up on you. don't worry b.
im trying my best syg.
and remember kn, we will go through thick and thin together.
i love you oh so much.

2008-08-22T23:58:00.000+08:00

thengzx for accompanying me cuzzy. thengzx for cheering me up with those oh-so-stupid-lame-funny jokes. thengzx for going round and round np with me for the sake of me not wanting to go home. though you're 2 years younger than me, you do understand me. i love you sis.

im currently pissed with my family members. not all though. im angry with my aunts. im angry with myself. im angry with the people around me with no apparent reason. i don't know what's going on or happening to me. or is it the surroundings ?

i thought everything is back to normal but i guess not. things starts to go hay wire. all over the place. tangled with the wires around and could never be untie ? i don't know. seriously. things have taken the worst and it's a bad sign. im beginning to feel that im worthless, useless towards my family. this reminds me of Lskills lesson today. im not a passive person but now i don't know why i seem to be one. oh no, pls atin. you cant be that way. see, i could not even be confident. what's gonna happen to myself ? im no more like i use to be *insertsadface*

i want to be the old me once again. i miss the old fatin mariam binte tasrip very much ):

as for friends ; i don't know, really. i rather be alone than being with them. i know and only me knows why. i don't wish to type it out here or talked to someone. i rather it stays with me. i don't want things to blow up. if another matter were to blow up, i guess im gonna go *explode!* too.

contradictions. that's the thing i hate. abhore it to the max/core. just like _______. i don't want to blow up the matter that's why i rather be away from _______. i purposely do not talk to _______. i purposely gave that attitude. i do this so as you will stay away from me. i don't want myself to get hurt. frankly, im already hurt. i just don't want to lie to myself and hurt myself deeper. i don't know if the hurt is gonna heal. but whatever it is, even if it's healed, the scar remains. the scar that was done by you whom is my friend.

i hate having problematic family !

i wanna have happy family.

walk away.

2008-08-20T20:55:00.002+08:00

i was almost late thanks to the alarm clock ; sorry zal. anyway school was alright. whatever it is, wednesdays sucks.

first period swop with the last period. so, upper sec had assembly in the first period and it's about cca's. boring, that's the word but still, i regret not attending my cca if not i could at least get 1 bonus point. chemistry was okay even for the last period. maths was alright and i pass the O level june paper 2008. happy ! physics is always fine, as usual. history was kinda bored but still okay with the munich agreement stuffs. english was super fine ; sentence structures is easy[?] MT was bored, to the max/core/hell or whatever words you could think of. SS was alright it's just that i did not bring my whole stack of notes.

after school, grab a bite at the canteen with gernette. after that head to CR3[?] for the NE survey. frankly, it's kinda lame but i enjoy it. i swear. haha. blablabla. cut story.

bus-ed home, alone. in the bus, there's this stranger suddenly came to me and ask "urm, hello. awak sec4 ehk? amek O level ehk?" i replied, "urm, ya." he said, "good luck tao. all the best." than walk off smiling away. i was like, errrr ? i was confused at that time. but funny laaa kn. only me knows. hahaha. macam macam.

me siento tan mal. me siento tan culpable. realmente. Soy culpable. ¿Por qué recibo yo a sucky esta situación? Oh ¿por qué por qué. Lamento ahora. pero no, me encanta él. Sí. mucho. Oh no. pero sigo perder mi ex. mucho aunque estamos juntos sólo durante una semana. I Miss él, pero se me olvida mi novio más. Oh mi Dios! ¿Qué estoy suponer a hacer ahora? ayuda! Tengo que sacarle de mi cabeza y dejar de desaparecidos. si no voy a estar haciendo de él un error. una grave. por favor me hacen dejar de pensar en él porque me encanta mi novio. mucho.

ihateyoufordoingthat, friend. hmph !

woooo ! ;DDDD
i want that !
i want that !
i want that HAIR !
HAHAHHAHA.

i've saved quite a lot. YES ! for the first time. mama, im saving. no more asking from you always.
finished reading those 2 books. great books !
no.ijustdon'tlikeyou.sorry.cosyou'vehirtmenotoncebutthrice.moveon.
she's away. YESSA ! akhirnya, aman dunia aku.
i want to grow tall.

minah ? bitch ? wth. say laa whatever you want cos i don't give a big fcuk to it. im just me. that's just me. oh well. get a life. loser !

nazirulhakim. ku cinta kamu.
i miss you like so so much.
i love you muchness bby.

the whatevers.

2008-08-19T18:08:00.001+08:00

painting done by gernette, weiling and myself.

those 2 pics above ; thengzx weiling for sending them ;D

and exactly how long is forever ?

sorry for that attitude i gave. i don't mean it. im sorry.

was so not in the mood for school. felt like absent-ing myself. i force myself to get ready for school. told zalikha about _____. oh well. hopefully everything's back to normal.

maths was not maths. no lessons cos mr chia came in late. no english and no malay lessons. teachers were absent. off to the hall for the free periods. dang. F boring laaa. physics test was.... im not sure if i could pass like i always did. i guess i flunk this test ?

art was alright i guess. everyone has their own topic to work on. mine is, mechanics VS nature. mdm loy ask me to go to the la vista and cut one of the heliconia, i dont know how to spell. i was like, im-so-lazy-to-go-down-laa. anyway, i went down, cut and back up. lucky no one saw if not i'll go *conk* did observation drawings and i only did 1. the school do not have gears for me to draw *insertboringface* after drawing, i slack and walk around chatting with friends. the class were given 6 mounting boards each. im so lazy to cut and paste.

brought home that super heavy A3 art file plus that 6 A2 size mounting boards. my goodness ! anyway, someone helped me carry it to the bustop ; thengzx aye wei shen ;D bus-ed home with friends than i 800-ed home.

what's happening ? will you stop raking the past. i guess im not important to you any longer yea ? oh well. *insertsadface*

che suonava così non si bambino. stai bene ? im preoccupato più triste vedere che in questo stato. Non so perché sei così. mi dicono che voi, bambino ? se non vi è alcun problema potete dirmi. ricordare che ? Sono sempre qui per voi. Ora so perché. bambino, non preoccuparti okay. tutto sarà bene. entrambi sono nella stessa barca; tenendo principali esame. i, saranno da voi. I will be alright sostegno si bambino. allietare fino okay (:

im gonna start mugging tonight. im gonna start doing my homeworks properly. gonna concentrate on every subject. goodness. im taking 6 subjects and i suck at all minus art. imsuchadumbass. no im not. im just being plain lazy. yay ! im passing my C.humanities. im passing physics but my chemistry is still stuck at F9. so, no pass for C.science. oh ya ! a C5 for english (improved ! from F9) maths is my biggest worry. i've not been passing since im promoted to do express maths (sec3) !? wth. if i got a C6 for my O's i'll be fugging happy i tell you and i will not be re-taking. for sure.

priority now is to concentrate on my studies ; end of year exams + prelims + O levels.
* gonna cut down on using my laptop in irrelevant stuffs.
* gonna cut down hogging on the phone for hours.
* gonna cut down slacking around with friends doing nothing.
* gonna concentrate with revisions/homeworks without watching TV.
yea, im gonna pass my O's. hopefully. insyallah (:

i know what i want to do in life. yes, very sure. im gonna work smart towards it. im gonna achieve it. i wanna have a house on my own where i can bring my mama to stay with me. i wanna have a car on my own where i can bring myself, family & friends out. i wanna have a walk-in wardrobe. yes, my dream. okay okay. im thinking too far. haha. at least i know what i want. i wanna make lots of ka-ching and be successful. yea, talk is easy but achieving it is hard. whatever it is, im gonna make it. insyallah (:

babo19866@hotmail.com ; wtf sia you !? kau le gi mampos sua. tak paham pe makne busy !? bodoh pe. sial.

27 august prelim starts ; maths paper 1.
september ; start of EOY.
24 october ; O level maths paper1.
30 0ctober ; O level maths paper2.

you know what. i still can't believe that im already taking my O's. seriously. though i have gone through O level malay in mid year and it turns out to be a disappointment. oh well. retaking it anyway. mama i still can't believe im taking my O's ! okay lameshit. haha.

la mia pancia è sempre grande. Non so perché. Non posso esprimere movimento troppo. perché? sono i malati o qualcosa? Voglio essere ancora una volta sottile! non più flabby parti del corpo.

sorry friend, i don't know but i don't think i could trust you anymore. your words, your actions, your behaviours, your attitude ; very contradicting. and i could see you rather be with them than me. i get kinda frustrated or irritated by it but now, i don't care. you can go with them for all i care. i have my other friends around who still cares about me.

i want to be independent. i don't want to be dependant on someone all the time. i know imma spoiltbrat and im trying to change. to be a better someone.

akurindubangetsamanazirulhakim.

bored-bored-er-border-est-bored-iest.

2008-08-18T19:32:00.000+08:00

daus wants me to do this. so ya ;

#1 List 5 Guys who u THINK tat is very closed to YOU!!
1) irul
2) hakim
3) yul
4) syaril
5) fiq

#2 Hav u ever think of being in relationship wif No. 2?
; oh, he's mine (:

#3 Describe 4 Things abt No. 5
* My abg angkat.
* My belo partner.
* Member of steadies.
* Fun to hang out with.

#4 What is the most memorable time being wif No. 4 as frenz?
; being twins for a day ;DD

#5 How do u feel if u and No. 1 were stranded on an island all by urselves?
; we go crazy already. he's my crazy bro ;D

#6 Hav u been angry wif No. 3 4 no reason?
; yeaa.

#7 who do u think is dah most handsome among dah 5 guys u choose?
; ntaaa.

#8 When is dah last time u SEEN no. 1, 3, 5?
; ages ago ):

#9 Do u feel like u miss No. 2 and 4 NOW?
; i miss no.2 more ):

#10 wat will happen if No. 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5 do not exist?
; my life will be a fugging boring one.

#11 Now list 5 Ladies who u THINK tat is very Close to YOU!!
1) ZALIKHA.
2) Yana.
3) Iqa.
4) Ina.
5) Wani.

#12 How do u feel wen u make no.4 angry?
; i feel sucha a baddie.

#13 Wat r ur plans if u and No. 3 go out together as frenz?
; we'll get super hyper !

#14 No.1 is a...(say 4 things abt who she is)
* My Fazzy sis.
* Someone whom i can turn to about all things.
* SINGS OH SO WELL ;DD
* i know she loves me ;P

#15 Would u ever date no. 5?
; like hello, im not a les.

#16 Wat is so Negative abt No.2
; can't think of anything.

#17 How do u feel if u see No.2 and 5?
; happy laa. kawan rapat siols.

#18 wat will u DO if no. 1 and 3 got into a fight?
; they don't even know each other.

#19 Who is most sexy?
; me. jkjk. HAHAHAHHA.

#20 wat will happen if No. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 does nt exist?
; i will never find such true friends.

Tag 5 ppl to do dah Quiz:
; anyone laaa.

i could say that today is fugging boring. seriously. it kills me. not literally, duhh. anyway off to school as usual with zalikha. naseb ader rambot ehkk tu apek. WOW ! hahahahahaha. (zalikha and me knows)

told her about i know she knows. sad seyyyyyh. sorry ehk aku ternangis japp. i sound so emo. OKAY CRAP. i want that to NEVER happen again. BITCH, GET A LIFE SUCKA ! kau buat agik aku make sure VJJ kau da tkder guner.

4 periods FREE. went to the hall. 2 periods of english, slack. 1 period chemistry, reading. i just love reading " The Vampire Kisses" by L. J. Smith. PE was next. went to music room and had the N6 cluster dance and it's oh-s0-boring. recess, another day of peace (gernette knows) SS, another free period. goodness ! BORINGGGGGGG i tell you. maths, was okay. did not do the test and how lucky i was. the test was so difficult. history was alright. i like history ? OKAY CRAP. physics was super fine. went to the lab and had practical. as usual, elson and his nonsense plus dragon who forever will ask me "what to do ah ?" hahahaha ;DD

after school, stayed back with gernette cos of the tie tingy. bodoh pe skola laaa. wait and wait and wait and wait and at last, returned and bus-ed home. she alight and home alone. i was thinking and thinking and thinking about loads of stuffs. i just want to have a happy life but all turns out to be..........

im starting to eat regularly. thanks to those pills given by the doc. hopefully no more gastrics for me.

im trying my best. be understanding will you. im only 16 and have yet to taste the bitter side of it but now i am. im struggling but im trying. trying my real best. pls pls pls, be understanding. i'll thank you for that. it's just not fair. you're just being bias.
):

i dont wanna lose you, love.

2008-08-17T15:15:00.000+08:00

updating on my life ;

well, yesterday was my 2 months being with my darling. yes, im happy being with him. you people (they know who they are) have no right stopping me from being with him. no way im leaving him. shuddup, cos i love him and only him.

family. so far it has been okay. not so happy like the last time but not so much misery. at least im contented with the situation now. though there are still loopholes in between. i don't know if it's gonna happen. im giving it a benefit of doubt. okay, that's so fake. alright, i will lie no more. the fact is, i have many stuffs i hate about my family. not the people but what is going on at the moment. im bloody fucked up with it. there's no use complaining to my mama. cos whatever it is, it's confirmed, settled, final say, it will take another year. 365 1/4 ++ days ! make it end fast ! seriously, i'll go bonkers if this goes on. mama, you know what i mean.

friends. going on pretty fine i guess except for some minor stuffs here and there. oh well, what can i say. they too have their own life to lead. should i just leave them ? no, if they are my true friend(s) they won't leave me in the lurch, right ? i guess so. i hope the words "sisters", "brothers", "jiwer" are not only use in names. i hope it's true ; that we treat each other like brothers and sisters and that jiwer, we will stand by each other through thick and thin. i hope it's that way.

relatives, cousins. yeah, we're great. super fine. happy for that. so far, there are no feuds in between us. but i could see that we see less of each other as each day pass. yea, i know. we're busy preparing for major exams, having NS, working respectively. i miss having everyone gathered together at nenek atok's house. niwae, meet up soon yea cuzzies.

school. as days passed, the amount of stress is rising. i don't know for how long more can i hold on. i'll go bonkers sooner or later. but, i'll try my best. i don't want to be a let down to mama. i want her to have good impression of me, her eldest daughter and myself as an elder sister. insyallah aye.

myself. i love myself, hell yeah. though are still times where im sucha dumbass. but all of those i say/think out of pique. whatever it is, i love myself more.

so overall, life has been great i guess though shits still happens (:

2008-08-16T22:50:00.000+08:00

Happy 2 months anniversary my dear (:
i love you.
my one and only babylove Y

i rule my life assholes.

2008-08-15T16:54:00.002+08:00

hooray ! it's ending soooooon ! aku happy aku happy aku happy ! my secret. don't ask what ;DD

i post lame/random stuffs ? ohhhhhh. why care huh huh huh ? it's my blog like hello. i did not ask you to read it anyway biatch. i can't help it cos that's just me hunney. get a life huh. irritants -.-"

like finally i came to school though im only absent for 2 days. but 2 days seemed so long. kinda miss school[?] OKAY CRAP. once again, thank you for being concern friends. ily friends.

went to school with zalikha. dapat lepas rindu. i miss her okay. off to school and as usual, to the canteen. i don't know why but i feel so warm. okay whatever. i was so engross in reading that i don't realise that the announcements and stuffs have been read. niwae, reading is a good habit yea. haha ;DD

MT was first. wrote down frasa frasa indah for composition. im so gonna buck up on my malay. an A ? we'll see. next two periods was maths. i kinda enjoyed the lesson. had lessons in CR2. and and dragon, i've passed my MSN to you at your tagboard yea. received BNSS maths paper 2. maths is adding to the amount of stress. sheeeesh. english was a-okay. history was alright i guess. had test[?]. i did okay, not. gaaaaah. can't really remember the facts about hitler and the munich agreement stuffs. it's a last minute thing to me. i just got to know it one period before history ! -.-" Lskills was kinda bored. i was just sitting down staring into space. passed ms chang my MC and thanks for the advice cher (:

after school, head to art studio with the other art students. and we found out that mdm loy had already gone to the cc. waste our time -.-" stayed back with gernette, weiling, daus, mufang and sophia for a while. chat and stuffs. than bus-ed home with gernette. before that accompanied her to get her oreo crush which she has been craving since recess. haha.

while on my way back home, alone something happened. there's this man trying to get my attention. *vomitblood!* like duhhh i ignored. but than he keeps moving closer and closer and touched my butt. he touched it like 3 times siol ! believe it or not, i kicked his dick. like you think i care you go mandol or not. i don't give a fucking damn laa siak. play with me you get it ! what do you think i am huh !? fucking shit laaa ! after doing wrong he still wants to fight back siaa with me. i was like bring it on, im fucking not scared of you. lucky there's this guy who helped me and he turns out to be my old neighbour. long time no see and thanks yea. report to the police and i don't know what the police did to the man laa. jantan jantan cm kau le gi mampos laa siakkk. after statement and stuffs i went home. sedar laa diri kau tu. shit shit shit !

and thanks faiz for helping. by the way congrats teman giler ku. 4 long years seyyyh. last long with your girl aites (: no worries, we'll meet up soon ex-neighbour ;DD btw, aku miss menang kau in roller blading uh dok ^^

i want to go jet ski-ing. i miss jet-ski-ing.
i want to go rock climbing. i miss rock climbing.
i want that hairstyle laa ! zalikha, yana knows ^^
girls that goes round showing their boobies are losers. kn yana kn ? HAHAHAHA. (the joke with yana)
stop asking me for money ! im not your ATM okay. sheeesh ! HAHAHAHAHA. (the joke with fiq)
ehk, aku multi racial. i have chinese, malay, indian, pakistan, javanese blood running in my blood vessels. wooooo ! ;PP
i want to own a car.
i want to own a motorbike.
OKAY RANDOM ;DD

have just received an sms from 98416590 through my house phone. wth. can't even understand a thing. duhhhh. ang moh reading malay words. funny siol. adeq knows. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

i wanna move out of this house.
i wanna have my own bedroom.
i wanna have my privacy !
mama, pls. you know what i mean.
i may sound desperate but seriously, this must not go on.

mama says it'll take 2 and a half years. 1 and a half year gone. one more year to go. gosh. one year seems so long. i wish i could turn time faster. i don't wanna stay with them anymore. i feel like i have no privacy like i use to have. im a growing teenage girl ma. i need my privacy. sorry, i could lie no more. i can't stand living in this kind of situation any longer. i rather stay with nenek and atok. at least i could eat home-cooked food. it's been 3++ years since i last had home-cooked food. at least i'll come home with nenek and atok asking, "cucu nenek ngan atok da balik. skola mcm maner? da mkn? gi mandi dulu nanti nenek/atok siap kn mkn" i miss you doing that you know. after i had my bath and food will be ready. family eating together. how i miss that so much. *wipe tears* frankly, i sometimes think nenek is much better than you. sorry to say that. but no matter what, i love you still mama. cos you'll always be my mama. i miss watching television together as a family. im not asking much. im only asking us, as a family to spend time together at least once a week having an outing or something. *sobs* though we see each other everyday but every night before i sleep i'll always think about you and i miss you. i miss you a lot. there are even times where i cried on my way to school thinking about you. i really missed you mama *wipe tears* atin hari hari doa semoge mama panjang umor. papa is no longer around and i can't afford to lose you ma.

i love my loved ones but no matter what, i love my family much much more than anyone else.

take me away.

2008-08-14T21:10:00.000+08:00

im just gonna be updating random-ly aye.

did not got to school today. got a 2-day MC from the doc. woke up late thanks to those medicines. sick and tired of it. im freaking bored laa at home. and and and, thank you for calling/sms-ing me asking why im absent from school friends. thanks for the concern. syg krg laaa (:

frequent gastrics ; *painpainpainpainpain!* ): take me away from the pain. i feel like im dying whenever my gastric acts up. im always alone at home whenever im on MC. i feel so lonely ):

thank you to my laptop for entertaining me. but internet has become sucha bore ; friendster, imeem, blogger and whatever else you can think of, my my ! nothing interesting -.-"

life's getting bored huh ? oh well. whatever it is im kinda contented now. family getting on well except for some minor stuffs. friends, okay i guess except for some ; gee, getting on my nerves. okay forget it. school has been rather a stressful one. i can cope with studies no more. i miss the old me ; always-study-in-the-afternoon. i want to change back but i can't. gaaaah. sedih seyyyh. aku tak dapat nak tunai kn harapan mama ku. oh no no no. i can ! i will ! insyallah (:

aku miss yana. aku miss irul. aku miss yul. aku miss zalikha.

yay yay !
got to meet darling just now though for just a lil while.
but at least i could meet him (:
i love you. im missing you already bby.
2 more days love (:

i want my hair to grow longer laaa. extensions ? nahhh. fake siaaa. i fugging love that emo hairstyle ;DDDD

beautiful people with no life ; fcuk them.

2008-08-13T15:35:00.008+08:00

this post will be a wordy plus picture-y one i guess. too many things racing in my brain blood vessels. im just gonna state whatever that's in my head. so ina, READ OKAY. updating a super long post just for you ;DD and to those who reads, THANK YOU.

absent from school today. i felt so not me always being absent from school. since 2008 starts im always sick and i had to be absent from school. imisstheoldhealthyme. had sucha vehement cramp. gastric plus menses cramps. in pain!* the pain was unbearable.

cos of that i miss two tests ; social studies and maths. there goes my time and effort that i put in into studying those 2 subjects. there goes my marks. great *sigh* imissschoolcan? okay, so not me missing school. wth. okay shuddup.

i don't disrupt other people's life cos to me disrupting other people's life is doltish, silly. i have my own life and so i rule it. i have my own family. i have my babylove. i have my awesome cuzzies. i have my great buddies. i have people who loves me. i have people who cares for me. but at the same time i have that beautiful "great" ~~friends~~ people in life just like the one who dirtied my tagboard. oh fcuk to you okay !? i don't care much about those beautiful people with no life. oh how sad. you seriously have no life trying to ruin my life. God gave you fingers not to type dirty stuffs to people. if you are brave enough, come down and meet me. im not fugging scared of you. anyway, you people are making me famous. you may try again and again no prob. but sorry i gotta ruin your wish cos it won't effect me an inch. im not leaving him cos i love him and i know he loves me too. and someone, get a life mothafucka !

i think i'm short. my younger sis who is in p6 is gonna be taller than me. she's already half way above my shoulder height. gaaaaah. elder sis shorter than her younger sis. kk. i don't care. i still love my one and only younger sis ;DDDD

i'm still having the fever. mama bringing me to the doc in the afternoon after she knock off from work. she's working now but she calls me everytime just to ask of im fine. i cried. the more she's being good to me the more guilty i feel.

i want my hair to grow longer ! grow laaa. i want the hairstyle shown in the pic below *wide grin* what a waste i cut my hair or i've gotten that style -.-" i like emo style. so what ? my problem laa kns. someone, jgn nk sebok la pantat. aku pe suker uh style pe aku nk ikot. cb !

tattos are a no no. no doubt, to me some of the drawings are awesome but it looks kinda dirty[?] on your skin. no offence to those who has it. but the drawings are cool alright. but why to some people, they think that those ho has are bad people ? gosh. shallow thinking. they may not be bad okay. take it like my friend. he has it, my mom knows and even my mom says he's someone good. for goodness sake, stop thinking that way. tattoo is just a body art. it has got nothing to do with attitude or whatsoever.

piercings ? nahhh. i think im not gonna do it. i don't know. i do have multiple ear piercings the last time but now all gone. my friend did her piercing at her belly and it's OUCH i tell you. i scrap that off my mind. seram babe.

i love the eye makeup !

mama panggil aku minah seyyyh. rabakkkk. takpe laaa. memang aku minah ukan mat. duhhhh.

Alesana. My Chemical Romance. Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. Eyes Set To Kill. Bullet For My Valentine. Bring Me To The Horizon. Cemetry Of Broken Hearts. Lost Prophets. Senses Fail. Sugarcult. Simple Plan. Sum41.
Jordin. Chris Brown. David Cook. Ina. Kat Deluna. Mariah Carey. Secondhand serenade.
Ungu. Sixth Sense. D'Masiv. Peterpan. Afgan. B8. Didicazli. Kangen Band. New Boyz. Republik. Sofaz. Merah. ST12. The Titans. Vagetoz.
awesome bands/singers ! ;DDDD

i was fugging bored slacking at home. so i decided to browse through online shopping.

than i visited this website : http://www.rowfers.co.uk/ (click-able. duhh) omg ! many things i want to buy. howiwishthatsingaporesellthosethings. here are some. there are more actually.

TAGS REPLY.

13 Aug 08, 15:23
riko: i guess i've lost huh? i've lost in winning ur heart..oh well..i wish u n ur guy all d best.last long u two! (: but cn we styl b frens aft wad happen?
Atin Reply ; thank you riko. and yes, we can still be friends (: i've put the past behind me alright. do keep in touch yea ?

13 Aug 08, 14:47
ina: update kkk.aku nk bace.hehehe! nnn kau wad bodo nan someone tu.sialan pe jantan.kau jgn nk kacao kwn aku.kau jgn nk stepping knl matair dier la ehk.babe don werrie,u n him will last long (:
Atin Reply ; babe, aku da update. make sure bace ! kasi tag reply ! ;DD remember, i don't entertain losers like someone.

2008-08-12T18:40:00.005+08:00

i really have no mood today. having that irritating cramp, both legs are aching plus my back aches. urgh. school was not alright. seriously.

O level MT results is released today and im so not looking forward to it. cos i know that i'll do badly and true enough i got a C6 and only a pass for paper 3. i wanted to hold back my tears but i could hold on no more. i started to cry. i was really upset at that point of time. daus, thank you for comforting me.

i don't know what im suppose to say to my mama. she has high hopes for me of getting an A but i have to destroy it. i feel so bad ): i've let mama down. i could not even get an A for malay just to make her smile. mama, im sorry.

im gonna re-take my O malay this year end exam. an A ? hopefully a miracle will happen. insyallah.

im sucha dumbass. i can't even get an A for my own MT. isucakatallsubjectsthatimtaking): even if i study, the results will all turn out the same. i sometimes think there's no use me going through school anymore. it feels as if im wasting my mama's hard earn money and i've waste it for not being able to do well in school. but than, i gave it a real deep thought. school, education is fugging important in life. we so need it to move on in life.

even my mama is taking her bachelor degree now and working at the same time. i envy her so much. she has so much drive to further her studies. i envy her courage for wanting to further her studies although she has to work to support the family at the same time.

if she could reach that high than i should be able to do it cos im only studying and not working. yes i can ! trust me mama, this is a test for me. im gonna make good for that second chance im given.

art was alright yaw. just art. painted my group's canvas. than stayed back a while more and FINALLY ! canvas painting is done ! helped elson to paint his background. after that clear stuffs and whatsoever. played with the batik dye with gernette and elson. HAHAHAHAHA.

saturday, 16 aug 08 the exhibition. im oh-so-lazy to come down.

tomorrow, maths test. ahhhhhhhhhhh ! *panic!* hopefully it's an easy one *crossfingers*

i cried while doing the june '08 maths paper 2. i so can't do it ): im so not ready for O maths this year. prelims are coming real soooooooooon. whydoisuckatmaths?howiwishiwasagenius.

rain rain rain rain ! brrrr ! im running a temperature now. gaaaah. how i hate it when i fall sick. hopefully im okay tomorrow. i don't wanna miss my tests.

happy 5mths anni to wanie and wan (:

2 months anni coming real soon (:

photos.

2008-08-11T22:32:00.001+08:00

woke up early just to charge my hp that has been *beeeeeep!* non stop cos battery low. irritating laaa. did laundry while waiting. i was freaking at home. seriously. it's un-literally killing me. sheeeesh.

at home with adeq watching kids central and we're making doltish silly comments on the shows. that stoopid show ; HAHAHAHAHAHHA ! kekek laa oiie.

than, i went through my old stuffs. yes, again. i so miss the past memories. muchness. browse through my old diaries and found loads of pics plus neoprints. so slenger. so nerdy. so geek-y. yet so cute. i than decided to re-print all the old pics. damnit. im strapped for cash. one print from photo to photo will cost 3 bucks. okay, no doubt i was like "OMG!"

niwae, met zalikha. caramal cookie plus irish chocolate ;DD while waiting for the bubble tea, we were crapping as usual. babe, album baru lagu lagu dari kedai buah tu nanti aku pass pat kau bsk ehkkk. aku ader autograph dier tawu. WOW ! hahahahahahahahaha. kekek siots.

she accompanied me to print photos. what a luck that my own photo printer went dead like today ! great-.-" okay, forget it. 15 pictures for 7 bucks (rounded up) plus two photo-to-photo print which cost me another 6 bucks.

sat somewhere near the library with zal. chat and stuffs, she went home and i went to collect the photos. went back home and out again with adeq. accompanied her to print photos. waaaaah, suker aku kuwa masok tu kedai. hahahha. crapping with adeq and stuffs. kekek siakkk. HAHAHAHAHAHA. i know she knows. so hush okay deq.

and to that mat, pe hal nan kau ? salah pe kuwa nan adeq huh huh huh ? pe mepek jekk kau. aku pe hal uh nk kuwa nan saper. and and, pranagai jgn nk step maner pe cool laa kn cos u're not. depan pompan jgn nk act laa ehkk. meluat okay. kau malukn diri kau jekk boi. and my goodnes ! you have no guts to accept it ? sheesh ! btol gak kwn aku kater, laki cm kau tkd bola ! hah ! take that asshole.

back home, sort out my oh-so-messy school papers. it's all over in my file. and now everything's in place. yeaaah. yes ! no chemistry tomorrow. akuhateskola. i got this feeling that i will not make it through my O level maths. oh no no no. atin, think positive !

my eyes hurts so much. i dont know why. yes, OUCH ! f-ing painful even when my eyes are blinking. now i know why my degree went up by a lot. gosh. i have eyesight problems. sad seyyh ): i wanna perfect eyesight and now is ruined. okay watever atin.

k. im done. back to school tomorrow-.-" nights ppl !

bby, i miss you so much. ily !

ndp. happy happy happy !

2008-08-10T11:50:00.002+08:00

mama !

my 1st aunt on my mom's side.

adeq sedare ku.

heryzal :D

Yesterday, 9 aug 2008 was fugging awesome !

went to the padang with the people shown in the pics above. was part of the flag formation. weeeee ! the queue was not so bad like last year's. and i saw my friends there too. jyeeeah !

the goodie bags ; the bag was kinda pretty. just too bad it's some kind of cardboard material. it'll be worn & torn easily. who cares, so long i had fun. it did rain. a lil. but singaporeans still stay united to form the singapore human flag.

the best part was the ending part. i so like it when it's the singing of national day songs. sang with all the other singaporeans. awesome yaw ! and yea, made new friends ;DDDD

watched the parade live on the big screen on channel 5. the parade was oh-so-cool. i love the formation of the 'NDP 08'. imissnccsea. i love the jets did the stunts or watsoever. my goodness ! super high up and the pilots are turning around in the air ! wow ! i want to be a pilot laaa like this. kk. watever atin. i love the part when the jets form the big heart and the flag formation ppl at the padang shouted 'i love singapore !' brilliant !

the moment everyone will be waiting for, the FIREWORKS ! damnit. it's SUPER GORGEOUS ! it's just oh-so-pretty. it's a pity that i did not bring along my video cam or i could get clearer shots.

for today, 10 aug 2008.

went to eat at sakura with mama and adeq. and all the mushrooms are pushed to me. wth. haha. blablabla than 169-ed to AMK hub. bought birthday presents for friends. i kinda spent a lot today. damnit-.-" savings decreasing ; gotta save save save save !

finally i got that tee from PUNK STAR. 25 bucks. im kinda hyper today. i crap a lot. more than usual i guess. crazy ? i guess so. *laughs* even when i reached home, that doltish silly craps that came from my mouth dosen't stops. haha. kk. da sah aku nie giler.

adeq and myself bought this plain white shoe. mama bought for us the fabric markers. spent quite a lot on the markers. duhhhh. fabric markers are expensive. thengzx mama. we're gonna design our own shoe. ceyyyyyyyyyyyh ! stepping laa konon. EMOPUNK ! ;DDDD

was looking through my old stuffs. gosh. memories ~ i found my baby photo. i was oh-so-roundish-and-chubby. i found a pic of me when i was a toddler in shorts and sleeveless tee at sunway lagoon (KL). boncet seyyyh. haha. i found a pic of me during singing talent when i was 4. i found that small heart given by my guy friend. childhood sweetheart. so innocent yet so cute. we're only 5 at that time. i found my primary 1 bus pass ! i look so tomboy laaa. i found the small card my primary 5 teacher gave me ; my favourite teacher in primary school. i found my small autograph book ; all my friends and teachers signatures. miss them laaa. i found my diaries where we will exchange diaries with friends and write in our particulars, likes, dislikes etc. so kental yet so cute. and the things that were bought my late father, imisshim):

i miss my boyfriend so so much ! ):

thank you. ily.

2008-08-09T11:32:00.002+08:00

Happy 43rd National Day !

Happy 16th Birthday to NADZ !

Happpy 19th Birthday to YUL !

Happy 18th Birthday to YANA !

;DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
im sorry for the suckish attitude i gave. im sorry for the hurtful words that came out from my mouth. im sorry for beating you. im sorry for treating you like my punching bag. im sorry for using you to vent my frustrations. im sorry for that stare i gave you. im sorry for ignoring you when i know it's not your fault. im sorry i shame you in fornt of the public. im sorry for everything. sorry ! ): i regret. muchness.

IRUL, my super bestfriend cum abg angkat. thank you for being part of my life in the past. but im sorry cos to me you're just like an elder bro. thank you for showering me with the love that an elder bro would give to his younger sis. thank you for standing by me. thank you for putting up with suckish attitude and my nonsense. my blood brother, Muhammad Nor Khairul. ily.

YANA, my kakak angkat. we're enemies in the past. we shout vulgarities at each other. we fought a lot. we had cat fights and ended up both of us lying in the hospital bed. we always give that what-stare-stare-want-fight-uh look. but after that incident, we got close. we're no more like we use to be ; enemies. we're as close as sisters. and both of us realise that we do understand each other and why we behave like towards each other ; cos we're having the same problems at that time. coincidently. and now you're like an elder sister to me. my blood sister, Nurasriyana. ily.

RIL, my adeq angkat. remember the times how we met ? remember the times where we spilled coke on each other ? remember the times we coicindently wore the same adidas bag, same emo punk graphic tee and same converse sneakers ? remember the times we ate swensens and make a fool of ourselves ? i miss those times. about your elder sis, i know you know. don't be sad. cheer up. i've promised your sis that i'll take care of you before she left. i've treated you like my own younger brother. you can confide in me about anything and everything. my blood younger brother, Muhammad Syaril. ily.

INA, my sister love. im 12 hours older than you and remember we quarell over that ? how foolish but cute when i think back. im the dec 13 11am baby and you're the dec 13 11pm baby. how cute and now we're super close ever since that incident happened 6 years ago. you're the one who wants to be my friend when im down and rather un-socialised when i was back in p4. we came from different schools, different backgrounds, different worlds but all these never stop us from becoming the best of friends. i still remember when i was in sec1, after my father passed away you're the one who came and keep me company for 4 whole days, trying to cheer me up. thank you for everything. my blood twin sister, Siti Nurlina. ily.

IQA, my rockstar sister. remember we go crazy over MCR coming to singapore ? we were oh so hyper at that time. gerrad yea ? those fun super crazy moments. remember the times we make a fool of ourselves and got a nag from a public and still we're laughing our ass off in front of her ? remember we were rockstar chics for a day ? we were oh so famous for a day. goodness ! i miss it babe. thank you for the wonderful friendship you've given me. it has been 11 years and still counting. let's rock the world my wonderful friend. my blood hardcore sister, Nuratiqah. ily.

YUL, my abg angkat. thank you for helping to solve my probs. thank you for being there when i needed someone. thank you for the brotherly love. but where have you gone to ? MIA ? where are you ? don't you know that steadies are looking for you ? don't you love us anymore ? don't you miss us ? don't you want us anymore ? pls come back. i need you my brother, my friend. i miss you. my blood brother, Muhammad Hafidz. ily.

SYASYA, Siti Nur Aisyah, LINA, ashlina, FIQ, Muhammad Nor Shafiq. not forgetting you friends. you friends rock okay. thank you for all the wonderful times. thank you for the wonderful friendship. thank you for the care and concern you friends have given me. ily my blood sisters and bro.

9 of them plus myself = steadies. i so love the friendship. i love the people more. 6 years and still counting.. we're like siblings now. we're like a family now. i love you friends muchness.

letting out everything.

2008-08-08T14:18:00.004+08:00

yesterday suck-s. suck-y. suck-ish. suck-iest. don't ask coz im pissed !

okay. forget about yesterday. and so this post is gonna be a wordy one. blame me for being super ultra bored right now. im gonna let out everything. yes, everything. happy moments. sad moments. angry moments. okay go !

let's start with school today. did not wear red & white coz i dont have red sleeve-d shirt. my school celebrated national day today. i thought the celebration will be a boring one. but hell yeah im wrong. the celebration was fugging awesome !! im so loving it can. especially the sing-along session. where i belong, we will get there and also this year's ND song, shine for singapore. i so enjoyed myself okay. stand up with the rest and enjoying ourselves, waving from side to side. even mr nair sang, WOW ! watched video clips. and the video clip that's still the best is last year's one. ( video link : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ch-z5s2JabY )

after all the fun & stuffs. we were dismissed. went home with nadz & firdaus. nadz took the train and so daus & myself head to the bustop. chat about the celebration & stuffs than when we reached the interchange, we went seperate ways.

on monday there's no school ! should i be happy about it ? oh well. homeworks -.-" i should try completing my maths + chemistry theory workbook. nooooo, i must. studies are a-okay for now. but still im struggling with ALL my subjects ; eng, maths, physics, chemistry, malay, history, social studies, art. it's a lucky thing that im not taking any pure subjects or A maths. if not, im DOOOOOOOOOOM.

aku tol tol meluat nmpk couple yg cinone tu. siol laaa. in school uni kat bustop pon le wad kejekkk. kat skola, canteen pon le. siakkk jekkk. muker mintak kene rembat siols. tolong laa ehkkk. nk wad keje pon carik laa mase yg sesuai tmpt ug sesuai. ni asl ble jekk. MELUAT TAO TAK.

and to those yang da de matair. kalo da de tu, jgn luper plak yg krg tu maseh ader kawans. jgn nk 24/7 lekat nan matair. MENYAMPAR TAO. siket siket bobal sal matair. tlg ehk, aku tanak tao sal matair kau okay. i told you and you told me. i know you know. so im telling this to you, kau fk kau sorang ader matair ? aku ader, kawan kawan kau yg lain pon ader. tapi tk lekat nan matair 24/7. kau tu yg da luper kwn. siket siket matair kau. AKU NAIK BINGET TAO TAK. haiix. satu satu da luper kawan. asl after school jek, matair. kawan seme da luper. baeq pe kawan. siak. no doubt im feeling rather pissed on the inside but i don't wanna show it cos i don't want our friendship to be affected. but still, the attitude of yours aku-gi-jumper-matair is rather killing our friendship. yes, i use the word, KILL. g laaa layan matair kau 24/7. luper kn seme kawan kau. since matair kau is your everything. gini pe kawan. baeq pe sister !
I GUESS YOUR BOYFRIEND MEANS MUCH MORE TO YOU THAN YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS.
no doubt i feel disgusted with your behaviour and im angry at the same time but sad seyyyh. you've CHANGED A LOT since you got attached. i miss the old you sis ):

now to that bitch. jgn fk kau tu maner pe cool. mentang mentang ader members pat school. jalan da krg. members aku lagik baeq laa ehkkk. you're always attracting attention. ATTENTION SEEKERS ARE FUGGING LOSERS ! jgn fk kau maner pe jambu okay. cos there's other girls who are much prettier than you. prangai pls jgn nk act cute cos originally you're not cute. you're just making me feeling naeousous. you're big so stop acting you're sexy. goodness ! ewww.

i guess im just a doltish bitch. i feel oh so useless. towards my fam, my friends and even towards myself. i can't even fulfil a simple task. how dumb can i get. im sucha dumbass.

i wanted to. but.......................
i can't bring myself to tell her ):

mama, why can't you just understand me ? you're always picking on me. yes i know i've been a bad daughter. im not even fit to be your daughter. i guess. i don't want us to be fighting always. you're always quarelling with me everytime i go out. ma, don't you understand why im always out ? i feel so lonely at home that's why i rather be out with friends and i purposely came back home late cos i know you'll always be back late. pls, i want us to stop fighting. no doubt i get angry, pissed and feel sad when you said such things to me. at times i know that i react violently. i turn rebellious. no matter how much i say i hate you i can't bring myself to do it cos i love you ma ):
im gonna write a letter to her and pass it to her later on. hope everything's gonna be fine.

i miss my papa. i sometimes cry without anyone knowing thinking about him. i miss him asking me to do the same maths problem sum again & again till i got it 100% right. i miss him cooking simple dishes for me to eat when i go hungry. i miss karaoke-ing with him. i miss the love of a father towards his daughter.
it's still hard for me to accept the fact that he's gone. forever. God loves him more. tearing right now. i can't forget the day he left the family. i broke down. i can't help but cry. i was only in secondary one. the time when i needed my parents most. even now i need them, both. they mean so much to me than anybody else. i've lost sucha great loving father, forever and i can't afford to lose my mama. i can't share my joyous moment with my father while everyone else can.

TAGS REPLY.

8 Aug 08, 12:08
irul: super bestie! pls dont do any silly stuffs..its stupid u noe.i noe ur someone strong..plssss..be strong.aku syg kau kwn!
atin reply ; ilyt my super bestie. thx. and im trying too.

7 Aug 08, 23:51
Hazeerah: hELLO..Hhaha..long time never tag you lol.
atin reply ; replied to your blog.

7 Aug 08, 20:01
phyd: i've been* sorry! typo =D
7 Aug 08, 20:01
phyd: ATIN! YES; IMYT! (: &oh, coooooool. ader laptop sey. tsk. im been wishing i could own one.
atin reply ; replied to your blog.

7 Aug 08, 16:16
iqa: &&&& lagu kat blog kau CUTE.blogskin kau CUTE.cm kau gak,CUTECUTECUTE!
7 Aug 08, 16:15
iqa: minah comel + jambu ku! (((:
atin reply ; hey my gorgeous gf !

7 Aug 08, 16:13
mat: atin..itu acting pe bgs siak...jahat sak satu2..tapi gerek uh..sial jek si dirtu! ;DDDDD
7 Aug 08, 16:12
mat: ehk minah...amcm??? hahaha. stepping sak aku..
atin reply ; aku baeq. kau amcm mat ? siol uh. stepping siots satu satu. tapi mmg tol ; GEREK !

7 Aug 08, 16:12
ina: iliy ily ily my bestest friend! mit out sooooooon.rindu oi!(:
atin reply ; ILOVEYOUTOO my sis !

6 Aug 08, 21:01
yana: juz remember dat i love you..my blood sister ; fatin mariam binte tasrip. ily!
6 Aug 08, 21:00
yana: atin..kau tkle sembunyikn..ur aug6 post..bawa skali..org highlight da tu..beb,u ok? im worried 4 u..i noe wad u mean..dont werrie..everything's gonna b alright..
atin reply ; i hope so. and ilyt.

2008-08-06T20:20:00.001+08:00

woke up at 4am to revise my social studies for test. bathe, get ready and stuffs. than off to school. im so not in the mood cos it's a wedenesday. i hate wednesdays timetable. F boring can. anyway i could say that school was "fugging awesome".

i was really tired and sleepy that i almost during the silent reading period. i was reluctant to go back to class. i was so tempted into going out of school. ya i know, doltish thinking. first 2 periods of chemistry was alright and all the chapters for O level my class have covered. how happy i was. now i can concentrate on my full-steam revision.

next was maths but mr chia was on course so it's a free period for us. class head to the hall and did our own things. i was busy studying with ss and played with daus spongebob keychain. haha. up next was physics. oh yeaaaah. my favourite subject okay. i always enjoy physics lessons. after recess was history. no lesson cos mr nair allowed us to use the time to memorise our ss. than comes english. damnit. i failed my summary test ; 8.5/25. "great".

MT was a-okay. the class was noisy at first and i got so irritated cos i can't concentrate on my revision. however, slowly the class quiten down and were studying. social studies period comes next and i was like oh-my-god-im-so-not-preapared-for-the-test. i guess i did okay for the test. at least a pass will make me smile cos i missed out 1 big point. *insertangryplusboringface*

assembly was the last period. no assembly programs so classes stayed in class for Lskills period. we're given the task of doing a survey. that same old survey that we did every year since sec 1. no doubt im not happy being in the school. no doubt that im not happy with my family. what can you people do when you got to know all these ? nothing right. than isn't it doltish to ask us to do the survey. *insertirritatedface*

anyway, after school went to the art studio to put down stuffs and head down to general office. in and out of the office. lucky thing that i did not show my unsatisfactory attitude towards you people. sheeesh. after that went back up to art studio. did the canvas painting. im so loving the background. at the same time, zalikha and daus was doing their work and so we're crapping about lots of stuffs.

blablabla. cut long story, short okay. went home with zalikha. she accompanied me to the optical shop to collect my specs. than 800-ed home and was crapping as per normal.

a promise i made to myself for today ;
- finish up my situational writing.
- physics wrksht.

i feel like breaking down ):

2008-08-05T20:22:00.003+08:00

weepedeedoo !

assembly spolis my mood for a while. tu Z ehkk, mulot tak diam tk le kape !? bebel jek tawu. pantat uh siakkk. spoiler tu betine !

anyway lessons was alright. maths was taken over by mrs liu ; 2 periods of english, had compo test. hopefully i pass. MT was a-okay. chatting with wani, daus & fattah. physics, free period.

art ; 5 periods was alright, really. painted the canvas. and we're almost done. woohoo ! i super like our background girls. weiling painted the cat ; i love it. the brush-y effect. cool. gernette painted the moon in a vincent van gogh painting style. and i painted the other parts of the background ; vincent van gogh painting style too.

after school, stayed back to continue with art. it's due on next tuesday & we have not much time left. maybe staying back tomorrow. thursday, could not stay back cos of maths remedial. friday will be half day & school will close and monday is a school holiday. than comes tuesday, submission date. my my ! ~ just hope FGW manage to finish it on time.

so ya, bought drinks & food up to art studio. elson was just being irritating. gernette & elson got themselves painted. HAHA. my hands are covered with that stinky paint. my school skirt got paint on it too. great-.-"

english compo ; done. english compre ; not done. doing it later. i guess.

tomorrow ; SS test. collect specs.

went to the optician yesterday. astigmatism plus i get mixed up with certain numbers & alphabets. how pathetic.

the saying, "practice makes perfect" you know what ? it's bullshit. cos NOTHING, i say it again, NOTHING in this world is perfect. get it ? so stop saying it okay. im getting irritated by it !

i wanna move out of this house.

i wanna have my own bedroom.

~~i wanna have my own laptop.~~

i wanna have my own camera.

2008-08-04T21:52:00.001+08:00

sorry zal, aku tadi pagi memang tol tol takde mood. sorry ): and so, i tried hard to not think about it & when i reached school i was quite okay. bought that blueberry drink. im so addicted to it laaaa. thengzx to ciplek ! :D

assembly was alright but the national anthem part was suckish. english, 2 periods was a-okay. chemistry was fine. manage to pay attention without falling asleep. PE was gerek tak gerek gituk. was having fun the first moment. handball yaw ! but than when the 4b2 guys came over, spoil laaa. kacao jekk laaa. due to them i lost the mood to continue playing. ss was like usual. and i've attained 10/12 for the test. woohoo ! maths was not okay. i almost cried while doing this year's O level maths june paper. i could not even do the first question. history was alright. physics, went through test paper. 16/25. a B4. jyeah !

after school, stayed back in class for a while. chit chat & stuffs after that head to the general office to hand in my bursary form. than bus-ed home with gernette. came back home. chill & stuffs. than went out to meet mama. blablabla. cut short story ehkkk. went to the optical shop cos im referred by the nurse after school eye checkup -.-" mine has develop into astigmatism. how great-.-" bought new pair of specs. than, back home.

HOMEWORKS :-
- eng compre.
- maths june paper.

5th aug - english compo test.
6th aug - ss test.
13 aug - maths test on chapter 6.
14 aug - chemistry test on fuels, alkenes & alkanes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
daus tag me to do the quiz below ;

#1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
; shock. angry. fcuked up.

#2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
; a professional web designer.

#3. What will your dream wedding to be like?
; simple & sweeet.

#4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
; kind of.

#5. What's your ideal lover like?
; forget it. cos i have mine (:

#6. Which is more blessed? Loving someone or being loved by someone?
; being loved by someone.

#7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
; the longest i waited was +/- 2 yrs.

#8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
; what else ? move on laaa.

#9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
; sadly, yes.

#10. Is being tagged fun?
; so long they are not those no life & fcuked up spammers.

#11. How do you see yourself in 10 years time?
; a prof web designer ?

#12. Who are currently the most important people to you?
; family, friends, boyfriend.

#13. What kind of person do you think the one who tagged you is?
; byk mepek tapi gerek pe kwn. emo-sity ! :D

#14. Would you rather be rich and single or married but poor?
; none.

#15. What's the first thing you do every morning?
; check my hp.

#16. Would you give all in a relationship?
; give all ? like ?

#17. If you fall in love with 2 people simultaneously, who would you pick?
; ntaaaa.

#18. What type of friends do you like?
; sincere, caring, willing to go thru thick & thin with me.

#19. What type of friends do you dislike?
; backstabbers, 2 face bastards, fuckas !

#20. Tag 8 people to do this survey.
; anyone laaa. lazy to tag.

cos' i love you too much boi.

2008-08-03T21:24:00.001+08:00

fed up ~ stress ~ my goodness. how am i suppose to go through all this ? atin, remember the promise you made to yourself ? your loved ones needs you. be strong. yes, i gotta make a good word for the promise that i've made. im so gonna prove it to mama. i'll stop thinking about all those negative stuffs. (hopefully. am trying my best not to) i'll be insane if this goes on.

anyway, today was alright. lepak with ayun. today is sucha HOT HOT day. ayun was whining non stop and so do i. haha. typical singaporeans huh. bought bubble tea & was slacking around. after that head to the western food stall & bought food for adeq. she followed me home, pass the food to adeq & than i pass my skirt to ayun. im shrinking in waist size ): after that, head to mcdonalds. naseb si **** tak nampak. kalo tak, da mampos. babe, minah rep pe. pantat uh.

head home. at home ; browse thorugh magazines. reminds me of ncc. only ncc cadets understand what is meant by magazines. okay frankly, i do miss ncc(sea). i shouldn't have to quit. okay forget it. revise a bit of social studies for test. i wanna pass the test, badly. insya-allah aku akan lulus. after that, get ready & stuffs & out again.

met steadies. aku rindu korang laa siakk. i had fun with them. you friends kaki gereks. yeaaah, miss our kindergarten days laa kns. all oh-so-nerdy-and-cute. i so miss the part where "class, put your hands on your friends shoulders" and we will go "chut chut !" till we reach the playground for PE. i miss being the goody goody one. i miss the blocks toys. i miss playing musical chair. i miss playing dressing. i miss going to school with my pink backpack. i miss going to school with my pink bannas in pyjamas slippers. i miss all my kindergarten friends. misses ~ turn back time. how i wish ! cos i won't have to suffer like now & my family will be a complete one.

was on the phone with wani. dak dak sports school pe babe. satu satu bbl cm phm. haha. but i so love sports ! just too bad my reaults were "way too good" that im not even qualified. pffft*

home or not ? 2 days, escape from home. sorry ma, i just can't take it anymore ! home is never like a home to me anymore. feels more like a prison. i hate my home ! i hate my home ! i hate my home ! it's not like the last time where it is right to say ; home sweet home. but now, it's never sweet anymore. it's always empty. yes, ALWAYS. no love at home. how sad ): when everybody is home, all of us will be busy with our own stuffs. where's the family crapping moments gone to ? where has the outings gone to ? i miss those days, a lot. i miss my wonderful and happy family like we use to be. sobs* i miss my papa so much. he's the one who gave me the strength to move on. he's warm fatherly hug shows that he cares & loves me. im sorry papa that i've turn into one bad daughter. you don't desereve to have a daughter like me. im useless. im not smart. im doltish. im a baddie. im sucha let down. no matter what, papa, ily.

im missing my babylove ):

2008-08-02T23:58:00.000+08:00

met darling today. i miss him oh so much !

sorry bby i was late.

and so, i spent the day with my mr belo. thengkiew for the wonderful day love. CP ! ; hahahaha !

he sent me home. im so gonna miss you.

aku mencintai kamu.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tagged by daus & were given the task to do a quiz.

Now Name 20 people you can think of right now.

1. zalikha

2. irah

3. ayun

4. Wani

5. indah

6. hazreel

7. hakim

8. elson

9. irul

10. syaril

11. yana

12. ina

13. iqa

14. syasya

15. daus

16. pearl

17. Kak yanna

18. yul

19. fatin

20. mash

And then answer the following questions below.

a)How did you meet 14?

- through my friends.

b)What would you do if you never met 1?

- i would never found sucha nice, good sis.

c)What if, 9 & 20 dated?

- both are attached to their own sweethearts laa deyh.

d)Will 6 & 7 date?

- ehk siak. gay sak tu.

e)Describe 3?

- my bestest cuzzy !

f)Is 8 attractive?

- HAHA (:

g)Describe 7?

- he's my mr belo (:

h)Know any of 12's family members?

- yeaps.

i)What will you do if 18 broke up?

- woah. jgn mcm mcm uh tanyer.

j)One word Describe 13.

- sweeeeeet ! friend of mine.

k)What language does 15 speaks?

- the two main languages. eng, mly.

l)Who is 9 going out with?

- liyanna.

m)How old is 16?

- sweeet sixteen.

n)Describe No. 5.

- my good friend/sis since primary school.

o)When was the last time you spoke to 13?

- 2 days ago i guess.

p)Who is no.2 Fave band/singer?

- anything that is jiwang or techno.

q)Will you ever like 4?

- she volunteered to be my scandal. haha !

r)Will you ever date 1?

- she's my scandal too. hahahaha !

s)Is 19 single?

- i don't know.

t)what's 10 surname?

- he won't lemme reveal it laa.

u)Would you ever be in relationship with 11?

- she's my scandal too. hahahahahahaha !

v)What is the school of 3?

- NSS.

w)Where does 20 lives?

- somewhere near my house.

x)Favourite thing bout 16?

- her laughter. cute laaaa. haha (:

y)Wat is so good abt 12.?

- she's super caring.

z)who's 17 to you?

- my sis (:

Now choose 5 ppl do dah quiz :

1. Zalikha

2. Amalina

3. Pearl

4. Yanna

5. wani

2008-08-01T11:58:00.005+08:00

RANDOM PICS. when times are bored, the world will turn out to have RANDOM-NESITY.
like i said, im being random. you're a fool to believe what i've typed above.

woke up at 2am to revise my history on the policy of appeasement. a new foolscap pad & i've used up almost half of the papers wiriting down what i've memorised till i got everything. it's worth it to me *smiles*

I shouldn't have come to school today. today is sucha bore. off to school with zalikha. both of us were busy revising our history notes for the test in the later part of the day.

MT was the first. sat with daus & wani ; doing yesterday's summary. next was 2 periods of maths. surprisingly, it was pretty fine. i did not fall asleep during lesson. another achievement for me. went through bendemeer sec paper 2 that we are given to do during the june hols. damnit. isuckatmathspapertwo! i wanna pass maths badly. than comes english, mrs liu was angry with some of my classmates. lucky thing that i did my situational writing. boringgggg. after recess was history. test. was okayyyyy. last period, Lskills lesson. ms chang gave out the O level prelims timetable. my hands trembled when i received the timetable though im only taking maths paper. but it's maths, hello. isuckatmaths.

ms chang said that prelims are going to be harder than normal school examination. i was like, WTH. i could not even pass my school maths examinations & now i have to do prelim. IM SO GONNA BE DEAD I TELL YOU. attimeshowiwishiwasborngenius.

and so after school, had lunch. went down with gernette. bought food, drinks & sat with mufang, elson & daus. elson keep disturbing laaa. i keep elson-ing non stop when eating. HAHA. after that, all of us went to do our art. daus tag along before he goes for choir. paint & snap super random pics which i myself can't believe im snapping it. take off my shoes & walk around with my socks. school is my second home ? wth. hahahahaa. i did not go for madrasah cos i came back late like duhhh. it will be an excuse plus a valid reason *widesmile*

went home, alone. than saw yana in 811. ader gak member. our usual hand shake & stuffs & start chit-chat & was laughing our ass off & the bus driver kept looking at us. oh well, we don't give a damn. babe, must meet up again. soooooooon. lepak lepak cm dulu. rindu uh belo belo nan kau. imisshermanymanylaasiakkk. imisssteadiestoo. plan another outing yea ?

akurindukaukawan ): come back pls.

bby, that msg you sent. so sweeeeeeet. im so touched that i cried & you put a smile on my face at the same time. i never wanna lose you. i love you so much sweetheart.

2008-07-31T19:25:00.000+08:00

slept early yesterday night. i was oh-so-really-super-ultra-tired. at last, i get to sleep well with no disturbance. but still, i can't wake up this morning. it's a lucky thing i was not late for school.

one word about school today, BORINGGGG. morning assembly was wth, wtf, wts laaa. everyone was stuck under the sun at the parade square while the teachers was having photo-taking-session. at least it stretches till the first period, no chemistry. yesss ! after that was suppose to be PE but there's none. had to go to language room for eye checkup. degree went up. congrats atin cos you have to get a new pair of specs. grrrr -.-" mendakseyhjadikpotek. sheeesh. after that, sat outside with wani & told her about _____ than zalikha came. she cried for me & daus. so sweeeet seyh. tk sia sia aku ader kawan cm kau. syg kau (:

head to the canteen for recess. blablabla. than back to class. had MT. 2 periods & it was boring laaaa. we talked about BGR & stuffs. daus, zal, wani, i trust you friends. so hush hush about i know we know okay. after that was maths & it was super fine. managed to solve the questions minus drawing the graph that is. english was next. my my ~ i almost fell asleep. did summary practice.

end of school. thought of doing art but in the end i went home. i was really tired. im weak all over. im just too exhausted with school. oh well. that's school life huh ? yeaaa. im trying my best to cope with studies especially with maths ; my "oh-so-favourite" subject.

august coming soooooon. which means my prelims are coming ! :X

i want my hair to grow fast fast. grow hair grow ! rebond again ? maybe...
i want to go shopping at the end of the year. i promise me ^_^

i've been sucha baddie ): yes, i really wanna chage ; to be a good daughter, a good sister, a good granddaughter, a good friend. insya-allah.

shut ur stinky ass up enemies. i love my friends many many ! they are my kicking butts. kaki gerek laaa krg oi :D

i don't know why but i love love the song, the secret. jumpstyle seyyyyh. i've been repeating it since just now for 23627164830483 times.

tomorrow ; history test on the policy of appeasement. studies :D and also will stuck in school till about +/- 5. will be staying back in or out of the art studio to finish up as much as we can on our canvas painting. lucky thing it's a friday.

the menses cramps is killing me plus the gastric. pain siol ! im always sick nowadays. i wanna be the healthy me like i used to be ):

im an art student who hates to draw, who hates painting but enjoys art :D

i wanna go to SINGFEST. any kind souls who would kindly buy me the ticket pretty please ? damnit. if the tix weren't so expensive ; my friends & i would be able to go & enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ma, i know you mean no harm but than it's just too much. you're once a teenager yourself. don't tell me you don't understand what it feels like to be one ? i know you care & that im bless to have a mom who really cares about me & also who showers me with love. but the way you have been treating me... is that how you show you love me ? you're being over protective. i may sound mean that i don't want your protection. don't get me wrong. what i mean is that, i have my freedom & i too want to go out to have fun. im turning 16 & you're treating me like im in p4 instead of sec4. im tearing as im typing this ): you can't blame me for going out so often. you're out working. adeq will be in school. every single day when i came back home from school, i come back to an empty house. im always alone at home. i feel so lonely do you know that. yes, no doubt i have my friends around. but still i need my family. the happy family we use to be. i wish i could come back to a home after a tiring day at school where you would cook for me, look after me, make sure i do my homework and listen to all my doubts or probs. i doubt it will ever come true. i could only wish.
if only papa was still around. things will turn out differently. i miss his smile. i miss his jokes. i miss him giving me maths tuition. i miss his scoldings. i miss riding bike with him. i miss him sending me to school. i miss having outings with him. i miss him giving me goodnight kisses. i miss his warm fatherly hug. *crying crying crying* i miss my papa so so so so so much ): ): ): ):

2008-07-30T19:45:00.005+08:00

*thatscaryandirritatingnoise!* FALSE ALARM. aku da la lemah smangat. pantat laaaa. kacao aku tdo jekkk tu kucing. sheeeesh !

can't wake up. liat sangat nk angon pagi nie. my cat is fighting with me over who to enter the toilet first. LOL ! im still half awake when im on my way to school. met zalikha & told her about i know she know others should not know. it's just my luck laa babe. oh well.

chemistry, 2 periods. surprisingly for today's lesson im a-okay. managed to pay attention & did my work. woohoo ! congrats to myself. maths was alright. went through chapter 6. physics, free period cos mr saktun was not around. zalikha was with her class having PE but instead we were together, chatting & talking nonsense. history, had some kind of test about munich conference in 1938. english was usual. went through summary practice worksheet. MT was pretty fine. formed a new group ; emo-sity. me & my nonsense & it became a group. cool or what !? hah ! told i know they know to wani & daus. SS was boringggg ! had pastoral care for the last period & it was worst ! and ms chang, thengzx. appreciate it.

after school, have to meet gcs. only those who did not turn up for yesterday's maths remedial. for goodness sake, you don't have to raise your voice right & your hurting my eardrums mind you ! sheeessh ! than met up with zalikha, ain, firman, saeed, daus. watched the usual school mates break dancing. cantek uh ! i loike. listened to various songs. enjoying myself at the same time. rase cm kat club. kk. aku cm paham jekkk.

they went for photo taking for some graduation stuffs. i sat down there watching them still than met up with wani & daus. we were like aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-ing seeing each other. it's as though we have not seen each other in ages. VJJ kiss non stop siakkkk. i know we know public don't know. HAHAHA.

after that, chat & stuffs than went home with zalikha. 800-ed home.

adeq aku minah jiwang. samer cm kakak dier. gerek ! wooo !
i wanna pass my tests ! yes with the letter S at the back.
kk. random.

uh yelaa. bagos laa tu kn. da de matair tinggal kn kawan. baeq pe kawan ehk kau. untok matair sanggop kau angon pagi pagi tinggal kn aku. thengzx laa ehkkk psl jadik kwn aku yg paling setia. sheeessssh !
*saper makan cili terase pedas.

i love you syg.

out of my dream.

2008-07-29T22:05:00.004+08:00

rasul with the sarong. haha.

gernette, elson, me, wei shen, wani, daus.

4b1 !

with ms koh :D

la vista.

jump 4b1 !

4b1 with mr nair. the best history teacher !

with rasul.

* pics on racial harmony 08.

okay. move on ~
and so school was alright. went to school with zalikha as usual. otw to the bustop, met up with yana coincidentally.

yana, pls think twice. i don't want you to end up like me. you'll live with regrets ; countless of it. i don't want you to go through what i've gone through. frankly, you're playing with fire. listen to me will you ? i've gone through it. it's nothing like what you heard or said. it's hell. yes. i say it again. it's like you're going through hell. kak, do things wisely. ily.

maths, english & physics was alright. MT was, no comment. cikgu was not in school. so ya, had free period. the rest were in the class don't know what they are doing while daus, myself & wani sat outside the class talking about BABIES. cute right ? awwwww-ish.

5 periods of art was okay. did the canvas painting. and FGW deicded to do pop art style. ohh, elson is doing it ALONE. jia you hor ! we paint & we make the place like our second home. even we take off our shoes & walk around with socks on laaa like duhhh. wad cm uma sendiri laaa kn.

after school, suppose to go for maths remedial but i skip. so not in the mood, especially with him. urgh. stayed back with zalikha in the canteen. crappping & laughing. talked about i know she know public should not know. saw school mates playing badminton reminds me of my primary school days. it use to be my favourite sport with my primary mates. misses ~

at 4:30 i went off with cuzzy waiting for me outside. chit chat, crapping & laughing our ass off. miss you laa cuzzy. meet up soooooon yaw & thengzx for accompanying me home.

tomorrow, 2 periods of chemistry. boring laaaaa ! don't blame me if i fall asleep cos for sure i will.

bby, imissyoumuchness.

you wouldn't know how i feel.

2008-07-28T20:43:00.003+08:00

overall school was alright. nothing much. just the usuals. went to school with zalikha. talked about she know i know public don't know. oh well.

anyway, english was a-okay. did letter writing in pair work. partner-ed with wei shen. the 5th ? nah wei shen. haha. chemistry, weeepeeedoooo ! teacher is absent. happy you ! PE was not so great though we played handball. too many people. SS had a mini test. got some facts right. hopefully i pass. maths, grrrr ! 1.5 more marks & i pass. geram laaa seyyyh. history, jyeaaah ! paid attention. physics, had test.

stayed back after school with gernette. we wait & wait & wait & wait & we got impatient. once it's 2:30, send the thing & off we go. haiyoooo. pe lamer nak tunggu.

811-ed than 800-ed home. was walking up the stairs & guess what i saw/find ? im not being mean okay. im just saying it. bangla pe betepek sak kat staircase landing. seme bareng bareng. HAIYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! as not to pass them cos i hate it when they stare, i gotta climb down the stairs, took the lift at the other end to level 6 & walk to the other corner and climb the stairs down to level 4. wad penat aku jekk tawu tak ! -.-"

wth. tomorrow, the whole of 5 periods for art will be painting that humangous canvas. how boring can it get. and to add on to it, there will be maths remedial after school. akusungguhtksukesamasigcstu! sheeesh !

syasya says i look like a cat ? :O
rul & ira, sorry peeps. im not into hip hop. go find those who are interested.
irul gave me a new nick, minah hardcore. HAHA.
yana gave me a new nick too, minah meow. HAHAHA. pape jekk laaa krg.
btw fiq, stop saying i look like a chinese. no doubt i have chinese blood running in me cos my late grandmother was a chinese but im a MALAY cos my late father was. aku anak orang jawa :D

& oh, happy 4 months to zalikha & irfan. last long (:

spero che conosciate che cosa state facendo o che you' re pensiero. hey, capisco che cosa you' re andare attraverso. avete un ragazzo ed in modo da faccia il I. ma avete ottenuto di dirigere il vostro tempo con lui così come i vostri amici. aren' t importanti a voi? faccia saggiamente le cose. la gente sta cominciando parlarla. i don' la t vuole tutti i presagi difettosi accadere caro amico.
i hope you know what you're doing.

TAGS REPLY.

28 Jul 08, 19:34
yana: serious uh beb.lawa siots kau! untong matair kau.
atin reply ; HAHA. lawa ? wad lawak kaper. niwae, tq kak ! untong ehkk ? tanyer dier uh. hehe.

28 Jul 08, 19:33
ina: atin..gambar kau yg july28 post ; pe cuteeeeeeeeeeeeee! geram oi! cm meow! =)) btw, lagu pe nie uh..the 1st song in the list?? so true..
atin reply ; hehehehe. maceh ! meowwwww ! ohhhh. fall by ina. cm ku knl tu namer. hehe !

28 Jul 08, 19:20
daus: aku nk nain hand ball.. but juz now too many ppl sia.. hahas Taggie tag
atin reply ; tu uhh. da smangat smangat abey ramai plak yg masok. bukit view ! HAHAHAHHA.

28 Jul 08, 19:11
S: kak..tq for today..don worry..i will not do it k..i noe its a stupid tink to do..i'll b ok..im much better now tat i've talked to u bout it..i so don noe wad to do if ur not around..
atin reply ; no prob. you know it yourself right. jgn ckp gituk. you still have your other friends around aites. and dont forget, you still have your elder brother. cheer up deq (:

27 Jul 08, 23:31
yana: babe,u look super gorgeous in the pic laa oi! jealous tao aku! lawa laa adeq aku nie! =)))))
atin reply ; HAHA. thengkiew laaa kak oiie ! :D meowwww ! ~

2008-07-27T23:24:00.004+08:00

ciao la gente !
and so today, pissed ? happy ? sad ? okayyyy. all the emotions mixed up in my brain. my brain cells are going hay wire. the veins in my brain are all tangled up. mood swings ? i guess so. sheeeesh ! i tried to control but... sorry to those that i've offended. i didn't mean it ):

in the morning.. okay. im so not gonna talk about it. pissed ! is that what we call family !? sheeeesh ! li voglio essere indietro come prima. manco quei periodi. mólto.

went out to the library with friends. than they wanted to eat at KFC. they went off. i don't wish to follow. sorry friends. i just need some time alone. went to look for books & at the same time relaxing my mind. paid fines ; 6 bucks. wth did i do i don't even know. ez-link card value only left with 90 cents ! okay. to hell laaaa. i've paid & that's it. stop sending those freaking letters laaa. irritating laaaa ! borrowed 2 books ; english & malay. 'the vampire diaries' & 'bunga bunga cinta' respectively. yeaaaa, i enjoy reading ?

at home, watched 'elektra' at channel 5. fuhhhh ! aku suke. pompan ganas & brani my type. aku salute sama pompan with ganas attitude & brani lawan same jantan jantan yg siakkk.

tomorrow, will be receiving back maths test. noooooooooooooooooo. i don't wish to see it. geram !! i just hope someone will come to me and say that i pass the test. also, tomorrow there will be physics & SS test. im so not ready for it though i've studied. and pantat laaaa, i forgot to bring back my SS notesssss. angrywithmyselflaa.

STRESS. idontwantanywhitehairpls! im gonna go BOOM soooooooooooooooooon. get ready to collect pieces of me. thengkiew i appreciate that.

me & younger sis was crapping non stop. kakak nan adeq jiwer uhhhh. ni yg gerekkkkk ! aku syg adeq aku yg sorang tu okay (:

im so loving the song in my blog. *humming away*

&& im not emo ! i just like the STYLE. i don't follow those doltish attitudes of cutting & stuffs. wtf. but heyyyy, you people will be emo when u're sad or not in the mood right. so, stop criticizing emos laaaa. fucka. think before you speak.

aku kangen sama pacarku.

im sorry mama ):
iloveyou !

TAGS REPLY.

27 Jul 08, 23:19
S: ok..kak..thx a lot..i know adek cn count on u..u're the only one who's willing to go thru thick n thin wit me.. ily kak <3 color="#ff99ff">atin reply ; no prob. dont' worry aites. i'll be there if you need me. i'll help if it's within my means. kakak pon syg adek gak kays. no worries. beep me when you need someone to talk too. we'll meet up tom ya as planned. dont tink too much about it. smile kays. nanti tk cute uh kkk (:

27 Jul 08, 23:08
S: kakak ku yg hot! adek rindu kakak lar! ): kak,ble kak free? adek nid to talk to u badly..
atin reply ; awww. kakak pon miss you. adeq, are you ok ? nape nie ? urmmm, i dont' noe. okayy, kakak call you okay ? we'll find a date.

27 Jul 08, 20:25
elmeblue: done
atin reply ; (:

27 Jul 08, 17:45
zal: alala... tk fair.. daus nk kasi kau VJJ kiss.. hmm.. here's ma VJJ kiss t0 ya... ;*
atin reply ; here's to ya too ; VJJ kiss :P

27 Jul 08, 14:54
KHAIRUNN: Hhaha, bedek uhhhhh! Pfffft *shakes butt*
atin reply ; alaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ! awak da dapat tawu uh. hmph !

27 Jul 08, 13:33
daus: Here 2 give u a VJJ kiss..
atin reply ; heres to ya too ; VJJ kiss :P

2008-07-26T11:58:00.001+08:00

i had a great time with fidanzato. spent the day with him. you always put a smile on my face & never failed to make me laugh. i maseh tk le luper psl CP. hehehehe ! fidanzato sent me home. gonna miss you, muchness. i love you darling.

came back home. bathe & everything. MSN-ing. it's been like 2 mths plus since i went online. sorry friends, im just either busy or lazy. yea, miss you friends too. had fun yaw chatting with you peeps.

and yea, if you friends have any prob you can come or talk to me. though i might not be able to help solve it, i can be your listening ear & i'll give you my shoulder to cry on (:

tags reply !
26 Jul 08, 23:11

elmeblue: nice blog! ^^

atin reply ; thengkiew ! :D

26 Jul 08, 21:51

syasya: ceyyy! LAST LONG WITH YOUR GUY KAKAK!

atin reply ; weeee ! thx adeq !

26 Jul 08, 16:40

choo bulu: girl*
26 Jul 08, 16:40

choo bulu: tat gril is u ritez
26 Jul 08, 16:40

choo bulu: nice pic u have...the four ah tin there...the graphics is veri nice^^

atin reply ; thengkiew elson ! yeaaa, it's me.

26 Jul 08, 15:53

yanty: samer2 larh kite. so call rabak jgk. hmm dis yr amek N larh beb.

atin reply ; okays. gdluck & all the best !

26 Jul 08, 13:49

KHAIRUNN: Boooooooooooooo! Hahhaha/

atin reply ; ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh ! HAHAHAHA.

25 Jul 08, 18:41

zal: tin.. u cried when i gave u the msg?? aww.... dats x0 t0uching.. tc sis ^-^

atin reply ; yups. really sweet of you. take kaiire too sis (:

2008-07-24T20:42:00.002+08:00

school was okay. just a-okay. came to school ; canteen. slept for a while & yeaaaa, cried. thengzx zalikha, wani, pearl & daus for asking & being concern. syg krg (: niwae, lessons was okayyyy except for MT. 2 periods. pe boringggggg. borrowed wani's mp4 and did physics. after school, had maths remedial. thought of not going cos i was feeling feverish but forget it i just went ; to save myself from getting a nag session from him -.-" i did not quite pay attention.

****************
yes, it's obvious. how on Earth can it turn out this way. promises & the unity stuffs are all bullshits. we dont seem to be one. jiwe konon. it's very contradicting you know. for the first 2 years it was alright. everything was okay though there are some obstacles but we manage it together. frankly speaking, there are moments where i just felt like giving you a big tight slap. seriously. but i know it's not gonna work. so i controlled and tried to talk things out. it went smoothly but why suddenly everything seems to change ? i sense this in our 3rd year of friendship. believe it or not, i cried for 3 days thinking about it. it's heartbreaking you know. we're not as close like before ; we use to hang out & slack after school till late afternoon. we crap a lot. we talk shits & doltish stuffs a lot. we annoy the public and both of us got into trouble and still we could laugh our ass off. miss those times ~ is it cos of your family ? is it cos you found a new friend to replace me ? is it cos of your boyfriend ? im not pointing fingers im just stating it. i could do nothing. i could only wish. i could only hope that our friendship will be back like before. im now just taking it in my stride. akusayangkaukawan.
):

****************
fazzy sis, the sms you send. you made me cry ; im so touched. thengkiew babe. i knew you're the true friend. syg kau (:

random-ness ;
i want $$$$.
i want to print photos.
i want to laminate photos.
i want new photo album.
i want my own bedroom.
i want FREEDOM !
i want that skirt.
i want that skinnies.
i want that sneakers.
i want that palm shoe.
i want an outing with steadies.
i want an outing with M^3.
i want an outing with cuz, ayun.
i want to complete rock climbing course.
i want to complete kayaking course.
i want to learn beach volley ball. (i've waited for 3 yrs) :D
i want to play hand ball !
i miss papa ):
i miss steadies.
i miss mr bunny.
i miss mr macho.
i miss adeq syasya.
i miss abg acap.
i miss my mr belo. i want to be with him (:

tags reply !

24 Jul 08, 20:49
syasya: btw kakak ader matair ehk?
atin reply ; ah ah (:

24 Jul 08, 19:46
mr bunny: adek oiie!:D rindu sama adeq laaa okay!(:
atin reply ; abg giler ! rindu sama abg gak laaa seyyyh :D

24 Jul 08, 19:40
yanty: hmm ok larh jgk. so hws sch.?
atin reply ; sch ; rabakkkk. stress giler beb -.-" kau ? N ke O this yr ?

24 Jul 08, 19:21
syasya: kak! adek rindu kakak myk2 hor!:)) btw,aper title lagu kat ur blog ngan sape nyanyi?? sedap uh!(:
atin reply ; adeq syasya ! awwww. kakak rindu adeq gak laaa kayyy (: ohhh. rasa ini by the titans. jyeeaaaah ! sedap banget.

2008-07-23T21:18:00.007+08:00

oh oh, Hapie Burfdae Mr Bunny !
psssst, act 17 okayyyy :D
may all your wishes come true.
you will always be my crazy abg plus the irritating one :D

and so, it's a nice cool morning to start with. i just feel like cuddling myself to bed and not waking up for school. awwwww, it's sucha nice weather to sleep in. drag both my feet, bathe & everything and off to school. im so not in the mood.

chemistry was okayyyy. slept for a while. maths test was a disaster for me & some. i really want to pass this test. insya-allah. no physics cos mr saktun had something on. was talking about the maths with wani and both of us ; fed-up. history was like the usual. english was pretty okay i guess. i just realised that i suck at how to differentiate ' from ' & ' against '. MT, went to art studio with gernette & weiling to do the canvas tingy. smangat laa tu konon. SS was boringgggggggggg. assembly, the jazz band came. was okay but still am not interested. and the voice was so sumbang laa. no offence ya.

after school, met zalikha. slack at the canteen for a while. the golden triangle, delicious. i must say that art rock cafe, not bad. zalikha went home. i went up with gernette and met weiling outside art studio. did our canvas. it's super huge okay ! finished drawing and painted a bit. weeeee ! ~ elson was just being irritating with the " yo ! " acting cool with hip hop. HAHAHAHA. mufang, dragon, eugene was there too. i hope our teamwork for the canvas turns out well. FGW.

at 5pm we stopped, keep & pack all the stuffs. bus-ed home with weiling. at interchange, went seperate ways. 800-ed home with my mp4 stuck in my ears. EYES SET TO KILL fav band yaw ! aku nk li hardcore CD's laaaaa. $$$$ come rolling in plssss -.-"

argh. sial. tomorrow there will be maths remedial ! damnit laaa. watever laa ehkkkk. g mams sua.

i've made up my mind. im not going for this year's prom night. i want my refund of that $40 deposit. quick ! tk gerek laaa skola aku. tk byk dak dak mlayu seyyyhh. mendak siots.

satu satu da de matair cm luper kwn. rabakkkkkk. pape laa. saper mkn cili tarase pedas. i just hope you know the meaning of friendship.
):

SCREEAAAAMMMM ! till your lungs burst.

lalalalalalalaalalala ~

imissmybeloboifeymuchness.

2008-07-22T23:12:00.000+08:00

school was a-okay. lessons were okay. art was i don't know. and so we're suppose to do canvas painting and the canvas is extremely huge. but phew ! we get to do it in groups ; of 3 the max. my grp members ; gernette & weiling. we share the same topic so ya, easier to do the job. cultural the topic. painting title ; bonding between nature & human. we took a long time to draw out the painting. we're scattered all over the art studio(outside the art studio that is). we're so gonna have to stay back every single day to finish painting and stuffs. it just be completed before national day. my my ! ~

after school, went home with gernette. 811-ed than 800-ed home. and to that unknown guy, sorry yaw. im not interested. niwae, came home ; had my bath, get change and off to meet ayun. went to blablabla. not gonna story what happens. after that head to LJS. while eating, zalikha & wani came in. M^3 sisters ! awwww, so sweet of you babes to come and say hello to me. chatted for a while. more like crapping though.

than walked around northpoint. after that 800-ed to 200+ than waited for 804-ed. so called accompanied ayun to the bustop and i took another round before alighting.

im so not satisfied with that betine tue ! aaaarrrrgggghhhh ! who are you in the first place to interfere in MY family affairs huh huh huh !? you're just an outsider. you're not even part of the family laaaa. pls laaaa. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS LAAA AUNTIE ! kpo freak siaaaa. bcos of you, you landed ayun in trouble. damn you're selfish ! i swear if i ever see you again, im never gonna smile or talk to you ! im just gonna ignore you and pretend i don't know you. TO HELL WITH YOU ! u land my cuzzy in trouble again, i swear that you'll suffer asshole ! bitch.

came back home and i don't know why but im really tired todayyyy. k. going to bed now. nites peepos !

bby, CP ! :D
i love you laaaaaaaa.

2008-07-21T20:42:00.001+08:00

gernette, myself, elson, wei shen, wani & daus.

and so OPSS celebrated racial harmony todayyyyy. planned to get to school early. yes, super early i mean. so, met zalikha at 6:15am and than 811-ed to school with zalikha, wani & wan. i was so-not-use-to-the-high-heels-that-im-wearing. ya, cos it has been quite a while since i put on high heels. by 6:45 we reached school.

as per normal ; gathered at the canteen usual blue bench. got change, makeup and blablabla. assembly, head to the hall. had performance. the fashion show was awesome yaw. but still, sec4's & 5's are the best ! 3 periods gone for that.

so, went for PE. just sit around and chit chat. recess, only ate egg bread + milo. while otw back up to class, ashvin sial. babi uh kau. palabuto. CB. kau pe hal sakk !? pi mams laa siakkk ! sialan.

SS was okayyyyyy. took photos with ms koh. maths was okayyyy. ohh jyeaaaah ! i've finished all maths homework. history was fun yaw. mr nair & his jokes. we're not suppose to be around the school at that time but we wanted so much to go to the lavista for another class photo with mr nair this time round. so he said that he's gonna bring us there & tell us about the history of OPSS since his the history teacher. kekek seyyyh. another round of picture taking. than back to class for physics. get our stuffs and head to physics lab. did the experiment with my lab partner ; dragon. elson was just being irritating laaa. haha. finished everything. mrs liu came in to have a short english tuition with us. while waiting, was crapping with elson & dragon. funny okayy. HAHA.

after school and remedials and stuffs, head straight to the toilet with gernette to change out. the heels that im wearing is killing me. not literally kill but you get what i mean huh. change out into my shorts & sec3 '07 camp tee with flip flops. at laaaaaaaaaaast. blisters all over my toes. yes, OUCH ! some of it had already burst. omgggggg ! pe saket tawu tak. it hurts when i walk. im so gonna wear flip flop to school tomorrow.

bus-ed home with gernette. mp4-ed all the way home. and aku nmpk __________ -.-" k forget it. not gonna elborate on it. came back home. had my bath and than went out with mr macho. head to np, bought stuffs and yea we went a bit crazy. belo belo laa gituk. haha. and to mr bunny ; me & mr macho are really not couples. why won't you believe. haiyoo ! im attached with someone else & he's attached to someone else laaaa. we're just close friends who always go sot sot together. and to sara ; kau asl huh nk naeq angin ? takd ribut tkd aper aleh aleh carik psl ? asl gado jek mesti sal matair. haiyooo ! nk gado pon tkd ke topic laen. aniway, aku kuwa nan saper matair aku tawu laa ehkk. i tell him whenever i go out and with who okay. kau tu jager tk psl psl matair kau carik aku lagik complain sal kau. tk malu ke ? -.-"

k. continue to where i stop. after that myself & mr macho head to 300+ to meet friends. blablabla and than 800-ed home. bought contact lens before walking home.

i want more $$$$$. rain $$$$$ plsssssss.

mocha tiramisu sungguh sedap !

fats ! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH ! ineedtoburnit x100 !

homeworks ; 4 more layouts and im done. yessss. only this to finish.

ohh, im running a temperature. blame the rain. okay watever atin.

k. random-ness.

k. done. nitessssss hunneys.

2008-07-20T20:32:00.004+08:00

thengzx for the edit yana hunney.

today was alright. at least im not cooped at home for one whole day. woke up super early. had my bath, got changed and accompanied mama. sorry for the watthehell attitude i gave. i leave you all alone. omggggg. how could i do that to you. i feel so bad ):

niwae, came back home and i thought to myself about what mama said. and sorry i replied sms-es late and return calls late. i can't believe that im being so childish. i-feel-so-not-a-sixteen-year-old. ashame of myself. don't worry cos im gonna change. for the better that is. im trying mama. i know that im really pampered when papa was around and that i don't know how to consider other ppl's feelings and that i don't give a damn. i really hope you will stop picking on me. im heartbroken when you say that im the bad one. can't you see that im trying. trying hard. haiish. and i really miss my papa so muchhhh ):

it seems that no one understands me. how sad.

went out with fazzy sis. planned to go out alone and get what i want but since she wanna follow ; weee ! ader member. happy aku :D so, met her at 3:15 at the usual bustop. 804-ed to northpoint. walked around. bought nail polish at JL and at the same time we're belo-ing. as always. mmg tak le lepas nan prangai belo. beb, gerek uh prangai pari pari samer samer. muker satu satu slamber jekk. HAHA. than head to LJS and blablabla.

after that 804-ed back to the usual bustop. walked around the area. slack at one of the blocks. than kene kacao laaa seyyyh. haiyooo. awak awak laaa konon tu. typical mats -.-" walked pass the barber and dgr dgr aku nan zal adeq beradeq kn. beb, kau kakak aku laa ginik. haha. niwae, head to the bubble tea shop, bought bubble tea and than seperate ways back home.

i still have not decide on what to wear for tomorrow. for sure it's the black kebaya but the shoe i have no idea. no heels pls. going to school super early tomorrow. paiseyyhh laa kn. and yes, tomorrow chemistry lesson will be taken over for racial harmony performance. wee ! but english too, awwww ): i want englsih laaaa. studies kinda great actually. really. im not joking.

bby, i thought you were joking but you really do it. same hp. hoho. weeee ! tu laaaa. SE gak kn. hehehe.

i really hope my class ; 4B1, every single one of you will wear traditional costumes. it's not always 4B1. we have been together for 4 yrs now. just this once. remember this ; one class one soul. live up to it pls.

was otp with wani. talking about what to wear & stuffs for tomorrow. kekek sakkk. beb, jgn luper pakai dakwah. kalo tak telekong pon okay. set ehkkk :P

k. done.

lalu ku mengatakan, i love you kepadamu syg.

2008-07-19T19:43:00.007+08:00

im being random kkkk. i don't care if you care. my blog my problem tq.

weeeee ! ~ internet connection is back to normal. can't imagine my life without internet. goshhhh. no more designing. boring -.-" ohhh, yana, thengkiew for introducing me to a new photo software. will try it someday aites.

and so today was an a-okay day. stayed at home all day. ohhh well. some of you may go, "huh !? you stayed home all day !? bedek uh seyyh" haha. yea, im an extrovert like duhhh but once in a while stay at home. why not right ? ceyyyyh !

stayed at home doing my art layouts which was suppose to be handed in last friday and i totally forgot about my art. rabakkkk. how could i forget about it. i broke my own promise. danggg ): atin, c'mon ! buck up ! pull up your socks ! there's not much time left. im sucha failure ):

at the same time, was chatting and crapping with my younger sis. she has recovered. great ! mama came back with lunch ; late lunch rather. ikan pari masak asam pedas ; yumyum ! reminds me of my fazzy sis. do the pari dance yaw babe ! btw, monday same time same place aites.

mama and adeq will be going to JB like in an hour's time. i'll be left alone at home. how boring-.-"

who cares bitch. i don't think she even bother about me. i sometimes think that death is the only solution. oh goshhh. begitu cetek pemikiranku. that's ashame of you atin. a sixteen-year-old and you're thinking in that manner. okay, forget it. it's over. don't ask me anything peepos. im moving on ~

stop it okayyyy. you just don't understand me FULLSTOP. don't keep saying you understand me will you. it's getting on my nerves. argh !

i can't stop thinking, singing and humming the song in my blog though i know it's an old one. HAHA. oh well. so long it ROCKS. i'll rock with it ! woohoooooo ! some friends / people ask me what's my fav song genre. i said it would be HARDCORE. they don't belive it. why uh ? tk phm laa seyyyh. ROCK / HARDCORE / METAL ROCKS MY LIFE :D

friends, dont get my hp & my house number mixed up. i know it's almost the same but it's for me to remember. haha. niwae, anything just get me thru my hp kays. i seldom use my house phone.

****************
eyyyyy bitch. i know you come from a well to do family but you dont have to show it off okay. i use to come from a well to do family but that was the past. since my father left this world, everything has change. tremendously. and you knew it. just dont rub anymore salt into it. you're hurting me by saying all those things. you want to spent you can go ahead but do not drag me along. im here trying my very best to be less spendthift and im trying to lessen my mama's burden. dont you dare talk about my family status ! fcuk you laa. $$ is everything to you but not to me. i dont care if im poor or rich, i just want my family to be together and happy always and that is priceless. i guess you dont get to spent much time with your family, kurang kasih syg pe. $$ is not everything. say whatever you want but dont ever drag my family in. you drag my family in & i swear you'll suffer fucka dickhead !

homeworks !
- 4 more layouts and im done.
- maths wrkshts ; half way done.
- english compre + reflection that was dued on last friday :X

i miss my mr belo so muchness ):

2008-07-18T23:46:00.001+08:00

17 july 08
school / lessons were okay.
MT lesson was the funniest. rasul and fayyad put on kebaya. fuh ! sexyyyyyy ! HAHAHAHA.
cikgu snap photos of them.
went home after school ; feeling not too good.
had my bath, got ready and meet ayun. told her about arez.
babe, chill okays ? there are many other guys much better than him. cheer up ! yunresh and tinha slalu ! :D
adeq having fever. so ya, helped to do the laundry and stuffs. bring her to see the doc at night. i caught flu from her and now running a temperature and im "running" far.

lets move on ~

and today was an a-okay day for me. met mr nair after assembly ; NE survey stuffs. MT was kinda bored. since O level MT is over, there are no lessons and so i studies my history. maths ; 2 periods. was okayyyy. went through the tax stuffs. i suck at hire purchase -.-" english ; had spelling. history ; TEST. gosh. everything's gone ): Lskills ; ms chang talked about CCA. gosh. i kinda regret it frankly but really, i hate to have CCA's. waste of time or am i not interested ? i have no bounus points ; a D7 for CCA. how great, sardonic way that is. oh well.

after school, went home straight. had my bath than went out to buy food for younger sis. came back home and i went to sleep. feeling better but still my head aches and im "hot" -.-" P.S. sorie for the later sms replies. i slept for quite a while and i missed it. dangggg.

can't do anything the whole day. how boring. did not go for madrasah again. oh well, i dont give a damn. i just lie in my room, watching tv and sms-ing. zalikha ; set ehkk. monday nanti g school kai bikini. cikgu tanyer pe culture, ckp nie beach culture. k go ! btw, you've contracted fever from me. sorry. get well soon sis.

talking about monday, my school celebrating it on the 21st july and we're suppose to wear traditional costume. how troublesome ; urgh. i can't make up my mind on what to wear. leceh leceh leceh tao tk ! -.-"

pimples, ARGH ! gaaaaaaah ! ~ i hate having sensitive skins.

okay. im gonna be random now ;
- those everlast stuffs.
- vaio laptop.
- new palm shoe.
- that mini skirt.
- that top.
saving $$$$$$$$$ for those.

* rebond my hair, again.
* new hairstyle.
* highlight red or pinkish brown.
* trim eyebrow.
* fairer skin [im getting darker -.-"]
* eyebags to be gone !
* dangggg ! i need to burn those fats. thengzx to those medicines my fats are going up. URGH.

k. done. nites !

i miss my fidanzato.

2008-07-16T22:50:00.002+08:00

school was alright. woke up really late. was rushing and lucky that my school stuffs are ready the night before. rushed to meet zalikha and found out that she woke up late too ; 6:20 am ! when we were suppose to meet at 6:30. rabak ! niwae, manage to get to school on time.

slack at canteen. assembly was okay.

chemistry
2 periods. and i was sleeping througout the whole lesson. im surprised that she did not caught me. oh well better still cuz im not interested and im really super dee duper sleepy.

maths
pretty fine. chapter 6 was okay. i guess it'll get tougher as we move on. oh gosh. i just wish i could understand this F-ing subject -.-"

physics
GREAT. mr saktun told us about that celebate. poor thing seyyyh. he also story to us about that babi & frog leg tingy. haha.

history
went to ITR ? i guess. i was not in the lesson. i was dreaming away don't know thinking about what. but weird, i understood the lesson.

english
was okayyyy. starting to enjoy english. weeeee ! ~

MT
to the hall for free period cos cikgu was absent. wani and myself went to the art studio to look for mdm loy. but danggg, she's away on course and she did not even tell us. grrrrrr ! waste my time and energy laaa okayyy.

Social studies
BORING.

assembly
urmmm, nothing ? just discussed about the racial harmony tingy. i don't know what to wear. we're having lessons on that day. and it will be really uncomfortable to put on traditional costumes and shoes with our school bags. ohhh gossshhh ! it will be sucha ewwwwww.

after school, met zalikha outside her classroom. toilet and blablabla. zal & wani accompany me to the bustop. stepping kakak anta adeq gituk laa kn. maceh ehkk kakak kakak ku. hee !

and bby came ! weee ! ~ btw, fazzy & shadow sisters ku. thengzx for the wish (: spent my time with darling fidanzato. you came all the way from BB, so sweeeeeeeeeeeet of you.

darling fidanzato, thengkiew for the love. thengkiew for the care and concern. thengkiew for brightening up my life. thengkiew for being part of my life. thengkiew for everything. everything is written in the letter i gave you. happy 1st month anniversary.
nazirul hakim, ti amo darling fidanzato Y

2008-07-15T23:09:00.002+08:00

Being random for the last few days that i did not update ;

saturday 12 june 08
- out with mama to IMM.
- bought stuffs and walked around.
- i want that EVERLAST bag ; 45 bucks.
- i want that EVERLAST sneaker ; 60 bucks.
- i want that EVERLAST tee ; 35 bucks.

sunday 13 june 08
- met yana and the rest at bukit gombak.
- than head to bukit batok.
- met darling fidanzato.
- enjoyed my day with him (:

monday 14 june 08
- school was kinda great, i guess so.
- out with wani & wan.
- i want that headphone ; 75 bucks.
- an accident happened. blood ; it's giving me the creeps.
- came back home & went out with zalikha.
- came back home at 10pm.
- menses cramps are killing me !

and as for today ; i have no mood for school. i just feel like taking an MC just because im having cramps. but i came to school cos if not it will be the third consecutive tuesday that im absent from school.

maths ; was okayyyy. just that i get super ultra bored with the algebra stuffs. english ; pretty fine and homeworks all in & done. wee ! MT ; free period. told wani about that pengecot & that bapok. HAHAHAHAHA. lawak kn wani ? physics ; did group work about magnetic stuffs. art ; only 3 periods cos today whole school is released at 1pm due to the O level LC.

slack at the canteen with pearl, zalikha, irfan, daus. was crapping and laughing non stop. malam pertama ; HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. kekek siols satu satu. we're laughing till we teared and stomach hurts.

that at 4pm, went up to our examination rooms for O level malay LC. before the exam starts, the radio was on, like duhhhh. songs we're played. and all the songs were my fav songs. oh how great. was singing to myself. okay okay, aku tao aku syiok sendiri.

LC was kinda easy yaw. no joke. now, malay is over. concentrating on maths. my most " favourited" subject. wish me gdluck huh. haha ! i hope i get my aim for malay O.

than it started to rain. and the weather became, brrrrrrr. tkle tahan dok. decided to stay in school for a while more before going home. myself, pearl, zalikha, daus, wani & wan were seating at the foyer and making so much noise. oh well. we don't give a damn. haha ! than everyone went seperate ways, zalikha, myself & daus bus-ed to interchange.

daus went home. zalikha and myself head to NP ; mcdonalds. bought double chocolate grappe at mcafe. yumyumyum ! 800-ed home. and F-ing shit. this old uncle asl ble shoot masok in between jek. sial uh. CB. zalikha & myself had already " in-between-the-fingers" at him. phm phm jek laa ehkk.

alight. went seperate ways & back home. tired + sleepy + tired + sleepy + tired + sleepy. so ya, it's been 4 days since i update. all 30 friendster comments i have replied.

ZALIKHA, FAZZY SIS KU.
Hapie Sweet 16 !
may all your wishes come true.
psssst, act 16 okay. hehe ! :D

bby, i love you with all my heart.

2008-07-11T20:13:00.000+08:00

updating. but i guess im gonna be random ya. if there's a need, get ready your coke and popcorns :P

woke up late and was in the toilet for so long cuz i had clean my wound. ouch ! and sorry zal, aku lambats ehhks. 800-ed than 811-ed to school. and shits, 811 came super late and we're almost late for school but lucky no running needed. phm phm laa ehhk. today is a super cold day. brrrrrrr.

assemble straight. morning assembly ; silent reading and those taking O level MT LC stayed back for a while for the 1st period. and F shit, malay paper starts only at 5pm !! had to be sitted by 4:30pm. omgggg ! it's freaking too late okayy. gaaaah ! ~ MT ; cikgu not in school. received news from ms chang saying his wife, one of the teachers in my school too has just given birth yesterday. congrats ! maths ; 2 periods and im dying cos of algebra. i suck at it. english ; had spelling. recess ; zalikha and that auntie. HAHAHAHAHAHA ! wad malu seyyh tapi kekek siols. history ; went to CR4. ohh yeahh, understood today's lesson. congrats to myself. Lskills ; watched a video and it has been repeating it for a few times. oh well. but it's reality.

after school, head to ina's house. gerek-ness oiie. byk sedap pe minah. kekek siol kau. HAHA. the others came over too and the whole house is as if it's gonna rumble. btw ina, thengzx for the sweet gift ya. syg kau.

irul, read this ; okay. you told me your problem. i told you what i suggest. seriously. im a girl myself so i understand what is lyana going through. you ought to talk things out to her nicely and clear every doubt as soon as possible. how could you do this ? she's your girlfriend mine you. you and i are bestfriends but now im telling you like a younger sis to a big brother, grow up and think like a grown up man. aren't you ashame that i have to say this to you ? you helped me a lot when i'm having problems and taught me ways on how to overcome it but when it comes to you it's like you're not doing anything. why didn't you do what you preach ? talk to her nicely aites. girls are rather sensetive you know. im sure everything's gonna be oryte. lyana is a nice girl. i don't want in the end to see you and lyana going seperate ways. abg, think wisely. adeq is here for you okay.

ohhh, it's friday today and im suppose to go for madrasah. oh well. forget it. came back late so ya. one lame excuse i know. i want them to cancel my name saying that i've been kick out cos i've not been attending the classes. plsssssssssssssssss make it happen. im getting scared over what mama had story to me :X

woohoo ! hp is back to normal. memory stick is fine. bluetooth can be used. it really scares me when i thought that my hp has gone bonkers to the max max max ! pranjat gegerl. haha !

oh yeaah, im learning a bit of italian words. coolio ! darling knows a few too. thengzx to me kn bby ? yeaaah ! haha. 5 more days bby (: missed you so muchness ! ti amo fidanzato Y

2008-07-10T20:21:00.002+08:00

is it true ? am i suppose to believe it ? or am i just dreaming ? i hope i was. but no, it's the reality. im having doubts. no doubt, i was shocked when i received that msg. i did not know you were that mean. i almost cried ):

i thought it was over. but it came back. haunting me again. why i say haunt ? cos' once this starts it will be an everyday-thing-till-it-is-solved-and-i'll-be-faking-a-smile-when-im-crying-on-the-inside-and-i-will-start-to-have-mood-swings-and-tend-to-hurt-other-people's-feelings. im sad. im sad-der. im sad-dest. oh god, give me the strength to go through all this. im breaking down, soooon. why are all this happening ? haiish.

mama, why can't you just understand ? why why why ? i'm the eldest daughter and the way you treat me is as if i'm nothing to you. it's as if im good for nothing. you pay more attention to adeq rather than myself. don't you know how i feel when you treat her way better than myself ? i sarcrifice my carefree moments to take care of adeq when you're out working. im trying hard to change ; to be a good daughter and even a good sister. cant you see that ? it's hard for me cos i have sucha a bad past. pls, i hope you will be more understanding. i had too much to cope with. it's too much of a burden for me. problems and than my studies and than friends. argh !

im really sad you know. i cried while thinking about that.

mama pilih kasih :(

****************
im giving you a benefit of doubt. let's just forget it and start afresh oryte ? it's neither mine nor your fault. someone is jealous of us. so, friends ? friendship means a lot to me.

****************
Oh mio Dio! Perché questo modo di pensare? Come potrei? egli è il mio fidanzato e i dubitato di lui come molto. Oh Dio, oh Dio! Il nostro, C'mon. saggiamente pensare e pensare positivo. Egli ha amato così tanto è e vuole essere con voi per tutta la vita. im dispiace darling i reagito in quel modo. ho amato molto anche voi a vedere le cose tutto questo accada. Mi dispiace.

****************
who's the bitch who claims to be my friend and starts messaging my boyfriend and than send me an sms saying that he's a flirt. fcuk you laa siakk. saper sak kau ? ape hal kau siots ? pape face to face laaa ehk. jgn jadik pengecot ! sialan.

sad ):

2008-07-09T20:48:00.001+08:00

heyy heyy heyy ! off to school with zalikha, fazzy sis ku. told her about my mom & the GH stuffs. okay sounds scary but i don't know laa ehkk. mothers.. haiish. while waiting for 811 we talked about jantan jantan sial. and the thing i told her about what my cuzzie told me, that cabot tooot. dirty siol. hahahahaha ! came to school ; canteen and i felt like going home.

ohh yeaaah. no morning assembly. gerek-ness okay. daus not in school. hope he's okay. silent reading. chemistry, 2 periods. okay i guess. did worksheets ; air and environment. was kinda easy. maths ; was pretty fine. property tax is SO MUCH EASIER than individual income tax. physics ; did the graph tingy. recess ; did not had anything. queue ; freaking longgggggggg. history ; dang. i no nothing man. rabakkkk. english ; went through fragments worksheet. fragments was pretty easy. MT ; boringgg laa. watched 'beranak dalam kubur' and some other lame vids. SS ; i suck at SBQ and SEQ -.-" assembly ; for the upper sec today. had a talk about STI/AIDS. and she even taught us on how a condom should be put on !? WTH.

after dismissal, met zalikha. went to the canteen and had lunch. wani, wan and irfan was there too. wani suddenly felt like crying. babe, chill aites. after that, blablablabla. zalikha and myself went off first. 811-ed to interchange and than 804-ed home but than we took another round and back to interchange cuz we decided to head to LJS. hahaha. so ya, to LJS. eat, drink and blablabla. ader laaa belo belo jap. haha.

and than we 800-ed home. and this is for real. haha. and i saw my primary school mate ; fahmi ! lamer tk jumper. bagos gak kau msg aku, aku fk kau saper seyyyh. so laen (:

alight and went seperate ways. went to pay my hp bills. scary babe if i have to pay almost $200 every month just for hp. gosh ! :X okay okay, cut down on the hours of hogging on the hp everyday. must promise myself that.

****************
problems, schisms ; gosh ! wish it never exist in the world. gaaaah ~

wani wani, amcm ape ape yang aku go through you yourself are going through too. weird tao. and also that GH stuffs. tu yang wad aku terpranjat. seriously. btol gak namer aku nan kau, shadow sisters.

zalikha, fazzy sis ku. thengzx ehkkk babe (:

****************
tomorrow there's maths remedial. argh ! irritating okayy -.-"

****************
homeworks !
* MATHS
- hong kah sec paper.
- 2 algebra wrkshts.
- ex 5.5
- prepare the qns given.

****************
TAGS REPLIES !

to lina ; betapa aku mencintaimu by vagetoz. yupyup. lagu sungguh manis dong. heh ! thengkiew (:

to yana ; hoho. minah rep ku ! samer samer minah rep. hahaha. acting maseh lagik fresh ehkkk. padan muker sak dier tu kene tpu. wakakaka ! okay. i will. thengzx babe. syg kau jugak (:

****************
I wrote your name in the firmament,
but the wind blew it away.
I wrote your name in the sand,
but the waves washed it away.
I wrote your name in my heart,
and forever it will stay.

i love you darling Y

2008-07-08T11:00:00.001+08:00

morning morning peepos ! a not very good morning to myself. did not got to school, again. on a tuesday just like last tuesday. i kind miss art lessons. OKAY CRAP. left leg cramp cuz of yesterday's super heavy rain at bugis. stomach cramp again. haiyoo ~ even if i eat, there's no use. pffft -.-"

will be going to the doc, alone. and i still have to go to school. today ; O level malay oral. of all days and i have to MC for today -.-" wani, jgn lupe recess time call uma/hp aku tao. btw zal, sorie kau kene g school alone niari. that msg kau send in the morning, thengzx ehk. syg kau gak.

i freaking need a hp and i so i bought w880i. so long i have a hp laa kns. but damnit. bluetooth cant work. USB port area spoilt. things are send into the hp and by the very next minute it's gone. PANTAT UH SIAKKKKKK. i want my $$$$$ BACK !

****************
why ? why is it so hard ? why is it so difficult ? why is it that everytime it's always like this ? why oh why ? i've been questioning myself but i don't seem to get the answer. i've waited so long but in the end, that is what i get. how could that be ? i've done so much and i even have sacrifices. it's not fair you know.

it may never be the same, that i know. but hey, it's better than nothing right ? im sorry if i've given you the wrong idea. maybe i'm partly to be blame too. but i've already make things clear to you. every single bit of it. don't you get it ? why can't you just understand ? you're making me feeling worse. it's as if i'm to be blame for everything. i say it again, that's unfair. really.

maybe you don't know how i feel cuz you're not one. but just think. how would you feel if you were in my shoes ? you'll feel kinda guilty, sad and at the same time pissed off. right ? so pls, be understanding would you.

like i said, im moving on. no more turning back. that's one mistake that i made which is by turning back. so, take it from me ; never to turn back. the past will be the past. we might not be one but memories will stay. no more sad and heartbreaking moments. isin't that far much better ? it's for the both of us.

frankly, last time, giving you the another chance was a mistake that i made. i thought you would change. for the better that is. i trusted you so much but you brought in more misery than happiness in my life. and in the end i realise that i'm not the one. you're just using me so as to get the status or to say that you're attached. that you're being selfish and not being respectful towards ladies. i abhor that freaking ass attitude okay !

and so the chance i've given you, is enough. i had enough of your freaking nonsense. i had enough of your scoldings. i had enough of your pretence. i had enough of being fooled by you. i had enough of being your slave. i had enough of everything about you. you just another bad memory in my life. and i don't want it to happen again. if you ask me again, you're the worst ex. frankly. since you want to know it. i tell you. i hate to beat around the bush when it comes to this matter.

regrets huh ? it's too late. none of your cryings made me pity you. those are just crocodile tears. i had no more trust in you. i don't know if i should trust you, again. im fooled by you and that's fcuking enough.

no matter what, no worries i've forgiven you but i'll never forget what shits you have given me. we can never be together. but i could take you as a friend. no more of those regretting stuffs or watsoever. none moved me cuz i have my one and only. i love him and only he i want to be with ; hakim. so, no chaos pls.

****************
babe, aku rase bersalah. seriously. sorry if i'm the cause of it ):

****************
bby, i miss you hugs. i miss your kisses. i miss you so much ! i love you.

2008-07-05T16:38:00.003+08:00

aku sayang mereka okay (: they are always treasured.
and also my other friends tao. sorry cuz i don't have your pics. (you know who you are)
wanna be included in the slide, send me your pic thengkiew.
but you people are still loved by me ! (:

****************
And finally, its over !

2008-07-04T22:27:00.002+08:00

Why oh why ? why must this happen to me again ? what wrong have i done to garner all these ? it's just too much for me to take. i'm no more enjoying my precious life. pathetic huh ? i breakdown most of the time without anyone knowing. thanks to those probs. thengkiew laa ehk. sheesh. frankly, i just wish i could just end my life. don't say anything, i know it's one F-ing stooopid thing i do. don't worry to the people who are concerned about me ; it has been scrapped of my mind. i love my beloveds too much that i too do not want to leave them.

Why of all times it must happen now ? the time when i'm gonna settle down and concentrate on my studies. oh what a nuisance. the word death lingers in my mind. i know it sounds F-ing emo. but that's just how i felt. if this is an on-going thing, no doubt i could go batty. oh god, give me the strength for me to go through all these. i wish to see the shining bright light in my life unveiling it's the end of my perdition, soon. since all these started, i've been falling sick more often. has it got to do with all these probs ? i guess so.

a big thank you to all those who tried to cheer me up. appreciate it loads. once again, thank you.

okay. move on ~
and so school was, errr, no comment. seriously. i have nothing to say about school. just no comment. went to school with zalikha babe and sorry mase g school aku tk bbl nan kau. you know why. that prob has been haunting me since last night. i did not manage to get a good sleep. how great *sarcastic*

eyebags is killing me. okay, not literally. surely you can what i mean right peepos. if you don't than you're dumb. sorie, was just crapping. no offence yaw. i'll soon be looking like a panda. no ! whatever. botox ? oh NEVER. naturally is beautifully. oh yeah. ihatepeoplewhoinjectsbotox! they are fake-os ! so not genuine. urgh. im revolted by them. okok, enough of mocking those people atin.

omggg ! i just remembered. i forgot to return my library books and it's already 2 weeks due ! hoho. congrats to myself for having to pay the fines. danggg. and i have not finish reading that malay love novel. my my ~ i guess tomorrow i have to make a trip to the library and borrow another love novel. yeaa.

yes imma geek at times with that specs. but hey, no need to comment cuz im the one wearing it. and so what, people still loves me. ceyh ! haha. ya i realise it myself ; i do look geeky with that specs. hoho. i don't give a damn. jyeah ! ATIN IS A GEEK :D im proud of it. okay, im being sardonic.

okay, my hp has officially gone bonkers ! and my contract is only due next year. damnit. any spare sony ericsson hp people ? im in need of one.

bby, i've been missing you a lot these days. and don't worry, i understand your situation. i love you.

received a call from irul. okay okay, im gonna reply you friends tags okay !

tags reply !
to ina ; haha ! aku tk cute. aku tk jambu. aku tk hot. YOU ARE (: hehe !

to iqa ; sorie babe, aku teman tu adeq uhs. aku pon rindu samer krg laaa ! (: haha ! tq oiie ! :D

to irul ; ye irul it's your turn. cm phm aku nie. haha ! super bestfriend ku, imy too okay ! (: ntaaa. busy nan school. pape nanti aku picit okays.

to yul ; omgggg ! YUL ! you're back ! aku seriously rindu kau laa siakkkkk kwn belo ku ! (: atin the hot babe ? pe jekk. wad lawak sakkk.

to S ; shahri, aku tk hot okay ! :D adeq angkat aku shahri nie yg hot ! (:

why haven't you practice what you preach ? it's contradicting you know. c'mon, get a life psycho !

2008-07-03T18:00:00.001+08:00

that pic above ; myself with sec 1 camp shirt. misses ~ the time where i hated sec school and wish i could be in primary school. the time when i became close with all the other ex-nvps mates. the time where i made new friends. the time where i got to know that wani is my kindergarten mate. the time where zalikha and me kept staring at each other at the bunk. the time where we as the sec1 '05 sang the school song together with pride. the time where we got crazy together. the time where we forced to have our baths at the guys' toilet and wash the toilet. awww gosh. i miss sec1 '05 camp ! ~

niwae, school starts later than usual. so yeaaa, more time for me to sleep in. had a good sleep. thengzx to that drowsy cough medicine. woke up, had my bath, got ready, blablabla and off to school. saw irul on the way. irul, im so sorry to hear about that. cheer up okayys ? anything you can confide in me okay. what are super bestfriends for (: pity him laa. and why do i always have to see ** whenever i go to school ? urgh. nvm.

bus-ed to school and the cramp is killing me. i just feel like rolling on the floor. thought of going back home but nahhh cuz im already reaching school. how much more worse can it get ? dangg. i came to school a bit too early. boreddd seyyyyh. received a call from mamat. and it made me cry. just a lil. manage to control. thengzx zal for consoling me (:

assembly was like shitt. chemistry ; as usual and i know NOTHING. so i just anyhow did the worksheet. yoh ~ PE ; no PE. yess uh ! ni cikgu pe boringgg. the class head to CR2 for some survey tingy and it's a super lame one. MT ; 2 periods. pe boring. the whole class did nothing. just gather at the centre and watch vids from youtube with cikgu. about that fight and subtitle, pe klaka. hahahahahaa ! maths ; was just okayyy. and lucky this chapter is an easy one. i mean manageable. english ; went thru compre and i almost fall asleep -.-"

after school, went to art studio with wani. went round looking for mdm loy and ended up she's in her staff room. da la ari nga panas. yoh ~ so yeaaa, homeworks and stuffs. im absent from school for just a day and homeworks are like piling up freaking high especially art. okay whatever.

so yea, after that went to slack for a while at the canteen. wanted to go home but sunekkk was around so ya. went home. and wani, thengzx babe teman aku (: came back home and blablabla. malas nk story story uhs.

my hair is back to its original state ; wavy -.-" aku nk reborn rambot aku tapi ble ehkkk ?

ohhh i miss my darling.

2008-07-02T21:20:00.001+08:00

i F-ing hate that subject -.-"

went to school alone cuz zalikha, fazzy sis ku did not go to school for some reasons i know. hopefully seme da okay babe ? kesian aku tgk kau. niwae, as usual, slack at the canteen. i was kinda not in the mood for some reasons. went to the toilet and tears starts to flow. okay watever. in the canteen, the gastric came back. i was seriously in pain.

assembly ; blablabla. chemistry ; understood. maths ; understood. physics ; boring ! that teacher, rimas aku tgk scarf dier. yoh ! history ; to the hall. free period. english ; was okay. MT ; hahaha ! kekek siots. daus, chill ehkk. that spongebob tingy. the nose. hahahahaha ! cikgu saw my i/c and ezlink pic. wad malu jekkk seyyh. SS ; had test and danggg i did not have enough time to do the reliability qn. assembly ; yes it's for the lower sec. phew ~ overall, it just sucks.

after school, went to look for mdm loy but she's not in. oh well. so i just went to the cupboard to grab my art file as im instructed to for being absent yesterday. and i just realise that i've done so much drawings and designs and it's freaking heavy. no joke. and some of the drawings/designs when i was in lower sec, made me burst into laughter. ahahahahaha ! kk aku da giler :D

went to POSB than bus-ed home ; 811 than 800. and i saw K. weee ! ~ aku rindu adeq angkat ku laaa (: btw, da de girl uh seyyh. last long okays with her ? (: back home and blablabla.

and oh to FatinFilzah, twinku. so sweet of you laa. love you too babe (:

k. done. nites !

2008-07-01T19:36:00.004+08:00

2nd post of the day.

i cried. im missing my late father so much. i tried to control myself but i can't help it. thengzx to fyzie, yana, boboy i felt better. thengkiew for making me smile. syg krg laaa (: btw, made a new super partner yaw ! :D

went out to meet darling. how i wish i could be with you every second. missing you every moment. and luper nk take pics laaaa kn ! hahaha. he send me home. thengzx bby (:

went out again. meet up with the usuals. slack for a while and than back home. homeworks ; -.-" will be doing it later. i guess. hehe.

ankle, pain. stomach, cramp. head, spinning. haiyoo ~ did not go to the docs though. i hate that place so much laaa.

tomorrow, back to school -.-" oh well.

received my hp bill just now. and dang, it's $168 ! omggg ! ~ pe byk siol. pe ku wad sakkk. rabakkk siakkk kau atin ! sheeesh. and also, my hp has gone BONKERS. pffffft.

to A. dosen't mean im yul's friend and that now we are close friends you can behave the way you want like to your usual girl friends. hey, get this straight. stop the sweet talks cuz im never gonna fall for it. respect me cuz im attached. and im never gonna leave him for you okay. pls, i don't want just becuz of this we're gonna end our friendship. im sorie cuz my love for you is only as a friend. if u're getting on my nerves. im sorie, im gonna have to say byebye. so, choose. respect me or lose me as ur friend.

tags reply

to KHAIRUNN ; link done pretty ! (:

to lina ; da nmpk bey tk tao tegor uh ? haha. aku nan dier mmg slalu sweet. HAHAHAHA ! tq ehkk (: and you too ; last long with ril okay ? (:

to iqa ; haiyoo ~ kau pon. bey tegor pon tk uh ? tq tq tq tq ! you too okay. last long with yul okays ? (:

to hakim ; HAHA. ehk, ukan kau laaa darling aku. haiyoo ~ niwae, kau nan dier ader pape progress ? and and tu kes amcm ? namer aku nan laen da clear ?

to yana ; ye minah rep ku ! hahahahahaha ! siots jekkk tu acting kns. kekek sak aku nan kau. satu satu pe belo ! haha.

to siti ; OI ! aku pe hal uh. ni blog aku yg punyer pe sial. kau susa asl ? pape name siti ukan kau srg laaa ehkkkk. OIK ! PE MAEN BETINE PAT SINIK UH ! KAU TU CM BG NK PRASAN MANER PE SEXY ! HAKPUIIIIIIIIIIIII ! AKU MINAH REP PON AKU PE HAL UH SIAL ! AKU TK SUSA KN KAU PE ! ehk, hal aku uh aku nk de matair ke tak. yg att pon aku pe ukan kau. aku tk susa kn kau pe. ukan yg aku suo kau jager matair aku sakkk. pls laaa. fk dulu seblom hembos pape. ehk, pape laaa ehkkk. abey kau tu, ader laki nk ke ? CB uh.

k. whatever. done. i don't feel good. bye !

****************

aku sayang ni anak laaa :D

MRJ ! aku rindu kau ! (:

hardcore babes ! :D

the kecohs ! :D

fazzy sisters always. love ya babe !

shadow aku ! :D

( hari raya '07 ) adeq sedare ku.

( hari raya '07 ) my one & only sibling. syg dier laaa okayy :D

those pics above. those friends / cuzzies i always treasure. and not forgetting, darling (:

did not attend school today. partly becuz im lazy and im having that F-ing cramps plus i vomitted 5 times last nite. gosh. im feeling so sick but i don't wanna stay at home ! -.-" ohhh mama, pls i don't wanna go to the docs. i hate it when the doc starts to give me 'lectures' and urgh the medicines -.-"

MSN-ing right now ; fyzie, yana, irul, fiq, iqa. the gerek friends ! :D

to siti ; oik ! pape laa ehk minah. siol jekkk. da tk cukop kasih syg pe nk kene flirt nan laki laki seme. tlg laaa. meluat siakk aku tgk. org da tak nak tu suda laaa. kn kau da jadik the cause of a couples breakup. haiyoo ! memalukn masyarakat wanita laaa kau. rabakkkk. siakkk laa kau. aku ukan minah rep laaa ! kau tu pe hal sakkkk sendiri da cm gituk. niwae, kalo aku minah rep pon aku tk susakn kau pe. ni idop aku. aku pe hal uh. kau nie lagi rabakkkk dari mak aku sakk. mak aku lagi pe sporting dari kau siakkkk. CB.

k. will update again later aites ppl.
jumpstyle !

imissmylatefather ): *crying*

2008-06-30T23:50:00.000+08:00

conflict, discordance, dissension, dissent, dissidence, disunity, friction, schism, strife, variance, war, warfare. anymore ? k. done. how i wish it never exist. it just spoils every good things we had in life. dalam sekelip mata semuanya hilang begitu sahaja. haiish. it's GONE. forever. heartbroken. oh well. what can i do. i just have to accept it and move on with my life and try to forget all those memories. but still, i can never forget it.

niwae, school was freaking bored today. as in overall. english, 2 periods. i paid attention. yeaaah ! chemistry, first time ever did i pay attention in class. achievement yaw ! PE, boringgg sial. teacher changed. iwillhatepefromnowon. okay that theory is so lame. but seriously. ini cikgu boring siol ! recess and blablabla. SS, was okayyy and i forgot to do the homework. maths, super fine & im beginning to pay attention during maths but just a lil at the moment. history, great ! mr nair was super funny laaa oie. bout that laughing at candidate stuffs ; hahahahahahahaha ! physics, to the hall for free period. mr saktun away with some ncc stuffs. but danggg. i want physics lesson laaaaa.

after school, slack at canteen with gernette, wani, irfan, daus the stroke wink guy. no offence daus :D we were crapping and soya bean-ing at the same time. haha. i went off first. andand the day is freaking warm laaaa. a big phew ! lucky i manage to get scot free from sunekk. kalo tak, mampos siakk aku ble kene tangkap. nightmare. okay nevermind.

home alone. 811-ed than 800-ed home. and did i saw... urm nevermind. came back home and received many silent calls. eery ? weird ? okay watever.

to HAZREEL ; crap partner ! that doinks is mine ! bleaghs ! kk. it's OURS :D
to IRUL ; ehk, super bestfriend, pape call aku after aku bes sch uhhh. irritating uh vibrate. aku nk blaja tao. haha !
to YANA ; babe, imyt laaa pantat ! kau nie, nk blaja luar negeri plak. kk. pape pon. keep in touch tao. syg kau ! (:
to INA ; ehk siakkk jekkk kau. haha ! yela. aku lebeh dari phm *winks*
to ZALIKHA ; babe, no more crying okays. smile. cheer up sis ! (:
to FAIEQ ; stop it with the cik li ! blushing ; RED already siaaaa. hahaha !

being random ~
MSN-ing with the great friends !
mama, thengzx for the $$$$$$$$$$ !
my hp has gone bonkers siakkkk !
i hate tuesdays laaa !

k. im done. bye. nites !

Cintaku semakin dalam padamu sejak kutahu cintamu
Kasihku telah kau bawa dan tunjukkan arti sebuah kesetiaan
Sungguh terlalu rasa cintaku padamu
Tak ingin lagi yang lain.
hakim, dialah jejaka yang akan selalu berada di dalam hatiku.

2008-06-29T23:07:00.003+08:00

today, one word ; suckish ! seriously. after my bath, conflicts again. haiish. when is this ever going to end ? i wish my life would have been better. namer jek keluarge, tapi padehal padehal.

homeworks ; not complete. i only finish my english compo plus physics hols assignments. maths ; algebra. i suck at it. and i gave up on it. rabakkkkk. irul my super bestfriend aka my maths tutor is gonna scold me for this :X i had too many ideas for compo and that makes me confused. haha.

****************
to siti ; oiie. aku bukan minah rep laa sial. kau asl uh slalu nk carik psl nan aku. kau tu g cermin diri kau dulu. da laaa cm BG nk step maner pe sexy. jalan da. puii ! aku pe psl uh aku nk ckp pe pat nie blog. kau susa asl uh !? nie blog aku la siakkkk. jgn nk prasan laa ehkkk minah. aku susa kn kau pe aku ader matair ? aku pe hal uh nk ader matair ke tak. and F-ing shit. don't u dare bbl burok psl matair aku. kau sendiri tk tao dier laaa siakkkk. warning ehk nie. bbl burok psl matair aku, aku tk lpskn kau. kau le angkat kaki bram suda ehkkkk. sial.

****************
bby, i miss you so much :(

k done. i know it's random. it's my blog, my prob okayy. to bloggers & non-bloggers, don't forget to tag okay !

gaaaah ! ~ i don't wanna go to school laaa -.-"

k bye ! nites !

2008-06-28T23:58:00.001+08:00

Copy & Paste From Friendster.

How many texts are in your inbox ?
; 880.

When did your last hug take place ?
; just now (:

Are you a jealous person ?
; sometimes.

Are you tired right now ?
; yes. VERY.

Do you chew on your straws ?
; uhuh. old habits.

Have you ever been called a tease ?
; ntaaaaa ehkkk.

Do you like to cuddle ?
; yeah (:

Do you cry easily ?
; urm, ya.

What should you be doing right now ?
; sleep ?

Are you a heavy sleeper ?
; heavy as in ? but kdg kdg aku tido mati. hah !

Where is your phone ?
; beside me.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months ?
; if god will (:

Are you mad at someone right now ?
; F-ing yes !

Do you believe in love ?
; definitely (:

What makes you laugh no matter what ?
; lame jokes :D

Who was the last person you talked to ?
; younger sis.

Name one person on your top friends who is the most like you.
; wani, my shadow sister !

Do you get butterflies around the person you like ?
; urmm, ya.

Will you get married ?
; if god will (:

When was the last time you smiled ?
; 2 secs ago :D

Does anyone like you ?
; (:

Do you secretly like someone ?
; na-uh. darling is the one i love (:

Who was the first person you talked to today ?
; both my mom and younger sis.

Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything ?
; zalikha.

What are you NOT looking forward to ?
; studiessssss -.-"

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it ?
; (:

Suppose you see your ex kissing another person what would you do ?
; ohhh. i dont give a F-ing damn to it laaaa.

Are you a forgiving person ?
; yea ? but i will NEVER forget.

What's something you really want right now ?
; to pay back my lost sleeping time.

Do you fall for people easily ?
; nahhh.

Have you ever fallen for your best friend ex's ?
; nahhh.

What's the last thing you put in your mouth ?
; otak-otak.

Have you ever kissed anyone named Michelle ?
; haha ! no.

Who was the last person you drove with ?
; i don't even have a license.

How late did you stay up last night and why ?
; nearing to 1am. designing.

who were the last 3 people to text you ?
; darling, zalikha, afiq.

If you could move somewhere else, would you ?
; maybe ?

Do you prefer to call or text ?
; depends really.

When was the last time you cried really, really hard ?
; last 2 months.

Who took your profile picture ?
; the hp, myself.

Who was the last person you took a picture of ?
; urmmm, yana ?

Can you live a day without TV ?
; okayy laaa.

What is your ring tone?
; last words - ice nine kills.

****************
i did not sleep well yesterday night. reason is, i don't know why. don't ask me why i don't know cuz i really don't. kept tossing and turning. niwae, woke up rather late. bathe, got ready and everything and off to meet darling.

im really looking forward in meeting darling. it's been a week ! miss him so much laaaa ! (: spent the day with darling. kungfu panda pe perot tk le angst kn kn kn ? haha ! thengkiew bby for the wonderful day. i had a great time with you (: darling send me home. iloveyou. im missing you so much bby.

back home and out again with mama & adeq. northpoint & blablabla. back home again. im seriously tireddddd. and out again with the usuals. haiyoo ~ i was like yawning non stop. not enuough sleep. soon, eyebags will get bigger ! argh ! i'll be looking like big eyes monster laaa -.-"

kk. i can't think of what else to write. im done than. gdnite !

vi sarà sempre il mio bambino < 3

2008-06-27T23:46:00.004+08:00

okay. school was okay ? woke up and blablabla. off to school with zalikha. assembly was suckish. MT, 2 periods. did the oral stuffs. and dangggg. i suck at conversation. i need to brush up on that. english was okayyyy. did the linking sentences. SS, did filing and i forgot to bring my file. maths was pretty fine and yes, homeworks all done ! Lskills, boringgggg. target settings and i have never attained any. how great ; in a sardonic way.

and so bell rings at 12:20, school dismissed. went home straight. alone. saw yana, lina and both of them wanna squire me home but i'm sorry girls, i just want to be alone for sometime. so ya, home alone. my ears stuck with songs from my mp4. i purposely turn it up high so as not to hear any noise from the surroundings.

800-ed home. one round turn, purposely. sat at the back, thinking about my life. what mess have i got myself into. the mess that my family is in. the mess with that jerk. the mess with friends. my school grades. am i doing anything to help myself ? or do i always depend on others ?

im the eldest in the family and yet im the one who has been giving all that antagonistic behaviours and attitudes. have i done my part in becoming a good sister ? a good daughter ? and even a good grand daughter ? how am i suppose to do that when i could not even be good to myself. all these things ran through my mind.

i've been self-seeking all this while. what a shame. is this how a sixteen-year-old-to-be behave ? oh gosh. how disgracing. i should have been more matured by now. as in the way i think and behave. i've letting down my family not once not twice. it's been of innumerable times. sorie mama, i know i've not been behaving myself and that i always make you worry about myself.

but still, you need to understand me. how i feel. you can't always decide everything for me. i have my own opinions about everything and that i have my passion and dream that i want to succeed in. forcing me won't do any good. seriously. you're just making me to be rebellious. you should know that i hate to be forced. no doubt that i have to listen to you but you too must listen to me. to what i wanna say or speak up. sorry if i don't do what you want and that i go against it cuz i just don't like it. i have my own way of thinking.

im struggling in my studies cuz i've been promoted to a class where i have to do express syllabus. and you know that im academically weak especially in maths. yes, i suck at those numbers, formulae or watsoever. i've tried hard to push myself but still the results dosen't show. you said that you understand what im going through. but what is it that you understand ? you said you understand about the stress that im going through ; O levels. tell me what is it ? no, you don't understand. it's totally different. now the standard have gone up mama. it's never the same as during your time. when i showed my results to you and my maths turn out to be F9 always, you said that i did not do any revision. my heart sank when you said that. seriously. what's your proof in saying that i have not done ANY revision ? i woke up at 2am just to do my revision cuz at that time everyone is asleep and i have peace to study. what do you know huh huh huh ? no doubt that pissed me off.

friends.. haiish. i don't know what else to say. schisms again. and this sucks. gaaaah ! i hate it when disunity starts to creep in. it just destroys every good things that i have in life ; true friends. they are the bunch of people whom i need to move on in life. they will be the ones who will go through thick and thin with me. they will be the ones who will cheer me up when im in a vulnerable state of mind. they are the ones who teach me the real meaning of having true friends. but now... i really hope we will be back like we use to.

darling, im glad that you came into my life. you've brighten up my life. you showered me with love and care. i love you more every single day and i never want to let you go. you chaperoned me till i go to bed in the early morning when im having problems. you have never fail to put a smile on my face everyday. i want us to be together forever. i love you.

hope everything is gonna be alright. *atin be strong*

it's friday and homeworks are in :

english ; re-write mid yr compo.

maths ; algebra qns ( i suck at it ! )

SS ; file in papers.

chemistry ; chemical reactions wrksht 2. ( HALFWAY DONE ! )

physics ; finish up hols assignments ( DONE ! )

gosh. how i wish it will be 2 days of schooling and 5 days of weekends. haha ! craps. but think, wouldn't it be crackerjack ? i know it's one lame stuff to think about.

received a new timetable btw. happy ? ntaaa. no idea. im just glad that there's no more 3 periods of chem in one day. now, monday & thursday my class is dismissed early. weee ! ~ art maseh lagik tues. setia dok. haha ! only 2 days we finished at 2:20. oh nifty !

btw, i wont be online as often. im rather busy with school. anything just tag or send comments through friendster. i'll reply asap. take kaiire aites ! cuz i care (:

okay. im done peepoz. nites !

2008-06-26T20:11:00.004+08:00

was awaken by the fcuking loud noise made by irritating mats this morning. taik uh krg ! got ready and everything and off to school. okay. i felt like escaping and meeting my friends cuz i seriously have no mood to study for todayyy. but than nahhh, im just troubling myself and others. seee, good girl right. haha !

than there's this guy while on my way to school keep staring and winking his eye at me. i gave him the fcukoff look and he turned away. haha ! his reaction like so kental siakkkkk. pape jgn nk stepping kay boi. walk to school with firman and as usual his craps of the bf gf tingy. haha !

morning assembly was like blablablabla. i shut my ears. back to class. MT was boringgggg. did nothing just chatting and laughing away. history was one SUPER ULTRA BORING period. 2 new tchers came in cuz mr nair was with his stuffs. recess ; zalikha rabakkkkk. haha ! no offence babe. physics, went to the lab. and like the usuals, dragon is my partner. elson was in front of me & elson can you pls stop saying "behind every man's success there's his wife" haiyooo ~ scandal kape ? haha ! and dragon, i agree with you, bullshit. haha ! physics my fav laaaa. so that's the only period i enjoyed. maths was okay. english was okay plus boringgggg. i almost fell asleep while doing the compre.

after school, slack a while in the canteen with gernette and went to 3A1 for maths remedial. did paper 1 mock up. damnit. that paper ; FREAKING DIFFICULT. it's only the 1st qn and it's like, urgh forget it. i almost cried. i can't imagine if that's gonna be the standard for O level. and that guy, shit u laaa. bbl byk byk stepping phm siols. aku tol tol cm nk sepak muker kau tao tk. da tk le take it uh nan kau. ishk ! kau nie nk wad kiterorg mampos pe kasi remedial smpi kol 6 lebeh. pantat lu uh. kau le bram laa ehkk !

extended till 6pm. F-ing shit laaa. went home straight. super tireddddd. 811-ed than 800-ed home. my ankle's injured. it's painful but this happens always. pathetic right ? haha.

k, shall stop here. MATHS HOMEWORK IS WAITING FOR ME -.-" im done now. byee !

darling, im missing you so much !

2008-06-25T22:48:00.001+08:00

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. finally ! layouts all done after many days of procrastinating. niwae, school was okay it's just that i'm not okayyyy. i don't know why i'm feeling SUPER SLEEPY.

MT was very much okay. watched ghost vids with the class. Chemistry, did not pay attention. doze off. Physics was super okay. faved. History, P came in. usual jokes here & there. English was okay. wee ! i was one who files everything nicely. maths, 2 periods. jyeaaah ! i was super attentive during this 2 periods. i paid full attention & did all the works. woohoo ! for the first time yaw. assembly last period. F boringggg. and guess what ? my sch is BUGIS STREET NO. 2. haha. kkkk. i don't wanna elaborate. OPSS knows (: after school, head to CR2 with wani to complete our layouts. like duhhhhh we're not in the mood and so we anyhow do the layouts.

after that she stayed back or something, i went straight home. okay i was seriously tired & sleepy. in 811 i saw T. why oh why of all times it must be today ? i was already not in the mood & now T. haiyoo ~ okay nevermind. but we just talked & catching up with each other's lifes. but i gotta thank T for the advice ; thengkiew (:

homeworks are still UNDONE. danggg. im really tired. i guess i have yet to swith to school mode. and oh, had a heart to heart talk with ms chang. thengzx for the advice cher (:

****************
ehk ginik kater sisters kape ? bagos uh tu. da de guy tinggal kn kwn. bagos, buat la slalu. and to ur guy pon. pape la ehkk. krg tu aru matair lom kahwin. dier maseh ader hak tok lpk nan kwn dier laa siaaaakkkkk. F shits. u're one dickhead !

****************
ehk, aku tol tk paham laaa. nape ehkkk nan minah minah zaman skrg. pls laaa ehkkk. get a life bitches.

IM REALLY SUPER DUPER TIRED. CAN I NOT GO TO SCH TOMORROW ? PLS.

im sleepy. k bye la !
pissed ~

2008-06-24T18:22:00.000+08:00

grab it from friendster ;

~What does your Friendster headline mean ?
; find out yourself.

~How many comments do you have ?
; 2220.

~What did you do yesterday ?
; school.

~Are you happy today ?
; nope. aku binget siols.

~Who will cut and paste this first ?
; a human being, duhhh.

~Someone with the same birthday as you ?
; darling bby(:

~Have you ever sang in front of a large audience ?
; nahhh.

~Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity ?
; ntaaaa.

~What is your favorite smell ?
; sweet smells.

~What’s the latest text msg says ? from who ?
; kay go!babe aku rindu kau siakkkk.lpk sooon! > ina.

~Have you ever been rushed to the emergency room ?
; urm, nope.

LAST:
~Person you saw that isn't part of your family?
; wani.

~Talk on the phone:
; wani.

~Hugged ?
; yana.

~Text Message ?
; darling (:

~Last song you heard ?
; david cook - always be my baby.

~What are you doing now ?
; like duhhh doing this watever tingy.

~What did you last eat:
; mee rebus.

TOMORROW:
~Got any plans:
; school -.-"

~Dislikes about tomorrow:
; had to stay back again ! -.-"

~Do you have to work:
; school work every single day.

CURRENTLY:
~Thinking about someone:
; uhuh.

~Missing someone:
; darling.

~Mood:
; SLEEPY.

~Wanting:
; to finish my major exams SOON.

***
~Are you listening to music ?
; from my adeq's laptop.

~Who did you ride in a car with ?
; org laaa bodow !

~What were you doing at noon yesterday ?
; having lessons in class.

~Has anyone ever sang or played music for you personally ?
; yeaaaa.

~Ever wanted to be a teacher ?
; use to but not anymore.

~Forgive people ?
; i do forgive but NEVER forgets.

~What do your cousins call you ?
; ATIN. like duhhhh.

~Has anyone ever told you they like you more than a friend ?
; uhuh.

~What's the weirdest thing you've heated up in the microwave ?
; my toes ? haha !

~What does your hair look like right now ?
; messy.

~Has anyone disappointed you recently?
; forget it.

****************
oh well. another day of typical school days. woke up late siakkkkk. so sorie bby i tk msg u. niwae, quickly had my bath, got ready & off to school. usually early mornings, i will be a bit blur & my eyes can't see clearly yet. tapi mmg tol aku nie potek. and S suddenly scare me. siakkk uh kau -.-"

okay forget it. went to school & my mind was in a whirl. i can't think straight. as usual, slack at school canteen with the rest & soo got angry to the big group of us for not being able to assemble on time. who cares anyways. okay i was really sleepy & i almost doze off during the silent reading. andand i gotta tell you, the announcement on art rock cafe, F-ing LAME PLUS STOOPID SIOLS.

back to class. history was okayyy. jokes here and there. maths was super fine ; understood(: MT was boringgggg. concentrating for O level oral this coming july. SS, to the hall ; free period. ms koh was not around. recess was like usual. and krg ehkkk, time line up nk li mkn pon nk tap saner sini. haiyoo ~ haha !

after recess was art ; 5 periods ! gaaaah ! today's lesson was SUPER BORING. observation drawings non stop. okay, i seriously hate observation drawings except when it is nature drawings. as for structural ones, not my cup of tea. so ya so called played a game. shall not elaborate on that lame tingy. total of 4 drawings done with details. wooo ! first time ever i manage to do that. heh ! i like to draw nature :D andandand mdm loy told us that we're gonna paint a SUPER ULTRA HUGE ENORMOUS CANVAS. omgggg ! ~ stress la ginik. pssst, i hate canvas painting.

after achool suppose to have maths remedial ; paper 1 mock up. but than it was cancelled. yay ! ~ my class, 4b1 were all really happy laaa siakkk (: so, wani & myself went to look for ms zana to book CR2 cuz we purposely did not go for the last two adobe lessons during the hols :X and so, tomorrow we're gonna stay back & i have 6 more layouts to go. pfffft -.-" andand sorie again to councillor, i have to postponed it AGAIN for the 3rd time.

im tired plus sleepyyyy. k. im done for now. bye !

darling i miss you so much !

2008-06-23T20:51:00.000+08:00

David Cook - Always be my baby.

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine
Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die, no!

You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me

Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby...

I ain't gonna cry no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you'll be back again
Cause ya know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time cant erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby

know that you'll be back girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder oooohhh
I know that, you'll be right back, babe
Ooooh! baby believe me it's only a matter of time

You'll always be apart of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my my baby....

You'll always be apart of me (you will always be)
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on (we will linger on....)
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

and so, school has started. back to early mornings alarms & snoozes, rushing who gets into the toilets first. hah ! niwae, woke up at 0530. slowly bathe & got ready for school. i seriously don't feel that i'm going to school. get what i mean ? gaah, i don't know how to put it in words.

im still in my hols mode. have yet to change to school mode. grrrr, i was about to enjoy my hols & in just a blink of an eye, boom ! school started. pfffft -.-" oh well. met zalikha at the bustop as usual. 804-ed than 811-ed to school. woo ! ~ you know what ? i actually miss early morning bus rides. hahahaha ! kk i know it's F lame.

no change for my school. every first day of school there will always always be a hair check. sometimes even appearance check. i know im so gonna get caught if there were to be appeareance check. why ? cuz ; skirt is short, band under uniform like so called tucked in, ankle socks. oh well. use to it. and as always, i always pass my hair check. good girl aye. haha ! my hair's back to black. i find it, weird. okok. watever atin !

back to class ; lessons. eng ; mrs liu got angry with the class cuz some did not hand in the files during the hols -.-" PE ; 2 periods. did nothing except taking height & weight. crapping with wani. oh yes, i've gained weight. jyeaaaaah ! chemistry ; 3 periods ! siol. this is why i hate going to school on mondays. did not pay attention. maths ; yes ! mr cheah took the whole class. happy oiie ! suker aku. gerek uh to gcs da tk ajar. aman dunie. doa aku dan kwn kwn ku seme terkabul akhirnya. amin. haha !

2:20 school dismissed. blablabla. went home at 5:30pm. lalalalala ~ lazy nk story story. right now charging laptop, handphone & mp4. mp4 can fit in a total of 4GB & im only left with 1GB. not enough !? okay, im shocked myself. yes no doubt im a music freak.

adeq blanje aku bubble tea ; caramel cookie. maceh ! :D

****************
aku pe hapie giler siots. no more harrassment from that jerk. sucha a big relieve when i receive the news from mamat. thengzx ehk mamat for informing me. urm, btw maner kau dapat number aku uh ? okay tkpe. niwae, thengzx for helping too. and to that jerk, now i guess it's retribution ? you now pay for what you have done to me. you made me suffer and you hurt me. now, u taste it. you will go thru what i went thru when i was with you. now, take it !

****************
aku rindu boifren aku sgt sgt laaaa (:

2008-06-21T13:22:00.001+08:00

has been chosen by AMALINA (:
so here it goes : -

(o1) Something you wish it would happen.
; to be with him for all my life (:

(o2) Where will you go if someone sponsors you a tour ticket ?
; Paris ? Italy ?

(o3) What's your favourite thing(s) to do ?
; designing, shopping, slacking.

(o4) Do you think money can buy happiness ?
; NEVER !

(o5) If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be ?
; be successful & be able to support my mom.

(o6) Do you believe you can survive without money ?
; no. in this world we need money too to move on.

(o7) Do you think there is such a thing called 'LOVE' ? Reason ?
; STUPID QN LAAA. like of cuz there is laaa.

(o8) What's love ?
; love is the feeling where you can't live without that someone.

(o9) What do you dream of doing in the future ?
; web designer ?

(1o) List out 3 good points about the person who tagged you.
; urmmm, we're not close but i could say that she's sweet, cute & junior yg tk sombong (:

(11) Do you eat to live or do you live to eat ? WHY ?
; eat to live. cuz we might die out of starvation. duhhh.

(12) What type of person do you hate the most ?
; posers, 2 face bastards !

(13) Where do you see yourself 1o years down the road ?
; no idea. working & part time studying ?

(14) What personality(ies) must a guy/girl have in order for you to like him/her ?
; ohhh i have mine (:

(15) What do you think is the most important things/people in your life ?
; my mama & my late pape.

(16) What i wish for ?
; my studies to improve !

(17) If you had a chance to change your life, what would you want to change ?
; turn back time & get things right.

(18) The love of your life now ?
; all those who loves me (:

(19) Are you courageous enough to tell a person that you like him/her ?
; doinks. like i said. i have him now (:

(2o) Would you rather follow your heart or mind when deciding for the right one ?
; it's the heart.

Instruction: Remove 1 question from above & add in your personal question. Make it a total of 2o questions. Then tag 5 people in your list & list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.

* zalikha
* fateha
* sarah
* vanessa tan
* pearl

//

2nd post of the day ! ~

doinks ! SUNBURNT ! urgh. sensetive skin tk rawkx laaa -.-" andand IM DARKER NOW laaa. haiyooo ~ okay nevermind. im used to it. hah ! :P

niwae, met darling just now. i enjoyed the day with you. veryyyy much. and and you're my precious too bby & i hope we will be together forever (:

after a day with bby we went back home. and F shits, that jantan, ARGH ! and ohh darling, tak ya rase bersalah kkkk (: adeq sms-ed me saying that he & his friends are down at my block. dang. why couldn't he just leave me ? my gawwd ! move on. so ya, called irul down & he accompanied me somewhere while waiting for them to go off. thengzx my super bestfriend :D

gaaah ! ~ why must it turn out this way ? i just don't understand.

i love you bby (:

2008-06-20T16:45:00.000+08:00

oh well. nothing to post. so im just gonna do surveys. like what yana say "dok! update! aku nk bace! surveys pon jadi laa! kk! syg kau!" hahahahaha. so ya, it's gonna be full of surveys.

a survey that my girlfriend, pearl wants me to do (:
so, here it goes :-

1. How Long Have you Waited For Someone ?
; 2 years.

2. What Do You Want To Do Right Now ?
; shopping ?

3. If There's A Miracle. What Would You Long For ?
; turn back time & get things right.

4. Do You Hate Your Friends Sometimes ?
; yeah. but everyone has their own short comings. so i accept them(:

5. Where Do You Wish To Die ?
; my home.

6. Do You Believe in seeing a Rainbow After The Rain ?
; oh yes. it's really pretty in reality.

7. What Are The Impossible Things To Do ?
; to turn back time.

8. Is There Something You Wished Never Happened ?
; pearl's ans > Falling in love with jerks. getting trapped in their stupid love games. and i so agree with it.

9. Are You Happy With You Life Now ?
; ohh yesss. darling, family & friends made my day, always (:

10. What If Your Crush Ask You Out ?
; urmmm. ntaaa ?

11. What Will You Do When You Feel Bored ?
; uat kecoh !

12. What Feeling Do You Hate The Most ?
; when my heart are broken into pieces :(

13. If You were to be separeted from your loved ones, what will be some things you'd tell them ?
; i love them & that i'll treasure them always.

14. What are you looking forward to this coming week ?
; meeting my darling. and of cuz, school. hah !

Instructions: Tag 11 people, list them at the end of the post. notify them in their tagboard that they have been chosen.
= firdaus.
= fyqa
= hazreel
= zalikha
= phyd
= fateha
= kak yanna
= sarah
= hazeerah
= vanessa tan
= adeq irah

//

What if your EX tells u..

Why did you let me go ?
; cuz you gave me a suck-ish attitude & i felt that you dont need anymore.

I am very much happy with you back then.
; i agree that we were. but what's the point when you dont understand me at all.

I still love you.
; yes i still do. but only as friend now.

When did we last have a heart to heart talk ?
; 3 mths ago.

Can you go out with me ?
; we're still friends. why not ?

Hey, can i give you/ask for a ride ?
; any car ?

Were you able to move on ?
; yes. i've moved on.

I cannot keep my promise to you.
; you've said it. so what's the use. right ?

My parents do not like you.
; that's not an excuse.

//

1) Single, Taken, Naked, or Flirty ?
; taken.

2) Are you happy with that ?
; ohh yes (:

3) Would you still kiss your ex ?
; nopes.

4 ) Have you ever had your heart broken ?
; like duhhhhh :(

5) Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is ok ?
; i guess so. but kalo ble jgn maen maen tipu uh kns.

7) Have you ever talked about marriage ?
; with wani. hahahaha !

8) Do you want children ?
; yeaps.

9 ) How Many ?
; 2 ?

10) Would you consider abortion ?
; NEVER.

11) If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you ?
; i guess so.

12) Do you want someone you can't have ?
; forget it cuz i have my sweetheart (:

13 ) Have you fallen in love ?
; wee ! :D

14) Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries ?
; years ? than yes.

15) Do you believe that you can change for someone ?
; shuddup. accept me for who i am. unless i did wrong than i'll change. no worries (:

16) Is it a good day today ?
; ohhh yes, NOT.

17) Have you ever broken a heart before ?
; once.

18 ) Does your ex still have feelings for you ?
; we're bestfriends now (:

19) Do you still have feelings for them ?
; them ? who ?

20)You wish to have a bf/gf for n0w ?
; im att now (:

21)What now you wish for ?
; confidential laaa.

22)if you have bf/gf n0w...do you really love them ?
; i repeat. im att laa. and yes i love him very much !

//

and ohh, just tell me straight will you ? frankly pls. pls don't make my life difficult. im carrying so much pain in myself already.

//

i miss you so much darling ! muah !

2008-06-19T23:51:00.003+08:00

went out with mama & adeq to have lunch at northpoint cuz im too lazy to drag my feet to go somewhere else far. after that went to cp & than i went home first. im just not in the mood for anything.

so ya, at home. doing nothing while sms-ing darling.

//

got change & went out at 8pm with irul, yana, fiq. as usual, head to 300+ to meet up with the rest. and it's still about the same thing. haixx.. why oh why must it happen again ? still not settled. went home at 11:15pm. thengzx irul for the ride home.

//

damnit. nape krg nie ? seriously why ? terok sakkk satu satu. members cm ginik pe ? siol uh krg. aku ckp straight ehkkk, krg satu satu BODOH. aru psl hal kecik krg nk besar besar kn. tlg laaa ehkkk. kiter samer samer da remaje. kiterorg da ble fike ape yg btol nan aper yg salah. aku btol btol tk tahan nan prangai satu satu tadik. skrg tgk pe da jadik. fiq nan yul kene hospitalised. psl saper ? psl krg yg gado tadik laaa. aku bingong laa. cm ne kiterorg can turn out this way ? da bagos bagos kiterorg samer samer kwn tok 10 thn & it has to turn out this way. ginik mcm ke ? haix.. rabakkk sial. tk cukop ke ? aku, iqa, yana da breakdown at the scene krg tk kesian ke ? we cried cuz kiterorg tk sanggop tgk the fights. lagi lagi yg gado ni antare members sendiri. the grp named we came up, "steadies". maner da menghilang ? aku da tk nmpk tu seme. krg tkde ke fk psl yana ? she's sick mine you. show some concern will you ? haiiish. pls laaa. I WANT ALL THIS TO STOP ! aku da tak sanggop lagi nk tgk kiter seme menderite. plsss. let's just settle it without any violence & get back together.

//

p/s sorie. as for this post. im just letting out my feelings.

//

syg, you've guessed it right. you should know what im gonna say kns. hee. you know what. you always made my day a sweet one (: iloveyoudarling <3